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TRICKS
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WINGS
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IDEAS
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"Do you have a question?" [You're immersed
in reading something & they're trying to steal your attention]
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—Nothing yet.
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—In what sense? ... What are you going to do tonight? ... When will
it ever stop? ... Have I met you? ... That was totally wicked ...
How so? ... Staggering, huh? ... How come? ... Oh, really?
... Well, why? ... Who says? .... Any suggestions? ... Is that
clear? ... Why should I forget people are shits? ... Why should I even
talk to them? ... Would you rather be a fireman or a flower pot?
... See what you're missing? ... Whoever said cops are good? Or firemen?
... Isn't it strange how if you do what's right for everyone, everything
works out? ... Aren't people bad to dogs? ... When you meet someone,
ask yourself, "Do they see me, or are they trying to scare me the
way my parents did?" ... Don't you realize witnessing these things
keeps you away from the rapture?
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"Question?"
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—Nothing yet.
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—It hasn't cracked yet ... Who are your parents? ... Where do
you live?
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"My lighter not work. Can I use your car to charge
my cell phone?"
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—Bad actors.. Rats!
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—You know what? I'm not your guy – At least someone was nice
to you.
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"You begin to wonder what's the matter with the
long-term unemployed."
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—I don't see any evidence.
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—Whatever you do, don't go up into the hills and get snow and make
ice-cream.
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"Everyone feels sad that he's gone."
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—Nothing yet.
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—They certainly don't like sparks of light in the emptiness, do
they?
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"If it feels wrong, it's wrong – Say something
– It's your body." [Proposed public education campaign to speak
directly to children regarding child sexual abuse, Charles M. Blow, "No
More Suffering in Silence," NYT, October 10, 2009]
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—Nothing yet.
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—What do you say when you're abandoned? ("I am my best friend.")
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"Usually I date someone younger than me because if someone's
old, there's something wrong."
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—Bad actors.. Rats!
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—This is the age of jerks ... uneducated.
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"Oh, I'm just playing with you."
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—Bad actors.. Rats!
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—Being born into some families is like being given a life sentence
for a crime you never committed. (–Chris Phillips)
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"You're planning to have your tea, huh?"
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—I don't see any evidence.
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—What's the sense of having an imitation life?
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["Can I see that ring?"] "You wouldn't be able to afford
it."
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—Bad actors.. Rats!
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—It's like old shoes.
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"Problems with size?"
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—Nothing yet.
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—Is it dangerous?
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"What's the matter with you, boy?"
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—Nothing yet.
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—Probably had the right kind of mother.
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"What's the matter with you?"
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—I don't see any evidence.
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—Being nice!
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"What is wrong with you?"
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—Very little.
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—Doing is the only magic.
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"What the hell is wrong with you?"
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—Very little.
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—Who sold you the map?
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"That guy wasn't happy with you, was he?"
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—I don't see any evidence.
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—Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
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"I'm rubber and you're glue. Whatever you say bounces
off me and sticks to you!"
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—Very little.
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—Don't say I deprived you of a screw.
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"Whatever you say to me sticks to you."
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—Bad actors.. Rats!
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—You can't stop my life.
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"The same to you!"
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—Very little.
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—Hang in there, right?
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"Choke on it!"
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—Very little.
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—I'm not going to choke on my anger.
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"What's cooking?"
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—Very little.
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—We'll take another year, right?
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"Could I ask you a question?"
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—I don't see any evidence.
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—Why did you make me wait so long?
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"Just a quick question."
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—Nothing yet.
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—Take it!
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"I'm asking you a question!"
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—Bad actors.. Rats!
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—Gee, guys, you don't have much fun, do you?
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"That's a good question – I don't know."
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—Bad actors.. Rats!
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—Various things.
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"Can I ask you a stupid question?"
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—Bad actors.. Rats!
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—One of these days, pow!
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"Can I ask you another question?"
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—I don't see any evidence.
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—Another one?
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"I know that's a stupid question."
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—Bad actors.. Rats!
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—It's on the surface.
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"I have a question."
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—I don't see any evidence.
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—Could you tell me where 57th Street is, or should I just go fuck
myself?
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"Are you two an item?"
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—I don't see any evidence.
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—Maybe there's something going on that you don't see.
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"Trick or treat!"
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—Nothing yet.
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—Are you trying to trick people?
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"Trick or treat!" [From a Goblin]
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—Nothing yet.
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—Everyone's scared of monsters!
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"Trick or treat!" [From a Princess]
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—Very little.
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—So tell me, how did you get so pretty?
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"The proprietor of this site e-mailed me a link to RootGarden.com,
which I can only describe as Cake lyrics gone horribly, horribly awry."
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—Bad actors.. Rats!
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—It's really hard to know.
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"Did you do something on Halloween?"
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—I don't see any evidence.
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—How about you? – Did you wear a Freudian slip?
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"A little bit – You're a little worried."
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—Nothing yet.
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—There's always a way.
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"Try thinking about yourself – that way you don't
even get the slight pleasure of realization that you're torturing
someone else." [Faux charm, with real venom]
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—Bad actors.. Rats!
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—Keep your hopes up – Maybe you can torture me yet!
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"What's your diagnosis? Also, do you know of an
off-the-wall follow-up that can deflect this particular
one?"
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—Nothing yet.
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—You've got the touch ... the magic touch ... It's very interesting
what they don't tell you.
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"That's adorable. [Your diamond ring] It's all
he could afford, huh?"
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—I don't see any evidence.
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—Okay, there must be some smart ones.
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"Someone's been smoking in this cab!"
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—Bad actors.. Rats!
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—We ain't wrong! We ain't sorry! ... It's probably gonna
happen again.
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"What's wrong with someone saying, 'What's the
matter with you?'"
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—Bad actors.. Rats!
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—Some people try to go around collapsing other people's dreams.
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"I hope that's not presumptuous on my part."
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—I don't see any evidence.
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—Maybe it's the pain.
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"What if this is as good as it gets?"
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—Bad actors.. Rats!
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—There's always a way to do what you believe in.
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"Berkeley Municipal Code 14.36.030 C Prohibited
Parking - Red Curb 33.00." [The day before Christmas Eve]
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—Bad actors.. Rats!
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—Do you ever get angry when you swim underwater?
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17-JUL-1999. I found myself at Rick & Ann's Restaurant last night with one
of the most beautiful women I've ever known. Susan and I have been good friends
for well over twenty years, and now that she's getting a divorce, we can go
out for dinner and coffee and desserts. It's not just her good looks —
Something about her inner being reminds me of butterscotch.
Life has only so many opportunities, and the best thing a person can do is
be themselves. You see, if you don't practice simply being yourself, you can
get into enormous trouble if someone begins liking you for your act. Most everything
in your tone of voice, movements, gestures, facial expressions and posture is
genuinely of yourself, and is not an act, so when you defend yourself, you are
really defending your right to express yourself honestly. Then when you find
yourself with someone you really like, the relationship you have with them is
very close to the relationship you have with yourself.
Now, if they like you for what you are, that's great. And if they don't like
you for what you are, that's not an insult.
I had this dream last night. Actually, it was the end of a dream marathon.
There was a girl who was trying to give me some tips, and I really didn't know
whether to take her seriously.
"Here are some glasses tips," she tells me.
"Wait a minute," I cry out in the dream. "I don't even wear glasses!"
"All right," she tells me. "Here are some bronchitis tips."
I listen attentively.
23-OCT-2014.
