Non-escalating Verbal Self-Defense

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"Since 1995 :: Verbal Self Defence :: With Wings"

Bullying occurs on many levels. Generalizing about school terror has limited value. Be specific. You can learn what to do. Understanding what's really going on inside yourself and inside other people is what helps. The toughest ages a person goes through are fifteen to thirty, because you don't know what's going to happen and there are things you have to learn. Be simple. Trust yourself. The best answer to a fool is silence "&" YOU CAN USE WORDS TO LET OFF STEAM! "&" You can replace (1.) raw fear, (2.) shame, (3.) mortification, (4.) guilt, (5.) self-recrimination, (6.) simmering hostility or (7.) vague unspoken feelings with words "&" Don't worry until something happens, right? When you are around truly dangerous people, policemen or at work, lay low! Learn how to psychologically leave home. When you can talk back to your parents, you're cured! Preparation is everything. Tonic, they used to call it. It's an old-fashioned art.

SAMPLE -- gang

They say: "You're not in our gang – This is a private club – You can't be a member." [To a four-year-old girl]

Key word: gang

Category: 64 (out of eighty-eight categories)

You say: —Probably.

You hold back: "One person could have changed your entire life."

SAMPLE -- member

They say: "You're not a member."

Key word: member

Category: 64 (out of eighty-eight categories)

You say: —Probably.

You hold back: "Stuck in my heart! ... N.I.N.J.A. – No Income, No Job or Assets."

SAMPLE -- witnesses

They say: "Passive witnesses to such behavior – other students, teachers or parents – who do nothing are coconspirators in the bullying behavior." (–Mark D. Smaller, Director, Analytic Service to Adolescents Program, Morton Alternative School, Chicago)

Key word: witnesses

Category: 26 (out of eighty-eight categories)

You say: —That's fine!

You hold back: "What did the Chinese say? One order leads to ten thousand ... It's like making holes in the ocean ... You can just make gestures."

SAMPLE -- comeback

They text: «Defend friend bully rude comeback school»

Key word: comeback

Category: 26 (out of eighty-eight categories)

You say: —That's fine!

You hold back: "Oh, don't let the pastor hear that!"

SAMPLE -- tips

They say: "He could pick up some tips from you then."

Key word: tips

Category: 26 (out of eighty-eight categories)

You say: —Kicking back!

You hold back: "What I don't understand is, why aren't they all multimillionaires?"

SAMPLE -- Coca-Cola

They say: "GIVE ME THAT COCA-COLA CAN! – ONE, TWO, THREE ..." [Overhearing an eleven-year-old boy threatening his eight-year-old sister]

Key word: Coca-Cola

Category: 26 (out of eighty-eight categories)

You say: —That's fine!

You hold back: "What a slurp! What a cherry lifesaver she is! I haven't seen anything that nice in a long time ... WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME THAT, NEIGHBOR HANS? HAST THE DEVIL GOT THY TOE? ... That's pretty heavy, isn't it? Pretty heavy duty ... Nobody smart does anything like that ... THAT'S NOT CRICKET ... It's different ... YOU HAVE TO CHANGE YOUR WAYS ... You have to pay someone ... The Maharishi, 'The Little Man Who Lived With the Monkeys' ... In northern India ... Read The Wolf Man."

SAMPLE -- didn't

They say: "I didn't hurt you." [Telling his little sister to stop crying after throwing a rock at her]

Key word: didn't

Category: 75 (out of eighty-eight categories)

You say: —Many things!

You hold back: "Not entirely! ... Not endlessly!"

SAMPLE -- shovel

They say: "Why did you get a shovel?"

Key word: shovel

Category: 45 (out of eighty-eight categories)

You say: —It's shocking.

You hold back: "Hold the questions lightly – Another aimless day."

SAMPLE -- moron

They say: "What are you, a moron?"

Key word: moron

Category: 77 (out of eighty-eight categories)

You say: —Next time!

You hold back: "Protect yourself."

SAMPLE -- you

They say: "You didn't see or hear anything, did you?" [To an enlisted sailor having just witnessed a physical brawl between two officers on an aircraft carrier]

Key word: you

Category: 41 (out of eighty-eight categories)

You say: —Not yet.

You hold back: "It's hard for me to talk, too."

SAMPLE -- agenda

They say: "What's your agenda for this trip?"

Key word: agenda

Category: 26 (out of eighty-eight categories)

You say: —Kicking back!

You hold back: "You're not supposed to do something ... You're supposed to occupy a space .. If someone needs you, they'll find you, and if they don't, you're lucky!"

SAMPLE -- he'd

They say: "I'd tell you, but then he'd have to kill you."

Key word: he'd

Category: 77 (out of eighty-eight categories)

You say: —Crazy, huh?

You hold back: "Life is like money – You can't hold on too tight."

SAMPLE -- friends

They say: "Do you have any friends?"

Key word: friends

Category: 85 (out of eighty-eight categories)

You say: —All over.

You hold back: "They wear you out, don't they?"

SAMPLE -- scenic

They say: "Is this the scenic route?"

Key word: scenic

Category: 77 (out of eighty-eight categories)

You say: —Next time!

You hold back: "Unless you're unlucky."

SAMPLE -- jerk (a)

They say: "You're a jerk!"

Key word: jerk

Category: 01 (out of eighty-eight categories)

You say: —Like crazy!

You hold back: "Don't include me!"

SAMPLE -- liar

They say: "You're also a liar!"

Key word: liar

Category: 01 (out of eighty-eight categories)

You say: —Totally different.

You hold back: "Maybe it's you."

SAMPLE -- jerk (b)

They say: "Don't be a jerk."

Key word: jerk

Category: 01 (out of eighty-eight categories)

You say: —Another miracle!

You hold back: "Don't worry about it! Take a powder!"

SAMPLE -- loser

They say: "You're a loser."

Key word: loser

Category: 01 (out of eighty-eight categories)

You say: —MANY TIMES!

You hold back: "Part of one big machine."

SAMPLE -- stuck

They say: "You're stuck."

Key word: stuck

Category: 01 (out of eighty-eight categories)

You say: —Like crazy!

You hold back: "You don't have to be."

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They say: "Stupid people like to make comebacks because they aren't smart enough to make them up on the spot!"

Key word: because

Category: 78 (out of eighty-eight categories)

You say: —Go on!

You hold back: "If you're a secretary when you're three, you're a boss when you're thirty-three."

SAMPLE -- lies

They say: "Everybody lies."

Key word: lies

Category: 77 (out of eighty-eight categories)

You say: —Crazy, huh?

You hold back: "A small circle of friends ... The glass key of friendship ... Choose your friends wisely!"

SAMPLE -- paranoid

They say: "Mathias said... This is nuts. Like the wit of the staircase filtered through paranoid schizophrenia. Almost better than Timecube."

Key word: paranoid

Category: 66 (out of eighty-eight categories)

You say: —Holy Cow!

You hold back: "Each way."

SAMPLE -- to

They say: "So you don't want to sit with me?"

Key word: to

Category: 51 (out of eighty-eight categories)

You say: —Someone must.

You hold back: "We're all animals ... Monogamy is not natural ... Maybe because your mother didn't die ... I wouldn't be surprised."

SAMPLE -- nice

They say: "You're too nice." [Teenage girl to teenage boy]

Key word: nice

Category: 45 (out of eighty-eight categories)

You say: —It's shocking.

You hold back: "So what are you going to do about it? ... Suffer! ... You're supposed to suffer for three days."

writer - Richard Ames Hart - San Francisco CA USA

painter - Amoret Phillips, and family - Boone NC USA