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Taunts, Insults or Attacks

Codewords Inside Aggressive "Tricks"

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The Way Out

 

CLINIC

PATIENT

DIAGNOSTIC

Patient refers to it as stargate-two-seven

A Distracter.3

Ambush.1

 

TOOLSET

INFORMAL FALLACY

 

—Password! Military.

—Not recently.

Hold it! 

—Just wait!

Moxie's

Disease

 

But It's An Emergency! — When you're a child, how do you know if something really is an emergency? A family really should have an "Emergency Password," and without it, a child should practice being outrageously bad.

 

NOTES TO MYSELF

PSYCHOLOGICAL AGE

CLASS

[hijacking, swindling & childnapping] - If an adult suddenly appears to pick you up at school, saying your mother is in an emergency, how can you comfortably refuse to go along? - Use caution with strangers who seem to be overly nice. - This is true for adults as well as for children - For instance, some adults are like specters, or ghosts, who suddenly move in with you because you accidentally invited them to - With anyone you're just getting to know, who seems, "Oh, So Nice, So Understanding," Just wait!

The Age of Attention, ages 4-7

Rules

 

 
 
 
 
 

Exactly what someone said [or did]
... usually not very original.

The thoughts of a "bad child"
... to free your mind again.

TRICKS

WINGS

IDEAS

"My last boyfriend had a big one."

—Password! Military.

—Let's see who has the nicest one.

"Oh, come on!" [Angrily]

—Password! Military.

—It's unstoppable.

"Any stories for me?"

—Not recently.

—That one must be in the bedroom.

"Is it all one family?"

—Not recently.

—Without asking.

"One day! One day!"

—Password! Military.

Sure, Jack! ... It's terrible!

"Here's a twenty and two cents." [Simultaneously handing you a ten-dollar bill and two pennies]

—Hold it!

Our Hints ... The Devil Made Me Do It!

"Tom has a Ph.D. – He should be able to figure it out – Yours doesn't count."

—Password! Military.

—Separate the ugly from the confusion.

"This is a hundred and seventy dollars – Better count it. [It's actually a hundred-fifty, short a twenty]

—Hold it!

—Farewell!

"Here you go – It's eight." [Cheating you! -- Giving you seven one-dollar bills, that you're not supposed to count]

—Hold it!

—It'll last forever.

[Your roommate cheating you]

—Password! Military.

—Why do they cheat people? They do it to knock off people. It makes them feel important. They think that's sharp. They're very small insecure people, so the only way they can feel secure is to cheat people.

"Knock, knock!"

—Hold it!

—The final vomit is coming out of the beached whale! ... Things are falling in! ... The unconscious is powerful and clever! ... Most poets are screwballs! ... If you're insane, you can say anything you want, right? ... You have to be kind to people ... You have to do your work ... That's bad! ... Now I'll really open up!

"I've got to take a shit at your house – I gotta go! – I'll piss in my pants!" [Kids exchanging "shock talk" for the benefit of passerby]

—Hold it!

—He's a theoretical Marxist.

"Now you'll do my house!"

—Just wait!

—Sure! Why not? I'm an artist, and I know what's important.

"Yo, baby, I want to drink your bath water!"

—Password! Military.

—Do they deliver?

[Helpful things to scream back at a driver who's screaming out his window at you]

—Password! Military.

Helping Dad! ... You're too hot to handle! ... Why do I have to do that? ... What's the deadline? ... Why do people have to believe the same thing? ... Good training! ... Stay out the bushes! ... Work harder!

"Come on, cabbie!"

—Not recently.

Another handicap.

"Honey, your mom sent me to pick you up."

—Hold it!

—What's the password?

"Honey, you have to come with me."

—Hold it!

—I'll do anything you like, or see that it gets done, as long as you put it in writing and sign your name to it.

"Please, come over here."

—Password! Military.

—I've got a nose to pick with you.

"It's an emergency."

—Not recently.

—There's a pack of electric little phony girls.

"Say, 'Yes, Sir!'" [Lieutenant Commander mauling six-year-old boy]

—Password! Military.

—Thoroughbreds don't cry.

"Sir! Can I help you with something?" [A movie house manager challenging you because you're taking notes after a movie]

—Password! Military.

—Lots of help.

"Yes, sir?" [Challenging you as you walk in]

—Hold it!

—Anything missing?

"Hey, you! Come here!"

—Hold it!

—What about loafing?

"Come over here!"

—Hold it!

—Enough already!

"Do you have a pen in your purse?"

—Hold it!

Something better! ... Find a dog!

"How's everything, Richard? Everything fine?"

—Password! Military.

