80 Artful Ways to Say NO!

[SERIOUS]  or  [MAGICAL]

WORDS ARE IMPORTANT :: Have you ever felt annoyed, hurt, angry or argumentative after someone asks something totally illogical? It could be something as simple as their saying, “What are you doing?” By the time you've assembled all the words they said, into a vague idea of what they're really getting at, your emotions have kicked in, and you're suddenly awash in annoyance, regret, sorrow, justification, or just plain ruin. What if you could instantly respond with SOMETHING INTENTIONAL? All before the possible MEANING of “What are you doing?” has whacked you into the NEGATIVE EMOTIONS of a child? This website is all about assembling possible responses before any of this can happen. It's all about replacing the negativity of their underlying intentions with the beauty of an objective or humorous truth. And then saying something Bring it in. Quick as lightning. People say irrational things because they're trying to castrate your intelligence. Make you feel cut off from yourself. Make you feel isolated or lonely. This website is about maturing your own mind. Letting yourself grow with a renewed or replenished recognition of yourself in the general scheme of things. To increase your consciousness.

GUEST ARTICLE by Richard Ames Hart. On the Application for Admission to Dartmouth College, back in 1963, were the instructions, “What is your philosophy of life, in twenty-five words or less?” so I wrote a seventeen-year-old's version of “I wish to use my heart and mind to educate myself and find connections with people in such a way we can change the world,” and they let me in. What I really wanted then, and all I wish for now, is a new car.

Imagine a world in which each and every word had a simple response. Or maybe even a couple of responses from which you could choose.

That's the premise of the www.backtalktionary.com .

It takes verbal abuse down to the atomic level. You can find a suitable response for any possible combination of words, no matter how they're strung together by a verbal bully.

They say something troublesome, using words, and you say something right back by picking and choosing from the backtalktionary's assortment of potential responses.

1. If someone says, “Good!” you can find roots of this word in a dictionary, though you'll find few clues for how to keep the conversation alive. What if they'd said, “Good!” sarcastically? Roots of a tree spread far and wide underneath the soil, though shouldn't a conversation be allowed to grow skyward & bear fruit?

2. An ordinary dictionary enumerates possible meanings (ignoring usage & sarcasm) on a word-by-word basis. A backtalktionary offers potential responses, on a word-by-word basis, in all kinds of settings: mean, friendly, hostile, phony, tricky, irrational, sarcastic, playful, irksome, you name it! Let common sense, setting limits, harmony & joy take root. Here comes the pollen!

3. In the great cathedral of the mind, testosterone amplifies a man's desire to hold onto status. Conversely, fear quickens a woman's drive to behave in compliant ways in aggressive settings. Can we turn things around without feeling put-upon? Go back, go back, go back! A baby knows how to defend itself. Then loyalty to authority figures changes everything.

4. I don't own a car, though once I did. Many people are so blinded by their memories, and so emotionally invested in those memories, they can't even hear you, that you took the subway. Nor can they hear the voice of reason.

5. Verbal violence is even more grievous than the aggrieved realize, and for someone to say, “I just ignore them,” could only mean the person who says this has sheltered themselves in some sort of snow cone, peeping out with beady eyes & telling white lies. It's best to replace an unfortunate lie with beauty or truth, rather than allow the misconception to sink even farther into the snow and freeze. Somewhere down in there lives a beating heart.

6. A person might associate “Knock-knock!” with “Who's there?” In the Backtalktionary a whole ton of new associations are introduced.

7. These kinds of associations make it very easy to nip verbal violence in the bud.

8. Verbal violence goes way beyond the school yard.

9. Since we live in a confrontational culture, with microaggressions, how about micro-defenses?

10. People often bury verbal violence because they have no idea what to say back.

11. When people have a habit of burying verbal violence, they begin lying about it.

12. Some people are unsuccessful at burying things.

13. These are the lucky ones. They have a heart. If a human being can defend their own heart, they can defend other people.

