"Did you get into Yale [Law School] only because you're Puerto Rican?" [Interviewer at a law firm improperly grilling Sonia Sotomayor, who later became a Supreme Court Justice; he later congratulated her for having responded evenly, without getting all emotional, which she further took to be a sexist attack; she took his law firm to court] :: WildCard-9

—When you're a problem because nothing's wrong with you, that's really deep ... Anyone who attacks you gets your obedience ... If your mind is empty, they can't attack you ... Call my lawyer!

"You don't know what you're walking into."

—Things change each other ... or reflect each other.

"Bad things can happen in good places." (–Rodney Erickson, president of Penn State, October 2012)

—I certainly don't want a scar when I salute the Führer!

"You've got a problem, psycho?"

—Success breeds success.

"I don't think so, Richard, thank you. It's not what I'm going to put on my walls." [Any of my pastels]

—Anything that's light.

"No, ... I don't like people."

—Then I suggest you go in for boxing ... Someone hit you.

"A bastard's work is never done."

—Because it's rustic.

"Too many Asians."

—Make a circle! Make a circle!

"Don't worry about that – Blow it off."

—These people are wicked, and it's worse – They don't even know it.

"Richard not-coming-in Hart? You may have to go to the Eastern front, dude."

—You have to understand that dogs do things wrong.

["That's a Boston accent."] "That's extremely unlikely."

—You have to be your own friend, right?

"Are your hands clean?"

—Just for a while.

["When is Ramadan?"] "It's in the spring." [They'd rather make up an answer to appear knowledgeable than tell you they have no idea when it is – It's a form of lying, or misleading at best – it turns out the fast of Ramadan is sometime in September or October]

—Well, sure! I knew that! ... That's the way it is, and no one's going to tell me any better ... (Totally officious ... Worse than me! ... Because what that really is is a panic)

"[Henry David] Thoreau tried to make a virtue out of lack of rhythm. He said that the mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation. Okay, but how did he know? He didn't talk to that many people. He wrote elegantly about independence and forgot to thank his mom for doing his laundry." (–Garrison Keillor)

—It's very hard to remember these things.

"September: Time to lighten up and get a grip." (–Garrison Keillor)

—At least ... With millions of little silver picture frames on it ... People are asleep ... and they're mean, too, if you wake them up.

"Lighten up. Get a grip. Leave morose silence to teenagers; it's too dramatic for you and me." (–Garrison Keillor)

—I was experimenting.

"Nothing is so cheerful as the urge to commit art. The purpose of all great art is to give courage and thereby cheer us, just as the purpose of education is fundamentally cheerful – to draw us out of gloomy solitude and into a conversation with other scholars." (–Garrison Keillor)

—Roses grow on new wood; they don't grow on the old stuff ... Every day you do something ... It's like making rounds.

"I was negligent; it happened so fast."

—Just a little touch.

"Why don't you let the kids go upstairs and take a shower together?"

—What did you ever do?

"Why don't you let her take a shower with Ricky?" [Your mother, to a classmate's mother, when you were just kids]

—You don't have to struggle to make things good.

"That's a strange combination – computer science and erotic poetry."

—Like an overcoat of dreams.

"You are single-handedly trying to ruin my poetry."

—All kinds of shit ... Don't lower yourself.

"Speak for yourself!"

—The deepest parts of you are the smartest.

"Something bad is going to happen."

—Maybe you've corrupted yourself.

"Maybe something will happen."

—Something funny.

"Speak for yourself! – Do I look very happy to you?"

—I learned my lesson.

"It's not a clinic – It's a dentist's office!"

—Okay! Let's let it go.

"Please remember you do not speak for Dad."

—Do you still think you're missing something?

["These aren't Frisbees."] "Oh, you mean, like, Frisbee brand?" [Derisively, scornfully, viciously, from a store clerk attempting to sell expensive knockoffs]

—I'm WAY off base.

"Who needs a brain when you have these?" [Abercrombie & Fitch T-shirt for young women]

—It's better to not do your homework and get A's and B's than to do your homework and get A's and B's.

"For those of us with no need to speed type, the Storm is a great phone. In an economy like this, the world can do without ignorantly people more concerned with their own egos ripping apart an innovative and well conceived product. May the Devil find out you're dead immediately after you're gone." [Readers vituperating David Pogue without bothering to try out the product he reviewed]

—I danced with the baby with a hole in her stockings! I danced by the light of the moon ... He was the life of the party, morning, noon and night ... You don't think anything I say is true.

