[Someone talking past you]

—You don't need a mother or father or a government.

"Not up to your standards."

—You know, like a step up.

"How cruel are you allowed to be?"

—And now for something completely different.

"He's obviously an intelligent man cursed with very serious dissociative problems. He certainly writes and thinks like a schizophrenic, or someone with a related disorder, but I'm impressed with his level of detail."

—Do you have lifeboats on your office building?

"So, my class was assigned to look at this website ... http://www.taxi1010.com/ ... It's really funky. Our teacher suspects that the person who writes it is schizophrenic, and for some reason gave us the opportunity to gain extra credit if we did a summary of the site and such. But that's not the point ... Just go to the site and look around ... this guy obviously has something going on ... Odd stuff. Just sharing." [Link from Can't Think of 1, St. Louis, Missouri]

—This is called, School Is Out ... When life starts, you're riding on one horse, and sooner or later another horse enters the ring, and you're riding on two horses: your past & your present ... People have different levels of insight ... I like to understand what's going on.

"I know – I'm being schizophrenic."

—A job for everyone.

"You're making me schizophrenic."

—And so am I!

"We did some psilocybin." [Your wife and some of her buddies, hoping for cool over the edge]

—When the sex goes, the marriage is over.

"GREAT TITS!" [From a car window]

—Why blame it on light?

"Mr. President, you're entitled as the president to your own airplane and your own house, but not to your own facts." (–Mitt Romney, October 3, 2012) :: WildCard-21

—House wine, mmm! ... Filled with the sweet sound of happy people!

"You're using undue familiarity."

—People will not give up being big shots – So cheap, huh? – The only thing that cures mental illness is air and liberty – I think it's great for the kids.

"If someone decides to become a pilot, he cannot be fearful – After returning to the country, we shall deal with this matter." (–Polish president Lech Kaczynski, to a pilot who defied him during a flight prior to the fatal plane crash in Russia on April 10, 2010, who on that earlier occasion diverted the flight to a safer airport, as reported in the Polish newspaper Dziennik)

—It's pretty easy – Let the facts speak for themselves ... We want someone who can hit the ground running!

"If you're going to tell me how to drive, get out of the car."

—The time for that hasn't come.

"And, frankly, anyone who assumes that simply because someone uses humor, satire or irony to address a political situation, they are not serious about that situation, is a fool."

—Grab energy from above yourself and concentrate it in your solar plexus.

"They get you either way."

—They're not rolling in happiness, are they? ... Hidden scars from the depression.

"Go back to your own country!"

—It's my life – It's my life to live.

"He's like most men: rude, lazy, fastidious, and ignorant."

—You just plead ignorance.

"What did they get you for?"

—Magnetism.

"What is it supposed to represent?" [Your painting]

—I'm not going to do anything just because you're supposed to ... The more honest you can be about your darker side, the happier you are ... It may mean something to you ... I'm not a Commie or a fruit ... I have a very wide range ... You know Stravinsky and Picasso were arrested for peeing on the sidewalk in front of the Vatican?

"Today is my Friday."

—Three of the greatest Wednesdays of my life occurred on Tuesday.

«One word for self defending»

—SHAZAM!

«One word for self-defence»

—Really? So?

"Summons for Jury Service, Superior Court of California, County of Alameda ... Failure to respond to this summons will subject you to a fine, a jail term or both. ¶ POSTPONEMENTS: For a postponement, you can call the number listed on the front ...." [Original notification]

—What should I do? ... Plenty of omissions, misdirections, exaggerations, unjustified optimism, lost documents, unclear explanations, grey areas, and tactical ignorance ... Nothing is important.

"Juror ID: 102843020 ¶ Attention Potential Juror: A printing error occurred on the jury summons recently issued to you regarding your upcoming week of service. ¶ On the back of your summons, in the Not Qualified Section, Item B, the instructions stated for this item are incorrect. Also, please disregard the phone number listed as it is not for your court location. ¶ If you are seeking an excuse because you do not have sufficient knowledge of the English language, DO NOT CALL that phone number. Simply check the appropriated box and return the bottom portion of the form in the envelope provided with your original summons. ¶ Thank you, and we apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused you. ¶ THE ORIGINAL SUMMONS IS VALID, AND YOU ARE TO REPORT FOR JURY DUTY AS DIRECTED." [Unsigned, undated follow-up postcard]

—"Wooden men can perhaps be manufactured that will serve the purpose as well ... They have the same sort of worth only as horses and dogs. Yet such as these even are commonly esteemed good citizens." (–Henry David Thoreau, "Civil Disobedience," originally published as "Resistance to Civil Government," 1849.)

"Don't listen to people's insults – You have control of your attitude."

—Shake it off.

"Your ideas are increasingly irrelevant."

—For what I do, it's perfect.

