"You want some financial freedom? Go to taxi1010!"

—The treasury for the bad people.

"I met you before."

—Don't ask me for my phone number!

"If I hadn't moved here, I'd have never met Shamaila."

—You never know.

"It's because you're anal retentive."

—Over and over again.

"Need something?"

—Including time ... Abusive lending! ... It's hard to save money.

"What do you need?"

—Something fancy.

"Eighty dollars!" [Telling you the price of a ham & cheese deli sandwich]

—If someone's paying you, they're good.

"You need to pay yourself first – You need to put money in an IRA."

—You know what it's called – turning over the Queen of Hearts ... (to reinforce her family's conditioning) ... You know that family ... If it's not one way or another, they get you!

"You need to turn that off now!" [From an extremely ugly flight attendant on a severe toot]

—Sure! I always do.

"I feel damaged."

—Kill a tree for Christmas.

"What time is it?"

—It's not the worst ... You can't tell time.

"I need more than two dollars."

—That's what everyone in New York says.

"So what are you doing now, writing the great American novel?"

—This is my latest mystery I'm working on ... They're letting people swing in the wind, slowly.

"That's a novel idea." [You turned on the light]

—I'm a great believer in that.

"Love is all you need."

—How deep is the ocean? ... Monkeys, yeah! ... We need that water!

"I've been having a horrible time." [Facetiously ... on vacation in Hawaii]

—Sorry.

"Look alive! Look alive!"

—What about stealing things? ... The gold standard.

"You can't go straight up Battery to Market and Sutter?"

—Know the law, stay in the present, and stay away from policemen! ... Sometimes no matter what you do, Nature knows better.

"No price? It means I don't have to pay! That means it's free!"

—You're letting down the team.

"How's the price of gas affecting you guys?"

—It doesn't matter ... Give me a tough question!

"This means I get it for free today!"

—Then they go out of business ... I would be in trouble ... That's how it starts ... Next you're going to have a baby ... Wait forty years and it'll be free ... The Marine Corps always takes care of its own.

"That's what makes the Internet free."

—How come I don't have one?

"Why can't you do what you're told?"

—I wish I'd thought of it.

"You guys don't have leases?"

—A friend of mine cheated on a test; what should I do?

"Can you tell me what time it is?"

—Don't tell me you're losing money – Would you like me to tell you a story? – It doesn't make that much of a difference to me – I don't care, because I don't need it – Life is so stupid, it's mysterious – The submarine just left for Africa.

"Don't just stand there."

—Wherever it's cheap – I'm dreaming my mother and father are exerting a vague negative force on me – What's bad is to be dead. As long as you're alive, well ..., prison changes a man, bro'.

"Who has the time?"

—It's really good to steal from candy stores.

"It won't work."

—So just keep going, right? ... You have to set limits ... Give yourself some time ... Try not to jump into anything ... Generate solutions slowly ... Back yourself up ... Just wait five days, that's my advice ... It's the oil, really ... I'm sure we haven't tried everything ... Keep changing the rags ... What's the worse that can happen? ... Don't try to save rags ... Plan for contingencies ... Keep a sense of due perspective ... You just wait a few days.

["I love this kind of weather."] "All the time?"

—Yes, but it's happened twice.

"I think if you need that sort of thing, that's fine."

—You get a lot from getting hit over the head by life, and then reading something.

["Oh! He didn't tell me he was going on vacation!"] "There's no need for him to check with you."

—It's really ... what do they call it? ... character building.

"Do I need to fill this out?"

—Never have an ordinary day.

"We really need the rain."

—Where are the snows of yesteryear?

"You must really need the money!"

—That's my father's theory: If you give kids too much money, they'll want more.

"I forgot all about you!"

—It's cheaper.

"That was so funny, I forgot to laugh."

—It's not the end of the world, is it?

"We need this space now." [From an Anglican priest to an American visitor]

—Try to be more like Jesus.

"I have certainty."

—Aren't you interested in truth?

["Sir, can I help you?" "Can I just stand here a second?"] "No, you can't." [Seeking momentary shelter from the cold inside the reception area of Williams-Sonoma Corporate Headquarters]

—It could be a lot nicer than it is.

"You can't take this book out." [At library check-out counter, even though, if you had only known the librarian would hold the book, saying it's too damaged, you could have used an automated check-out machine]

—All right – It's yours.

"Can't you do anything right?"

—You can imagine what the Pope pulls on people.

"You can't bring the dogs."

—The wrong person might get hold of them.

"If you can't do it, don't do it."

—Real friendship does not revolve around favors.

"Do you like to be interrupted when you're nancing around in your garden?"

—You know, it wasn't a broom in the old days – It was a whole bush they'd rip up.

"Some things never change."

—The road to happiness.

"Why did you change my work?"

—Whatever it is that's hard to read.

"I NEED TO KNOW!"

—I don't know how to explain it.

"Oh, you don't need to do that!" [Helping them get out of the cab]

—What did Lucifer say? – "Better to reign in hell than to serve in heaven."

"She probably won't even get it."

—Screw-ups are as common as breathing.

"I need to rest." [Putting her head on your shoulder]

—Don't hold back.

"Got the time?"

—Plenty of it – Are you free?

"Do you know what time it is?"

—My slave bracelet.

"Will you come back and pick up the mess your dog left in my yard?"

—Take me to Toonville!

"We can't drive around them – We can't go around them." [The mountains]

—What kind of life is that, ruining the family's finances?

"Go stand in the corner."

—I'm standing in the corner of my smile!

"Hiding in the corner?"

—Is that something I should be afraid of?

"This notice is a demand for your 2002 tax return."

—What do we do when we see Hitler?

"C'mon, a used ashtray ... Look in that drawer ... I'm not kidding you! ... You'll never work in this town again."

—Talk about being rigged.

"Get back under the manhole cover."

—I'm going to miss life when I don't exist.

"There you go – You could write a little utility to recall mail you've already sent over the Internet."

—You wouldn't.

"You have to pay your dues."

—I'll take you seriously if you take me seriously.

"A person who wanted to pass wouldn't turn in a handwritten paper."

—You can see the difference.

"You heard what you wanted to hear."

—It's the cry of the jungle.

"The dinner's on you? – That's what you said?"

—Not yours.

"So who gets the tab? – Can you take care of it?"

—If you're in a pinch.

"Tell them the other part of that story."

—You can stop kidding around, right?

"I want to have a major part in my movie."

—I'm going to lose no matter how you look at it.

"Oh, I don't have time for this stupid shit!"

—Now that's a sense of humor.

"If you'd listened to me, you'd be a lot better off today."

—Peace of mind and a sense of humor.

"Thank God your father isn't still alive – he was so proud of you."

—How can you understand the sorrow and the pity if you don't have any?

"THERE IS AN EXCEPTION TO EVERY RULE AND EVEN THE RULES CANNOT BE AGREED ON, IT'S DRIVING ME INSANE. I can't do anything right!" [Link]

—THEY'RE STUPID!

"You're not as good as your mother."

—How many people just walk out?

"You're never going to amount to anything."

—You might as well have fun.

"Fuck her! She's unsafe with a gun!"

—I don't believe you.

"Your screen is open – I knocked on your door!"

—That's the only proof that there's a God.