14. Human beings can defend themselves silently. Without saying a word. Other people can see this.

15. Get them to repeat themselves. It fags out their energy.

16. Let's get back to the snow cone people. These are the ones who peep out from the top of their snow cones of power with beady eyes. For them everything they see has to do with your belt buckle or your shoes. They call that first impressions.

17. They attack themselves. Their own mind attacks themselves. What a trick!

18. Don't argue with them about anything! Simply say, “I know, right?” and move on. Never argue with a snow cone!

19. This is where they pony up phony. It's useful to respond to phony questions with something that's slightly off-kilter. Down, down, down deep, it stirs their heart, though this might also make them angry. Now they're angry snow cones!

20. Today an angry young man, probably the snowflake offspring of perfect snow cone people, pushed a homeless man aside on his way into Walgreens. —Get out of my way!

21. The snow cone people are really asking for it! Notice how you can turn them around, and they're all symmetrical.

22. I can go on and on about the snow cone people, and it just so happens, I will! If you do make the mistake of arguing with a snow cone person, they start spinning ... total lies.

23. And to think I was on the brink of plunging into the abyss. If a depressed snow cone person asks you a depressing question, come back from the edge!

24. Sometimes when you're dealing with these dorky things, some actual thugs come along.

25. They work in teams, go roaming around. If you can defend yourself a certain way, they'll leave you alone. It's just baiting.

26. The same holds true if you're a bunch of girls roaming around. Just pretend you have a gangster brother.

27. I think you should be able to walk down the street without any assaults knocking you over.

28. You're walking by a construction site and someone's screaming at you. The endless anger, no?

29. You've just walked into a get-together of some kind. Someone who's a total boor clamps onto you, relying on your upbringing, kindness or civility not to be rude. Instead, rather than grapple with whatever they're laying on you, you merrily say, “Up all night” and walk off.

30. The host walks up and says, “You need me?” and you choose from any one of the six responses on the right, next to the host's exact words. Pick one and only one of the six multiple-choice responses:

31. When you find a friend, notice how it's like walking through a mirror. You don't have to work too hard. You don't even have to say anything.

32. The party “dominant guy” walks up and tries to put his arm over your shoulder as if he's somehow “your pal.” He says, “What's happening, chum?” Again, pick and choose a response from below as you duck away.

33. The “cool cat” in dark glasses approaches. Gaze directly at their right eye, which is their “aggressive” eye. “What's the haps? How's it going? Where ya' been?” That's easy enough. Three unrelated irrational questions steaming in front of you like merde. You haven't even had a chance to breathe & you're lucky, 'cause it stinks!

34. If you ever hear yourself saying, “It's insane” to a snow cone person, it means they're trying to trick you into forgetting your aim. They're performing a minor form of hypnosis, having to do with distraction and misdirection. If they can get you to “the other side,” you'll find there's “never a place.” This means they've succeeded in getting you to forget what you were intending do. “It's insane! It's insane!”

35. Snow cone people put an exaggerated spin on things, flipping them back onto you. (No wonder!) Why should you accept their distorted condemnations?

36. You're at a café. A beggar interrupts you. You say, “A water scale,” to your neighbors, then turn back to the beggar and point off to the people at the cash register, and say, “Ask them!”

37. Someone tries to grab your attention. They won't stop. You have no idea what they're saying or what they're talking about. You say, “SURVIVE!”

38. When you're around snow cone people, you don't want to be too suffering, even when you may never, ever, ever, ever, ever connect with them in a meaningful way. From a façade of emptiness, behind a garbage gate, they plant false memories.

39. The snow cone people apologize when they needn't, and don't apologize when they might. For a little toddler gaping at College Madness on TV?

40. The Peanut Gallery! Snow cone people love to pop up from the peanut gallery! They're complete strangers. It doesn't make any sense.

41. To defend yourself from these attacks, you have to be purposefully misunderstood. It's an aggressive posture. Try to bend the universe. You can't! Realize on a very deep level, aren't they purposefully misunderstanding you?

