U G L Y P O O P •

N E T

My mother couldn't even look at me, 'cause my name is Ugly Poop.

She was always thinking about changing me! When we went out to restaurants, she'd suddenly apologize to everybody, (*As if!*) and haul me out to the car to change me!

She'd say, U. P!! What am I going to do with you? ... because she couldn't even look at me! ... and I slowly became a changeling! ... then she'd take me out, even though she couldn't even look at me!

My stepfather couldn't even look at me, either!! He thought I was a dog! He thought I was a dog backward & called me P. U.!!

So after about twenty years I decided to grow up, and people would say, "Hey, man, what's U. P.??" and I'd say, "Ugly Poop!"

So then I got a job, and my mom wanted me to work for U.P.S., but I fooled her (which I could always do, because my name is U. P.!!) and went to work at I.B.M.!!

Ugly Poop is my name, so UglyPoop.net is my game! And I made this purple site to make a lot of Moolah! Ugly Poop makes good! ... He makes good Moolah!

All my friends couldn't even look at me, because my own mom couldn't look at me. They'd say, "He couldn't get UglyPoop.com, but he makes a lot of moolah!"

There's Moolah, and there's Allah!! So one day I said, "The hell moolah!!" and worked on Allah!! Except you say it, "aa-LAH!!" like you're sneezing or something.

Right away I met this girl, and she said, "U. P., you've got dimples on your ass! and that's something! She's got dimples on her ass, too! So I lived happily ever after!

I read this graffiti toady (Not toady, today!!) on the pole side of a newspaper box, on a white stickum, and it said, "Civil war was their objective." That made me think.

Whatever • • )