—Makes me feel relaxed. [$800.00 in a box]

"Richard, what are you doing here? I wouldn't stay here, if I were you. It's just for women."

—Not recently.

—Everybody takes 'em ... I don't care ... Even Elvis is coming.

"Well, that's you, Richard."

—Just wait!

—Understanding the interrelationships between light, tension, capacity, in everyday life ... putting them on the radar, that's what helps ... You don't have to make it complicated.

"You have to watch what you say around Richard – He has no sense of humor."

—Not recently.

—Just an index card.

"Mick asked me, 'Why does Richard work so hard?'"

—Hold it!

—You know, one of the things that's very important is ... Oh! I forgot! ... Life is short. Party naked!

"I'm not your mother, Richard."

—Not recently.

—The whole world is my mother.

"Richard, pull on this string!"

—Hold it!

—That has nothing to do with me!

"Never mind, Richard." [Condescendingly]

—Just wait!

—The kiss of death.

"I had a chilling thought."

—Hold it!

—Don't take it so seriously.

"Honey, can you help me out a little? Can you help me find my puppy?"

—Password! Military.

—Just like anyone would ... What about Thursday lunch? ... I'm having trouble with my laser printer ... After that ... It's up to each person to solve their own problems! ... It all depends on how much in a hurry you are ... You have time ... You have to be a little goofy, a little dumb, a little strange.

"If it's too hot, we can play in my bedroom." [From a child molester]

—Hold it!

—Because you're smart ... You know, this is going to go on your permanent record ... I have a thing for older women ... I don't care if it's proper ... Just be as good a person as you can, and help anyone you can. Attend to self-esteem, integrity, honesty, pleasure & nourishment. Stay away from anything that's tricky, risky, or glib.

"Come to my office."

—Hold it!

—The student has outshone the master now.

[A completely lackadaisical person gesturing for you to come on over to chat, and if you do, they say, "Do you have change for a twenty?"]

—Hold it!

—There's a nut that's missing.

"Can you make change for a twenty?"

—Not recently.

—Busy day.

"You think you keep saying that, it's gonna change anything?" [A History of Violence, 2005]

—Just wait!

—A little more every day.

"We're on the way down – failed mystics."

—Password! Military.

—Forced to live beneath your society.

"I was just saying anything."

—Password! Military.

—And you're only one year old – Saying you're confused is the last refuge of a scoundrel!

"Just answer my question." (–James Fallows, The New York Times, June 12, 2005)

—Password! Military.

—You're one in a million – You're very thorough.

"Give me your purse! ... Give me your wallet! ... That's right, there ... That's what I'm talking about!"

—Hold it!

The best way is don't [respond to things] ... That's it ... You had your thrill ... They probably shoot neighbors there when they're sick ... Forget it! ... Don't go to college; it's a waste of time ... Here's a twenty: Put it in your pocket ... That's WASP therapy! [hunting, shooting out the window of the cabin] ... You have to be on the lookout.

"Is there another front entrance? ... I want to save him the trip of coming down." [Stranger at your apartment building, waiting for you to open the door]

—Just wait!

—Let's wait ... Hold it, hold it, hold it ... Everything takes longer than you expect.

"How do you keep a moron in suspense?"

—Hold it!

—After many a summer, dies the swan.

"IT'S A RED LIGHT, BABY!"

—Hold it!

—THEN WAIT!

"Instead of saving up for two years, you'd have to save up for five years." [To fly on the Concorde]

—Not recently.

—Wait then!

"Did any potential terrorist just buy an airplane ticket?"

—Hold it!

—Looks like me!

"Hey, man, gimme five dollars." [An initiation-style robbery, perhaps leading to your pain, injury or death]

—Hold it!

—Well, wait a minute! – You may be in a hurry, but I'm not – You're not the worst one anymore.

"Allah-u-Akbar! – God is Great!" [And then they start murdering]

—Hold it!

Excuse me! ... I have to sit next to my mother! ... You can understand that, can't you? ... I have no reason not to die, myself.

"Freeze!"

—Hold it!

—Did anyone yell out, "I wonder why?"

[Someone coming into your classroom with a gun]

—Just wait!

On the count of three! One, two, three! ... Geronimo! [Everyone in the class throw your pens, pencils, used needles, knapsacks, and textbooks at the guy, gang tackle his arms and legs, and pounce upon him like a bunch of crazed Chinamen ... then go get your teacher, who probably jumped out the window]

"Age before beauty!"

—Hold it!

—Health before illness!

"Be my guest."

—Hold it!

—It could be beautiful, but it's all slums.

"DID YOU SEE MY LIGHTS?"

—Hold it!

—What did Marie Antoinette say? (Quit while you're ahead)

[How to extricate yourself from something]

—Hold it!

