"Ain't gonna help a nigger out any way." [From a beggar stalking you on the street]

—Not everyone.

"Dude, he just called you a pussy! You gonna take that?"

—The endless anger.

"Site is confusing. If the subject sounds interesting to you, please read 'The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense' by Suzette Haden Elgin." [Link from sensibleerection.com]

—If you haven't read it, you should read it.

"Thank you for your site!"

—You can't go wrong when you serve another person's needs.

"What's the worst thing you've ever done?"

—I hurt someone's feelings once.

"Do you have any control over how creepy you allow yourself to get?" [From the 1997 movie, As Good As It Gets, with Jack Nicholson]

—Gone crazy, back soon!

"Kids don't like you at my school – They think you're creepy." [From the 2012 documentary, Bully – See also stargate22, intimidation, lying]

—There's a part of me that really wants to go there ... They sewed my head back on! ... Love isn't always on time! ... Wild hearts can't be broken ... Creepy just means honest! ... A certain irreverence (Or spark!) enables me ... I'm going to start a Society for People Who Say Most Awkward Things ... You can have anything you want, but you better not take it from me!

"My friend over there says you're a jerk."

—Really perplexed ... Don't kid yourself.

"Can you ever calm down for just one second?"

—Born to achieve.

"If you didn't like the first, then you'll hate the second." [Lord of the Rings movie]

—Be afraid of the unlived life.

"You're so full of shit your eyes are brown." [Mother to teen-age daughter]

—"Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire." (–William Butler Yeats) ... You have the genes of a shit-smeared pig – You're not fit to be my mother.

"There may be pedestrians unfamiliar with the city, who don't even see you." [Officer giving you a ticket for not completely stopping before making a right turn on red]

—You mean like Donald Duck when he turns into a locomotive?

"Hypothetically, an eighteen-wheeler truck could have been coming through that intersection."

—It's like the Middle Ages.

"The dinosaurs had three brains, each essentially on or off: one was to eat or not eat; one was to kill or not kill; and the third was to nurture or not nurture."

—It wouldn't be impossible, huh?

"Google has claimed its $1 billion investment in AOL 'may be impaired.'"

—So it's lost its internal luster ... They made a bad guess, didn't they?

"Don't be so demeaning."

—I didn't know how rich we were ... In spirit!

["I'm going to call the city."] "I am the city."

—That's hard for me to believe.

"You can say that all you want."

—It's so mean, isn't it? ... The idea of it!

"Oh, he's writing it down."

—"Spinning a theory of stupidity while cataloging its sightings." (–Emily Eakin, New York Times, July 5, 2003)

"What are you writing?"

—They cost too much – I'm waiting for the price to come down.

"I'm sorry, Sir, I didn't think you could be insulted."

—I wouldn't take that from anyone! – When I'm dead, I'll let you know.

[Someone feeling suicidal] (Urethral sadism -- Feeling angry and powerless, unable to cope with the pain and humiliation of wetting the bed, and believing (1.) the warmth will never return, and (2.) the pain will never stop, they've decided to piss their life away; this intense pain resurfaces in early adolescence, under various inexplicable circumstances having to do with sexuality (outer-directed love towards people who don't even know how to like you, where you came from, or even where they came from; they could care less; if you even try to talk to them about all this, they lie; they'd rather distract themselves with shopping, travel, movies, vacations, politics and cruelty. Oops! That's urethral sadism, too!))

—You're not lacking anything – You just haven't learned a lot ... Any kind of criticism or praise, tell your mind to shut up! ... This is a crisis in your life ... You can change your life in a month ... You can go through an entire life without learning certain things ... Now we're getting professional about this ... Just lower your expectations ... Say, "Shut up, you rats! Don't tell me what to do, or how to do it!" ... It makes you feel secure ... Bring out certain things you feel are hidden ... And that dog is good! ... We can't ask the dog to be gooder! ... "Most of all, [Dr. Maria Trozzi said,] make it very clear to your children that those who took their lives were not very good problem solvers — to put it mildly. 'Ask them,' she suggested, 'Who do you think you can talk to if you have a problem.'" (–Benedict Carey, "Teenage Suicides Bewilder An Island, and the Experts," The New York Times, March 18, 2008) ... Now if you want to Van Gogh your ears, don't show up! (They call them speckled Acht Tungs!) ... I like to have my own life, and let people have their own life.

[Contents for a suicide kit]

—"You'd open it up and find (1.) Three twenty dollar bills, a ten, and two fives; (2.) a really good short-wave radio; (3.) a few Valiums; (4.) five marijuana joints; (5.) The lyrics to the Mexican hit, 'Pussy, pussy, pussy, marijuana!'" (–Deadbeat Paying Job)

"Oh, I'm not photogenic."

—A star! – There's nothing on the web like that! – The colony needs maple syrup – People don't quite understand what a delicate thing it is – If you can see where it goes, you can see where it comes from.

"I saw one of myself which I couldn't hardly stand! – I said, 'This is a terrible photo of me.'"

—You weren't serious about your food – Live slow, die old, and leave a lousy looking corpse!

"I can get out here if you want."

—Maybe I'm wrong.

"Maybe you can go to another stand. I don't need you barking at me, telling me what to do when I'm doing something else now."

—No matter what I do.

"Well, in my opinion Hitler didn't finish his job – He should have killed all the Jews while he had the chance."

—Very illuminating ... I shoot the rats, put a knife in the vermin, step on the bed bugs, and count my blessings ... You have to get an imagination! ... Ask people within walking distance of your cave, you know?