Innovative. If anyone asks you about this website, it's as fruitless as having a conversation about training bras. Their unacknowledged veiled hatred leads them into “polite conversation” which is at best, tiresome, and at worst, treacherous & thoroughly unrewarding. They lie, they lie, they lie. “Killed any good animals lately?” always breaks the ice. “Any walruses or anything?” Anyway, they should be called “modesty bras.”

43. The socially-exclusive snow cone people imagine they can measure one another's mettle. It's all outer things with an occasional glimpse into something ephemeral. Crystal meth and heroin are knocking off their kids.

44. The working-class snow cone people have a more insidious way of being exclusive. It's the sly cats & dogs! Joy, joy, joy! “Taking a trip, man!” They hang out on sofas, giving you the appearance they're making out with your wife underneath the blanket. To keep company: “To do something relaxing that hasn't been decided.”

45. The Backtalktionary can be taken as a running commentary as to what's being thought or said. Its end result should be sleepless nights as people unlock repressed memories, and in the process, release huge amounts of buried energy. Good-bye, depression! Watch out, parents!

46. My car was perfectly still as I waited for the last swirl of pedestrians to clear the crosswalk for my left-hand turn. From behind, a straggler traversed alongside me and whacked the hood of my car. I flew through the air and snapped her neck. Then I hoisted her lifeless quivering body into the air and broke her back across my knee. She was watching from the corner of her eye to see what I'd do as she continued, a little skittishly, across the street.

47. “What's up?” “Is it always like this?” “Is this happening already?” Irrational questions make logical people furious, though vague forms of speech often make perfect sense within an erotic framework. Logic infused with sex. Who could have possibly dived to those depths?

48. Phony people are motivated by powerful feelings which remain in the dark. Those feelings may be rooted in fear, anger, hatred, or surprise, all of which may be amplified by a wild imagination. Phony people misconceive the significance of things, or the meaning of things. They try to offload their feelings onto you, by making you feel frightened, angry, critical, or insignificant. They're the snow cone people, bigger than life! And you're nothing.

49. Office Politics is done with praise (providing key information) and shame (actually withholding resources). It's called Power Sharing. In the same way language can become infused with sexuality, the stirile nature of off-putting small talk, delivered in a low-key or offhand manner, can also be infused with acceptance or dismissal. All of which contribute to puncturing the innocent joy of reason, wonder, beauty and awe. What a waste.

50. At some rudimentary level, the uneducated, illiterate, illogical pronouncements of some people shouldn't shake your tree too much. If you are well versed in logic, and innocently say, “This is one of the most beautiful avenues I've ever seen,” and the other person says, “You never been here?” you should be proud you can learn to say something right back, as a means to experience simple humanity without violations of structures in logic getting in the way. The beauty of what you perceive in the outside physical world should be able to stand on its own. Shouldn't a person be able to tolerate a quantum leap?

51. If you hold a question now, someday you will realize you have lived into the answer.

52. When you're out and about, just remember a psycho is simply an angry psychic, and that underneath all that bluster, they're just a snow cone person with a rooftop antenna. It's best to avoid entanglements. At rock bottom, always come back to intimidation. They're trying to intimidate you. Same as a mosquito.

53. When someone turns on you, to puncture your dreams, start an argument, or break up with you, learn how to switch sides A new light. No matter what you think, feel or believe, nip things in the bud by saying, “You've changed. I get it!” Then do less. Simply do less.

54. Pumped-up snow cone people often pretend something's wrong with you when you tell them you once lived near Walden Pond in Massachusetts. Try not to get pumped-up youself! Just lie low. Let them float off into outer space all by themselves, where they belong.

55. How did I ever get this far without mentioning the “friendly insult?” You can make a lot of money, can't you? Even better, “Hitch your wagon to a star.”