—Just take a minute! ... Don't forget! You can be little. You don't have to be big! ... I've got to take care of a sidecar ... Not right now ... Not this time ... That's a long way from never ... Could you say that a little bit nicer? ... If I was lucky, I'd be dead.

"Jack it up – Get better stuff." [From the Iraqi detainees]

—Just wait!

—Let 'em fuck the electric fences – What do we care?

«At any time if you feel at risk if you feel a situation is escalating»

—Hold it!

—One stupid thing after another.

"How strong is the new evidence of nuclear programs in Country X?"

—Just wait!

—Don't forget to breathe!

"How has California's standing among states in per-student school funds changed since the 1960s?"

—Hold it!

—You're the most wonderful man I've ever met.

"What's it like to have the body of a ten-year-old boy?"

—Not recently.

—A frail little person.

"This is our best opportunity to get equipment money from the dean, and adding these things [to your formal requisition] won't affect your getting the equipment you actually need." [A fraudulent request to slip in a few extra items]

—Password! Military.

—It's that first request to kill a guy that keeps so many people from joining organized crime – We can add a supplementary list of items you consider invaluable to the department – An honest document should satisfy the chairman. (–Randy Cohen in The New York Times, October 21, 2003)

[A group of people standing behind your chair in a bar or restaurant, occasionally bumping into you, or kicking your chair]

—Just wait!

[Don't say anything at all to the people; talk to the manager, who is supposed to call the police or do something; if you have any confrontation at all with the people, they're likely to wait and settle it, outside the restaurant; do what a gangster would do, which is nothing] "Behind the morning glories, behind the arbor, behind the falling fence ..."

"Wow! What a cute couple! Coming in to do the laundry together!"

—Just wait!

—Too advanced?

[Someone making bedroom eyes at your girlfriend]

—Just wait!

—One day you can have one of your own.

[The two-fingered "eyes on you!" gesture]

—Password! Military.

—It's chilling.

"Stop asking these newbie questions. Makes you look like a moron."

—Password! Military.

—Under what circumstances? When you take your gun out and say, "Your money or your life!" — ? ... How could you be so smart? ... Kids think they're bad already ... Well, who are you, Sister Teresa?

"Your wife is my whore."

—Password! Military.

—So what do you think of people who see God's asshole?

"Don't tell my wife."

—Not recently.

—Comes the dawn.

"After meeting dozens of contacts, it dawned on me that all these prospects were always cordial and welcomed me even when they had no interest in my product, and I was never treated with disrespect. I suddenly realized that these prospects were fine people, and it dawned on me that I had no reason to think badly of anyone. It was a very positive discovery in my contacts with people." (–Laurence Gray Sprunt, "The Past ... A Stairway to the Future," Wrightsville Beach Magazine, April 2012, p. 38)

—Password! Military.

—How long would it take to put a new heater in?

"Anything for you!"

—Just wait!

—Every dog has its day ... (See also, "'Princelings' in China Use Family Ties to Gain Riches," by David Barboza and Sharon LaFraniere, The New York Times, May 17, 2012)

"If you wait long enough, it will come floating down the river."

—Just wait!

—Halloween – when the veil between the living and dead is the thinnest.

"I don't want to see you, I don't want to talk to you, I don't want to have anything to do with you."

—Just wait!

—I don't want anything good.

"You never finish anything."

—Just wait!

—Someone trying to do what no one else ever did is a little strange.

"You never do anything right."

—Just wait!

—You don't even have to do anything right.

[Utter nonsense]

—Password! Military.

—[Any children's song] ... "This old man, he played one, He played knick knack with his thumb, With a Knick, knack, paddy whack, Give the dog a bone, This old man came rolling home."

"You must think forty of fifty grand is nothing."

—Not recently.

—No many how many times my parents point out my shortcomings, I fail to see them.

"Why is it exponentially better?"

—Not recently.

—Even lower than that.

["Joe Lieberman was our high school class president."] "Did you check your wallet after that?"

—Password! Military.

—Some are under my bed.

"Will you watch my purse?"

—Hold it!

—It's the only one I've ever seen.

"Do you think it's fair for me to wait FOREVER?"

—Not recently.

—It would still be worth it!

"I haven't eaten all day, my God!"

—Not recently.

—Over and over again.

"Over my dead body!"

—Not recently.

—Let us remember people while they're alive.

"It's so funny, every time I read it, I peed in my pants."

—Not recently.

—I have to go rescue my friends now.

"I'm going to take a poop."

—Not recently.

—As the world turns!

"Are you playing with yourself?"

—Not recently.

—It's dangerous not to like yourself, because you're the best friend you have.