"Duuhhh!"

—You're smarter than that.

"That's not hard to figure out."

—It's not that deep.

"Go figure."

—It's just another thing.

["Can you tell me what row it's in?" (Your taxi)] "Sure I can tell you." [Turning their back on you]

—What happened to me? I'm beginning to feel insecure.

"Do birds fly? Do fish swim?"

—How did THAT happen?

"Don't trust nobody."

—What can you do?

"I don't know if I can trust you."

—Life is a two-way street, as they say in Chicago.

"You can do the dishes." [You're their guest]

—What did you eat?

"Don't trust him!"

—I'd rather work with Buddha.

"You admitted you failed to follow NYPD regulations, so why should we trust you now?"

—Boy, do you learn fast in those places – I'm just telling you the lowdown – See where it goes, and then you can see where it's coming from.

"Has your cum ever dribbled and you wish it had shot out?"

—I'm old-fashioned.

"Taxi drivers can use this."

—People can have ideas.

"There it is – proof of something or other."

—They don't have to live in the mire.

"Let me tell you why I'm skeptical."

—Think big.

[Self attack]

—So you'll have to change "I like your doilies!" to "I like my doilies!" – If you know how to turn it off, you can turn it on.

["Let's go away for the weekend."] "I can't ... You can take Kitty!" [Her imaginary friend]

—Whenever you want.

"It's nice work if you can get it."

—When two hearts beat as one.

"Nice work if you can get it."

—Well, let's hope there's no crash.

"I can do whatever the fuck I want!"

—We want you to make lots and lots of money!

"No one could ever love you like I do."

—She destroys them – Then she cures them.

"I could never respect a man who kisses and tells."

—Maybe we can go on an earthquake hunt.

[Teenager leaving his socks strewn about the living room]

—Where's my man?

"You're a murderer!" [Palestinian to a Jew]

—God is going to take care of the whole place.

"The other driver let people off! Use your head, bimbo!"

—That's the best I can do – Sorry!

"Bigger is better, right Pat?" "Pat says, 'I don't think he heard you.'" [Conversation in an office for you to overhear]

—Everyone gets blamed.

"She says you're a slow bartender."

—Maybe that's safe, you know?

"We don't like your kind."

—It's retro; it's elitist.

"I went over to Mike and Annie's – I cooked."

—Grace is something that calls on you – You can't create it.

"Can you prove that it wasn't?" [The will of God, or divine retribution]

—They also are served, who sit and lynch niggers.

[Your dog's saying,] "Screw you!"

—God knows what else.

[Your dog's saying,] "Yes, master!"

—Not that it matters.

[Someone turning their back to you on a barstool]

—It's the left-behinds – He broke his mother's heart – He went into the refrigerator business.

[Someone talking to you with their back turned]

—Fixated – It's called revolving around a hard place.

"What kind of writing do you do?"

—Starving for literature, huh? ... Warmth, psychological shelter – You have to be sure no one can bop you ... I'm writing a book, "Women I Haven't Married."

"He's kind of ossified – a little stodgy."

—I have a tattoo – Good-by! ,,, Fundamentally, you can't want a squirrel, and chasing them is out of the question.

"I love books!"

—These are spiffy two-tones!

"You know, Richard, they have whole books on that."

—You should read, "Self-Reliance" by Ralph Waldo Emerson.

"I like bigger books because you get more for your money."

—That's all you see from the air, is farms ... millions of little farms.

"I read 'em and I toss 'em."

—Well, the older you get, the faster things go.

"How much traffic do you get?"

—Maybe Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer ... In the cold months ... Boring, huh? ... It's always more than you think.

"You could be the President's chauffeur."

—The romance of poverty.

"Why not? I am actually trying to help you here. I am trying to be kind."

[See Icarus and the Gutter Snipe]

"What kind of writer are you?"

—It's like a genii in a bottle, and sooner or later you pull the plug and your whole life will change.

"What kind of pig are you?"

—The GOOD kind.

"What kind of asshole question is that?"

—An AUTHENTIC question.

"I feel sort of sorry for you."

—Great expectations.

[Someone giving you a check that bounces]

—Only one more.

"Do you know about Google?"

—You have no idea how advanced you are.

"What did Tolstoy say?"

—Keep the door open.

"Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me! I've been trying to get a check for twenty minutes and I've got a movie." [a restaurant patron lying about any time spent]

—Times are changing! ... The coast is clear.

"If you really cared about my welfare, you would give me my check."

—What do you think you're doing wrong?

"Check out the laws of this country."

—As we go.

"I bet if I wasn't a white male, you would give me a check."

—When did you start thinking that I am discriminating against you?

"Maybe this'll help."

—Put a broom on top – I'll get it on my way back.

"Can I tell you what's wrong with you?"

—Please don't! ... That really isn't very fair, is it?

"I have an announcement! The children are coming to our house every Christmas!"

—That's making a spectacle of yourself.

"I've decided to leave the old house you you, and the diamonds to your sister."

—Not everyone is clever; not everyone is smart.

"You have to apply yourself."

—So that's your secret!

"I am going to be a seal for Halloween."

—Have a cookie!

"Are you still here? It's ten minutes to nine."

—Ever hear of a vacation?

"Thanks for wasting our time."

—So are you.

"I don't want to see you anymore."

—Aren't I lucky to be a wreck?

"There's a missing gap."

—A low-rent worldliness.

"I don't want to be married anymore."

—You have more fun.