56. In olden days, if someone peeked into your heart, or into one of your memories, you'd imagine witchcraft. I don't think so! I just think it's my snow cone dentist, who can always see when I have a little too much more money than I know what to do with. There I was, laid out in his chair, all helpless, with him peering deep, deep into my brain! —Aha! He's got a windfall, and I'm taking it! I saw him thinking. “A-aaa-ah” is all I said.

57. What do puppies, kids, and friends have in common? Play with! That's Plan A. This does not mean anyone can instantly transform a bully or a snow cone person into a close friend, you may simply want to get away from them! That's Plan B. Then, for Plan C, always remember there's an entity inside you that's always inside you. It's the closest of friends. Look for this entity! Nourish it. Wait a week, continually attaching yourself to it best you can, and it will grow.

58. “Hate is the bride of Jealousy, and Sarcasm is Anger's ugly cousin.” —David Daniels

59. A familiar beggar is blocking your way into the pizza restaurant. You're a somewhat courteous person. There are perfectly civil ways to be rude.

60. A random authority figure is approaching you in a parking lot. He's thirty years old and you're actually seven years old. Practice sticking up for yourself in the face of Significant.

61. The police officer reassures me he's not going to give me a ticket for standing my taxicab at Fisherman's Wharf to enjoy the air & sunshine, and strikes up a conversation, pretending to be a “good old boy,” while doggedly asking how much money I make driving a cab. When it becomes clear I'm not going to discuss The Circle of Iron, he suddenly turns on me. For the “good old boy,” getting into reality comes down to issuing threats, launching irrational questions, and telling lies.

62. Snow cone people asking me how long I've done anything at all don't understand “I'm talking about the realm of ideas, a higher realm of existence.”

63. This website could be the Pesky Magnet of all time, sort of a lightning rod for disturbing questions. “What time did your shift start?” “How much money do you make?” “How have you been?” Simply give them a card for taxi1010.com and say, “OMG! The answer's all on this website!”

64. P.S., Ever wonder how to interrupt someone? They've suddenly launched into an unending narrative of what they do during the day, with no intention of stopping. On some “unconscious” level they're trying to make you angry, and the proof is, they're making you angry! They won't stop! Simply cry out “SHAZAM!” right smack in the middle of their spiel.

65. Are you the captain of your soul and the master of your fate? Then for starters, where, inside the body, is the physical location of the soul? And navigating outward, if you're not using yourself, someone, or something else, is. Don't grapple with people. Nip things in the bud.

66. To keep any secret whatsoever, act as if you came from a large, loving family, with instructions not to share that secret with anyone!

67. A bully is someone who goes around installing crime scenes in people. The idea is to shine light on this crime scene with a sense of humor. The idea is also to guard the crime scene to prevent a crime wave while you begin to understand it. Try not to burn up the crime scene, to flood the crime scene, to contaminate the crime scene, to mischaracterize the crime scene, or to let your mother on the crime scene.

68. It's 11:34 in the morning, Tuesday 23 January 2018. A woman has just parked her car to pick up a child at the school across the street. She's parked there before, you can tell. It should take her no longer than five minutes. The sign says, “NO PARKING 12:30 PM 3:30 PM 1ST TUESDAY EACH MONTH STREET SWEEPING” She gets out of the car and says something I don't quite understand. I ask her to repeat herself. “Is this the first Tuesday of the month?” she asks.

69. How does taxi1010.com relate to artificial intelligence?

70. How does taxi1010.com relate to Smooth-Talking Bots? Hint: See the Cade Metz & Keith Collins story in The New York Times Business Page Thursday, February 22, 2018.

71. Don't let nosy & stupid people, acting all rosy & cupid, trick you into complaining or arguing! Instead, practice being slyly subversive. Pretend they're smart!

72. “Will this make me a nicer person?” The man from Sweden was holding onto one of my cards. If someone is interested in staying up on the sidewalk, rather than leaping into the gutter to grapple with another person, then they have an opportunity to inject elements of joy into the conversation. It's a nicer idea. Why let other people take you over? A spark of joy can turn everything upside down.

