"Atta girl!" [To a guy making a presentation in a prep school classroom, from the school bully]

—If it wasn't for him, I'd probably be a little toady in the gothic horrors of goody-goodiners.

"What if someone says, 'You're an asshole!' —?"

—That's the way you see it.

"YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE!"

—I don't want any of that fifteen-mile bullshit!

"Honk if you have a small penis!" [From a passing bicyclist]

—That's easy for YOU to say!

"How much more you got to eat?"

—Pretty soon they'll have too many vultures.

"The longer you wait, the more it's going to cost."

—It's a mirage.

"I recognize you are increasingly more beautiful than you are intelligent." (–Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi to female politician Rosy Bindi, October 9, 2009)

—I'm ugly like a fox!

"You get paid to sit there and regurgitate other people's writing instead of doing your own thinking."

—Someday this is going to make me poor.

"Mary, you regurgitate Democratic talking points well."

—Everyone has it just as bad as you.

["I have to leave right now for a ten o'clock meeting."] "Just one more minute!" [You're in your boss's office at five-minutes-to-ten; your girlfriend is outside the office building waiting with packed bags for you both to catch a cab to the airport; and your boss intends to keep you wrapped up in a rambling business strategy conference half an hour – if you let him]

—[Try to look serious...] – Just a finger! – [... because they're the bosses!] ... This stuff is nothing ... I get it! ... Satellite ready! ... Money breeds money ... I do everything right, believe me ... Wheel me off the roof ... Feces unite! ... Huge amount! ... I'll get some strange toilet, something really weird.

"How did you land him? He doesn't look your type at all."

—Did I say you could breathe?

"Have a little respect for your elders, will you?"

—You mean in 8000 BC?

"Don't annoy your mother – She has heart trouble."

—Everyone has trouble with authority figures.

"Do you get AIDS from French kissing?"

—That's what I remember.

"Whatever you say."

—Whatever it is, it's good.

"Where's the bluebird?"

—Mama has a dead chicken she talks to – Oh, yeah! You should really see that.

[Someone distracting you with random fragments from television, or things you once said, or some cartoon character]

—Do it again! ... Do it again! ... That's what I like to hear! ... That's what I like to hear!

"But you do whatever you want with it."

—Don't tell anybody at the FCC!

[A dismissive wave of the hand]

—It means nothing to me.

"Have you ever taken the wrong exit before?" [From a passenger]

—Very frustrating.

"Straight arrow, huh?"

—Sometimes that happens.

"You are so inconsiderate."

—Once in a blue moon.

"Whatever you think."

—Without even knowing it.

"Who trained you?"

—It's another world.

"He's really got you trained, doesn't he?"

—Oh, no, we don't have to do that.

"Mom's got you doing the dishes, huh?"

—You do what you can and that's it.

"In this family, you do what the little missuz says, right?"

—But not for long.

"You've got sawdust all over you."

—Good!

"Are you always this outspoken?"

—That's a very big idea – I like it.

"D'oh!"

—Luckily, I could run and laugh at the same time.

"Fuck you, asshole!" [From a passing bicyclist]

—Heads up!

["Going out?" "No."] "Oh, racial profiling ... Asshole!" [You're through for the day, putting your cab away, and they find that hard to accept]

—It's better to wait – Well, whatever you say, you're wrong.

"Hey, asshole! I'm talking to you, asshole."

—Where's it gonna get you, sweetie?

"Come on, asshole!"

—There is such a thing as power madness.

"Asshole!"

—Just for you, sweetie.

"You shut up, ASSHOLE! Just shut up, ASSHOLE! I don't want to talk to you, ASSHOLE!"

—It doesn't matter ... It's always in the dark ... Have you been there?

"You're incompetent."

—That's very hurtful – You just might be lucky.

"You're an asshole!"

—Mr. Asshole, to you!

"Whatever!" [Truly angry]

—Call it what you like ... Going as far as a dog's asshole for learning ... Seeking learning from a dog's past.

"Hey, asshole!" [Wayward bicyclist]

—No, no ... [Wagging the index finger of your left hand at them] ... Of course he's an asshole, but who isn't?

"Hey asshole! You got to go back there!" [From a wacky pedestrian]

—That's it, sweetie – Were you ever there?

"Oh, boy! – What an asshole."

—And I thought you were the expert.

"REAL SMART, ASSHOLE!" [Redneck Harley-Davidson rider to Mexican tow truck driver blocking the way]

—REAL AXE! ... REAL AXE!

"The same to you, asshole!"

—What's in it for you?

"ASSHOLE!"

—And WORSE!

"That's just your opinion, asshole!"

—It's charmed.

"You're such a doll!"

—I'm not an angel.

"I'm with the clown."

—The kindergarten is somewhere else.

"Whatever."

—Having a nice time is the only safe thing.

"By kissing up to great big assholes like you."

—This is the time to do it, I think.

"Good-bye, asshole. Asshole." [Presuming you were the one who had been impatiently honking the horn]

—You got the wrong guy!

"Thanks – You're an angel."

—That's what makes the world go around.