"My God, honey! You have really big tits!" [One woman to another, in the guise of "friendly girl-talk"]

—I hope Chinese don't think it's racist ... A lot of people have told me that ... A troubled sense of immensity ... You're an angel compared to those people ... Part of it's genetics, too ... It could even be generational ... And what are you going to do when the baby starts tap dancing? ... Children are not responsible for their parents ... The painful public silence on the subject ... It's too late, ma! I'm fully formed! ... And who the hell are you? ... Let's call them just one of those things ... Not many people are taught not to hurt yourself ... Costs too much ... How about cutting your thumb off?

"Why are you laughing, Claire?"

—It never stops.

"What are you laughing at?"

—I hope it doesn't have a curse.

"WHAT are you laughing at?" [From a Pit Bull supervisor, who won't let go]

—Unattended children will be given an espresso and a free puppy.

"Go step in front of a cement mixer, okay?"

—Who would want to run around in the street for nothing?

"I've got to keep an eye on my CDs when you're around."

—Dancing with danger ... There's no need for a fire; the smoke is quite enough.

"[I think it's astounding that during an economic crisis, the Obama campaign is] again proving to be the fussiest campaign in American history." (–Nicholle Wallace, a spokeswoman for Mr. McCain)

—Right wing, left wing – tastes the same to me!

"Get a job."

—Don't you dare say I'm good with money! ... Don't you dare say I'm living by my wits! ... Oh, she'll never get to the next level of academic charm ... It's very hard denying the truth.

"Hello, sir, can you get me a black?" [A street person, shadowing you, coming in from the corner of your eye]

—I'm sorry, I can't – I don't want to – What if they find out I'm not crazy?

[Just when you discover people have been lying to you, tricking you onto the wrong train, sideswiping your van, pointing fingers of blame all over the place, making you feel hotheaded, you simply realize]

—Everyone has their own way.

"Gosh – You look awful!"

—It's YOU! – You sneak up.

"I'm so afraid you're about to say something awful."

—Wind blows, Rain falls, Fire burns, Earth nourishes, Light shines.

—I have to check my finances.

"What did Bruce think?"

—He's the quiet, mysterious kind.

—I hope I'm not saying the wrong thing.

"You flunked!"

—Getting stomped!

["Boys make passes at girls who where glasses."] "What about girls who don't wear glasses? – They get lonely, too."

—You're ahead of most people.

"What the senator is saying is that I can't seek to pass legislation that bans partial birth abortion because there are people who don't see that as a moral issue ... Now that is a fruitcake interpretation of the constitution." (–James Dobson, referring to a June 2006 speech by Barack Obama in which abortion isn't even mentioned)

—It's like a melon – You wouldn't buy one if it's all cut up.

"Last year [Senator Obama] spoke about his affinity for Reinhold Niebuhr, and their shared awareness that history is tragic and ironic and every political choice is tainted in some way. ¶ But he has grown accustomed to putting on this sort of saccharine show for the rock concert masses, and in Berlin his act jumped the shark. His words drift far from reality, and not only when talking about the Senate Banking Committee. His Berlin Victory Column treacle would have made Niebuhr sick to his stomach. ¶ Obama has benefited from a week of good images. But substantively, optimism without reality isn't eloquence. It's just Disney." (–David Brooks, "Playing Innocent Abroad," NYT, July 25, 2008)

—Our accountant shredded my homework.

"The plaintive story of Michael's unhappy marriage to a once-wild woman is all but buried under the movie's unsavory portrait of shamefaced middle-aged men drooling over underage nubile flesh." (–Stephen Holden, "The Babysitters," NYT, May 9, 2008)

—This is what I can't figure out – I must have done something wrong – Maybe I played naked hockey.

"Mr. Scott, for his part, shows a borderline creepy fondness for filming [little girls] in bathing suits."

—Don't twist it too much.

"He is a man of splendid capabilities, but utterly corrupt. Like rotten mackerel by moonlight, he shines and stinks." (–John Randolph of Virginia, of Edward Livingston of New York, at the turn of the 18th Century)

—My monster.

"What other culture could have produced someone like Hemingway and not have seen the joke?" (–Gore Vidal)

—There's such a thing as deeper wisdom.

«How to get a girl turned on verbally»

—(Day 1.) Double happiness! ... (Day 2.) Embrace the madness ... (Day 3.) You are the hot dog of my soul ... (Day 4.) On your knees!

"We can't take you anywhere in public."

—What a drag.

"He's unnoticeable." [Speaking about the man she's with]

—Against the background of whatever else there is.

"Where did you get this mermaid?"

—In the middle of a storm.

"There is no reason anyone should like billy he's a little bitch. And a homosexual that NO ONE LIKES." [Scrawled in your textbook by school bullies]

—Is it on this disk?

"Get off! GET .. OFF!" [The playground scooter]

—Okay, boss! Just don't hurt me! ... Much too soon ... There you go ... Your best friend ... Great memories!

["That's a beautiful color on you."] "Thank you ... You won't be seeing it for a while, though, because it needs ironing."

—Which is insane if you want to be warm.

["There are some nice places you can go."] "I'm not going anywhere."