73. “They tried to bury us, but they didn't know we were seeds.”
—Mexican proverb.

74. The Backtalktionary does particularly well with trick questions.

75. You ever get the idea certain sales people (Snow Cone People!) are attacking you?

76. You can see it coming. (Gulp!) The Small Talk Olympics. It's like being nibbled to death by ducks!

77. The super secret of tormentors, bullies and villains in general is that they're sexually attracted to the ones they torment. Sex, sex, sex. They want to jump you! Have a getaway plan, even if it's walking a few blocks out of the way.

78. On the flip side are Snow Cone People roaming around, trying to steal people's attention.

79. What you really are is The Observer, even now. It's subtle & silent like a ghost. You can make contact with it, like a friend.

80. Two days ago I heard a clear voice in my head: “I lied to you.” A day later I heard a responding voice in my head, equally clear, “I told him the truth!” I silently witnessed this, because I AM THE OBSERVER. I simply observe these kinds of exchanges, inside my own mind. Neither of these two voices made much sense, so I simply wrote them down, as if these inner voices are partaking in a war of some kind, that has nothing to do with me. You do or say nothing, you just plan your day.

81. The Mexicans have a simple saying, “The devil isn't smart. He's just old.” On the other side, “Nature doesn't have a partner.” If you hear voices in your head, no matter how real or convincing, you have every right to tell those inner voices to SHUT UP! Be silent about this, to keep from scaring people.

82. If you were a tree observing two human beings who cannot resist grappling with each other, (“When are you going to have children?” “Why would you ask me that?”) you could be especially proud you learned to take yourself out of it.

83. A stranger asking, “Is this yours?” is like merde searching for a home. It's a seriously hostile question. And even when it isn't hostile, it's still hostile. It's like an asteroid asking for the sun to explain itself.

84. I was alarmed when the man grabbed by right arm, earnestly saying, “I'm sorry!” Then I was shocked he wouldn't let go. I pulled back, then saw the light. He was close enough to murmur “Girl!” for my ears alone. It's a football trick, often used by bullies. I glanced in his direction as I extricated my arm with sort of a twist, then continued pulling way back as my instincts took over. My whole torso, right shoulder and arm kept going back like a quarterback's, then, with an earnest desire to kill the guy, my arm snapped forward as he ducked away. I walked over to my taxi lot locker and crouched down to fiddle with the combination in the early morning dark. From behind me I suddenly heard, “I was just saying, ‘I'm sorry!’ you fucking asshole!” He was screaming for the entire taxi lot to hear. He rushed over to where I was still puttering with the locker, with my back to him. “Don't you ever do that to me again!” Taxi drivers and managers were pouring out of buildings to see what the commotion was, and as I glanced at one of the managers who had seen everything, and who was now trying to duplicate what he had seen me do, a glint of sunshine shone in his eyes.

FURTHER READING :: The life-changing magic of tidying up : the Japanese art of decluttering and organizing / by Marie Kondo / Ten Speed Press / Copyright © 2014 Marie Kondo.

Gurdjieff's Emissary in New York : Talks and Lectures with A. R. Orage 1924–1931 © Book Studio 2016.

Sinfan the Savor by David Daniels / Ontological Nuclei Press / Copyright © 1979 David Daniels.

It's a Trade Secret : What to say to mean people, to phony people, and to stupid people, without getting down into their gutter / Second Edition, Version Two-Point-One (ever evolving) 1997 / The Street Works Cooperative / Copyright © 1997 Richard Ames Hart.

WEBSITE :: 1458privileged.com / The Economics of No Debt / Copyright © 2018 Richard Ames Hart.

sparkandconnection.com / “80 Super Polite Ways to Say NO!”

c-gym.com / “Consciousness Gymnasium”

1010playbook.com / “The Skinny”

Treasury for de' Bad People / “This particular page contains the entire Backtalktionary”

c-cin.com / “Feedback”