"Your article is a shameful report from someone who obviously is not knowledgeable in any of these newer items. Perhaps you should find something else to write about; although from this article you probably wouldn't do well in any area. Shame on you and on THE NEW YORK TIMES FOR SUCH INFERIOR REPORTING."

—Why would a genius be tripping out on me? ... Like a snake! Like an electric snake! ... Now watch out for your blood pressure ... Too hot to handle ... (They're imitating their parents now) ... There you go, out of the frying pan into the fire.

"I have serious doubts about your ability to evaluate tech. And your friends, for that matter. Yes, the Storm has a different emphasis than past BlackBerries, but it will continue to sell like pancakes."

—A lot of people get in trouble because they have to have something inside them ... That's how they sell cars, I guess.

"Having you comment on technology is like having Tom Cruise comment on religion. You stretch and distort facts to fit your opinions. Your biases are obvious to any objective person."

—All over the country ... From ocean to ocean ... It's more worthwhile to learn how to be empty on the inside ... Oh, you really are the rational person ... If you fart, you'll be in the shithouse.

"You know, one of these days you're going to be sorry."

—I know it's a jungle out there.

"I wonder why you created this illness (or experience)."

—I got it from you.

"We show respect for people."

—We've come a long way, haven't we?

"These are fake comebacks."

—Never noticed it, huh?

"One of these days you're going to go straight to hell."

—Next to the railroad station.

"Get into bed or I'll spank you!"

—You can get in a downskid.

"Don't test my patience."

—You've got the Blue Ridge blues!

"This is private property."

—They've got everybody coming and going.

"They think we're public property."

—It's good to get along with people.

"You've been warned."

—In the end, the race is only with yourself.

—Just a renegade.

—Yet another level of socialization.

"If you want, I could make you an extra in the Mayfire commercial."

—For some stupid reason.

"You have to WANT the job ... like, how hard girls have to work ... and they have to be willing to do anything."

—The problem is, you can't do what you want to do.

"Show me your bra, because you would make a great bra spokesmodel."

—You like that stuff, huh?

"Now remove it."

—That's civilization – You hurt yourself to keep from hurting others.

"You are letting people do things to you."

—For no reason at all.

"You are allowing people to treat you that way."

—A little chilly, huh?

"Don't worry."

—The smart thing to do is nothing.

"Don't worry about it."

—I'm no worse than you.

"Don't worry – It happens to lots of guys."

—There's nothing wrong with being strong.

"Don't even worry about it."

—Wait a week or two and see what happens.

"Why do you worry so much? You're worrying, you're worrying, you're worrying."

—It's just to understand what's going on.

"Cor-rect!"

—Everyone should listen to their mother.

"Hey, Richard, correct me if I'm wrong."

—Did you ever hear the saying, "Between the devil and the deep blue sea ..." —?

"Do you speak for me?"

—You can say anything you want.

"One more comment like that and you won't be getting anything at all."

—I'm just like my father.

"No comment."

—I kid you not.

"Is your baby sleeping through the night yet?"

—Big deal ... You need more faith.

"Richard, that's your Kesdjan body [Astral body]. You can't see it because it's you. That's your problem. Look it up. It's something good."

—Why do I have to use words to talk?

"Come on! What are you, sleeping?"

—Maybe it also helps you heal.

"Don't let the bastards get you down."

—Children have a way of curing people – if you're nice to them.

[Parting shots]

—My lucky day!

"I am offended and furious about your remarks on women in science and mathematics. Arguments of innate gender difference in math are hogwash and indirectly serve to feed the virulent prejudices still alas very alive and now even more so due to your ill-informed remarks." (–Maud Lavin, associate professor at the School of the Art Institute of Chicago, after Harvard president Lawrence H. Summers suggested that innate sex differences may leave women less capable in tenacious pursuit of math and science)

—Or five thousand years of breeding ... So that's no more?

"Why do so many people hate you?"

—Even if there are things wrong with me, why can't people like me?

"Why do so many people hate us?"

—Someone told me they explode – They're cheap, too.

"Bad people don't know they're bad."

—Next they'll say I killed the dog – As if dogs don't die anyway.

"Have a great day, and watch out for those phony people!"

—All you need is a brain.

"People say it is sometimes better to hide the truth. Why? Give me an example."

—Just an ordinary school.

"Mean people suck."

—And they left in a huff.

"Why, are we mean people?"

—If men were angels, we wouldn't need laws.

"You're having an identity crisis."

—If men weren't monkeys, we wouldn't need cages.

"I didn't get heartburn at all!"

—Thank God for the Church!

"Just go in there and do the hootchy-kootchy!"

—Don't volunteer!