"I've turned into the kind of person I'd never be friends with."

—Not recently.

—"Be!" –Plato; "Do!" –Aristotle; "Do-be! Do-be! Do!" –Sinatra.

"Dear Richard Hart, Thanks for sending MIND CANDY. I am sorry to report that the project is not right for Chronicle Books. Good luck with another publisher. Best wishes, Steve Mockus, Associate Editor."

—Password! Military.

—They want to be able to control their destiny.

[Someone spam-blocking your e-mail]

—Just wait!

—It's good to have a little trouble, too — It smartens you up.

"We don't feel your work is up to our standards."

—Not recently.

—What about boys who don't have fathers?

"Sorry, your site is NOT APPROVED. Try another WebRing ... Good luck, ART NETWORK"

—Not recently.

—I am such, that a person like that hates me.

"This is just one of those days."

—Just wait!

—You can't tell if she's Eve, the apple, or the snake.

"Does this work on every girl you give one to?" [The radish flower]

—Not recently.

—It's amazing how they grow.

"Can you get one more?"

—Not recently.

—Enough is enough. Don't do too much.

"[And that energy bill] was loaded down with goodies, billions for the oil companies, and it was sponsored by Bush and Cheney ... And you know who voted for it? You might never know. That one." (–Senator John McCain, smiling and pointing to Mr. Obama, without looking at him)

—Not recently.

—Do you think Bush is a secret agent for communism?

"Have a good one."

—Just wait!

—You get a ball point pen and go to work!

"Have a good one." [Sleazily]

—Just wait!

—It's good to work hard; it's good to feel happy; it's good to live.

"See this guy? Of all drivers who have a medallion, he's a 'one.'"

—Password! Military.

—Are you losing money?

"Did you buy one?"

—Not recently.

—All beat up ... Those were the days.

"Your loss."

—Password! Military.

—Better limited and alive than unlimited and dead.

"It's your loss."

—Password! Military.

—Like a flower melting in the snow.

"Your loss, not mine!" [Bitterly, because it's the end of your shift, and by not taking them, your thirty dollar late fee can be avoided]

—Password! Military.

—Talk to the hand!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
 

REFLECTIONS

 
 
 
 
 

10-JUN-1999. To the deepest parts of the mind, it's hard to discern between authority figures.


12-JUN-1999.

A CONFIDENCE GAME

Con men can fool you, though it gets harder and harder. Here's the way a gentleman pays a cab driver: He fans the bills out so you can see them, smiles, and says, "Keep the change." Here's the way a con man pays a cabbie: While his innocent wife stands off to the side, waiting for the befuddled husband who just can't seem to get things straight, he says, "Let's see, forty dollars ...."

Now the fare is $29.90, so when you hear him saying, "forty dollars," you pretty much keep your mouth shut, not believing your good fortune. You try not to stare at all the bills he flutters in front of your eyes, while he frequently mumbles, "I've got to get this right. Let's see, five, twenty ...."

Finally, he removes just a few bills from the stack and keeps them for himself, enclosing the wad he's handing you inside a five dollar bill — I don't know why, but it's always a fiver — You look down and see all that money wrapped inside a fiver — It's that tip, man! It's more than a tip!

So you pocket the folded cash, as the con man ingratiatingly holds your attention with an only too human smile, saying, "Is that all right?" which somehow seems to get him off the hook.

Of course you say and think and believe, All right! Only later you count it. You're lucky if you find more than five singles stuffed in there, though during the con, if he had the slightest suspicion you're the kind of person who at least glances at the wad, he'll replace a single with a twenty, for a grand total of $29.00 — still ninety cents short.

It's not easy gaining someone's confidence, just to shatter it, like when a grown man politely ushers a little boy through an open doorway, proclaiming, "Age before beauty!" Who would have the cheek to exclaim over their shoulder, "—Health before illness!" — ?


16-MAR-2014.

 

Thick
of
It

ShortCuts

Top
of
Page

 

As follows

CODE WORDS: airplane, Allah-u-Akbar, anything, approved, beauty, [cheating], chilling, [classroom], come, [come], Commie, contacts, cordial, count, couple, dawned, discovery, disrespect, dozens, [driver], eight, emergency, evidence, exponentially, [extricate], [eyes], forever, freeze, funds, gimme, [gloating], grand, greedy, [gun], jack, [kicking], knock, loss, mom, my, mystics, newbie, [nonsense], opportunity, one, our, playing, poop, professor, prospects, publisher, purse, red, Richard, risk, save, sir, [spam-blocking], stories, string, suspense, ten-year-old, treated, turned, twenty, wallet, welcomed, yo

 

XXVII
Corona Borealis
"N crown"

—Just wait!