—Get a rocking chair – And then you can rock!

"We could live together twenty years, and at the end not understand a word the other is saying."

—David Juda says, "With me, what you get is what you see, but what you see is never all of me."

["No one is doing any research on deep-sea living."] "Why don't you get to work on it?"

—Off limits.

"Can't you get one bigger?" [Your really big pickup truck]

—Well, you could dream.

["What should I wear?"] "Nothing outlandish."

—All I need is a rose in my hair – Then the dollars will follow that.

"When are you going to get a degree?"

—I guess you never read What Was That? by Al Zeimer.

"Don't get shot!"

—There's a whole history of the world they don't teach in schools.

"The mayor hammered away at him throughout the summer, calling him 'ethically challenged.'"

—Everything's in codes because there's all these stupid rules.

"Oh, he's just getting cranky and tired."

—And I've got the flashing lights to prove it!

"Chill."

—What else can you do?

"Chill out."

—The worse you feel, the better it is, because you'll get over it.

"There's not usually people walking here." [From a bicyclist who just ploughed into a crowd of pedestrians]

—How to pretend you don't have a brain.

"Why did you get a dog that pees in the house?"

—Cats are worse – The whole secret is to not get rugs!

"What does moon fooling do?" [MoonFooling.com]

—Gurdjieff was just teaching people to be artists – This particular artist sends away for a five-dollar book on how to read minds.

"He appears! Did you mentally transport yourself?"

—I said the magic words!

"Excuse me, you're not first!"

—That's like saying, "Hitler never got to heaven."

"This driver isn't first."

—You know, circus clowns can make a lot of money.

"There's a first time for everything."

—I'll put on my circus dress.

"I'm going to use Silverado for the first time tomorrow night."

—Midnight special.

"You were right; I was wrong! – A first time for everything, though."

—Do you sneer at people who ask you what a fellowship is?

"I don't get it."

—If you play music to people, and say nice things, they heal faster.

"If I'm slow enough, you can get it, right?"

—Living by your wits.

"How do you get a girl to sleep with you on the first night?"

—Find one that doesn't count.

"Icarus, don't get angry since the girl has gone with another guy. See I've told you, the girl will never like you."

[See Icarus and the Gutter Snipe]

"Get a brain."

—This is my inheritance from my mother – I know the worst thing to say to someone.

"Get back to work."

—If we can't mess it up, nobody can.

"Get a sense of humor."

—Real dark – It's really subtle.

"Get a hold of yourself, man!"

—You can't get over it until you can feel it.

"Get a good rest."

—Sometimes life is easier than you think.

"You should know about the attitude that goes on." [At your restaurant]

—For a few years I haven't been able to read minds.

"That's what you get for being a woman in a war zone." [Rape]

—I like my daughter but I can't take care of her.

"Your attitude shows a pathological need for attention."

—I can't help what I say, because I'm talking from myself.

"You just need to change your attitude."

—Another handicap.

"If you come in with that attitude, you're going to get nowhere. Nowhere!"

—You can write it on your mirror.

"You need to check your attitude."

—I think it gets hotter as it goes along.

"Is her father Chinese?" [Your child, whom you've decided to protect from the idle inquiries and offensive remarks of strangers]

—Away from the farm! ... What a time to be a child ... It reminds me of things to come ... It's like science fiction.

"No Chinese would ever eat that."

—That'll be the day.

"You all are playing hooky today."

—You can't beat that!

["I am so poor you wouldn't believe it."] "I thought the taxi business was getting better."

—It's what they call the song of nothing.

"What's your best taxi story?"

—I speak drunk very well.

"TAXI!"

—And a few other things.

[Someone bugging you]

—It's been going on for thousands of years.

"I'm a taxi driver."

—The better you are at something, the more you like it.

"Don't touch me! I'm ticklish!"

—Those could be your dying words!

"Will you quit staring at me, please?"

—It's a sin.

"You just don't get it."

—Anything old.

"How do you get someone to leave you alone?"

—I don't have any money – You should give me money.

"How about leaving your sister alone for a change?"

—Just don't tell me you want a tea set.

"Leave me alone!"

—All winter if you want.

"When I see you alone, I see what's in your mind."

—That's not really true but I don't care.

"I don't like either of your attitudes."

—Just have fun and make sense out of everything.

"You guys have a little too much testosterone going on."

—Just like a good mother.

"I'm afraid to ask."

—What do you think it is?

"Why do you ask?"

—You can learn a lot from that – No one said this road would be easy.

—Then there's another stage?

"Just get out of here."

—Take it easy – Don't kick people.

"Just a little bit too much reality for a Friday night."

—It's certainly worth it.

"You're being creative, Richard."

—Window to window.

"Fuck you! Just go away and don't bother me, mother-fucker!"

—I like a quick turnover.

"I really don't like it when you keep using the word, like."

—That's just part of the turnover ... It's like worms on a shovel.

"Last word freak!"

—Beware of blondes with blue eyes and sharp tongues.