Theory of

Taunts, Insults or Attacks

Codewords Inside Aggressive "Tricks"

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The Way Out





Patient refers to it as stargate-one-two

A Cajoler.4






—Knock it off! Maybe my coffin.

—No need. How deep?

—I'm waiting.

—Think ahead! Pretty far.




Unrepresentative Sample — A cursory examination of impertinent data can blind a person to the real state of affairs or to the real issues. Resenting people who lorded over them, they're trying to pull rank on you.





[pulling rank & usurpation] - They're very mean to people in irrational ways - It's like getting nibbled to death by ducks - They think they are far, far superior, questioning your veracity  - No matter what experiences you've had, they try to hurt your feelings, or fill you with fear - People who try to be other than they are, never like people who are what they are.

The Age of Domination, ages 0-3




Exactly what someone said [or did]
... usually not very original.

The thoughts of a "bad child"
... to free your mind again.





—Think ahead! Pretty far.

—Aren't you getting tired of pretending you know what you really are? ... A person can be addicted to the ways his family gave him attention; these ways may have been seductive, warm, mean, angry, jealous ... One-upmanship: That's what many people love to deal in.

"What's the worst thing that's ever happened to you in your life?" [At a job interview]

—Knock it off! Maybe my coffin.

—Well, you went to grammar school.

«Verbal defence for introvert»

—I'm waiting.

—Beyond that.

"You seem a little forgetful, man."

—I'm waiting.

—I've been working on it.

"You have five children with four women you never married." [Sixty Minutes journalist to Clint Eastwood]

—Think ahead! Pretty far.

—By accident! ... I'm not looking for a job ... You're not going to like it ... That's the opinion of those who made the wrong decision.

"Are you coming for someone? Are you picking somebody up?"

—Think ahead! Pretty far.

—We all have to start somewhere.

"The left media and the right media are in a state of open warfare, and the left wants to take the moral high ground by proclaiming that they are practicing unbiased journalism, but that doesn't pass the smell test."

—Think ahead! Pretty far.

—Go to a gym.

"See if you have a life."

—Knock it off! Maybe my coffin.

—See what you've been missing?

"Dear Richard Roe, John Kemeny wrote a book called Man and Computer in 1972 in which he discussed the symbiotic relationship between humans and machines. I hope that is the way we can go. Thanks for your comments. Jim Moor Director AI@50"

—I'm waiting.

—That's very kind of you – You probably have to slam it with a rubber mallet.

"Did you sleep with her?"

—Knock it off! Maybe my coffin.

Ever! ... She's in room 237 ... On the edge of skid row ... Something ... You just have to go real slow at first ... Did you ever hear the radio program, Lights Out? ... You tried once, forget it! ... A big fat no on that one ... Something came up ... It's like the circus – Eventually it will leave town, and I will go back to being nobody ... Very tender ... He's so jealous ... because I thought of something nicer to say ... Walt Disney stole Snow White's mother! ... I don't know anything at all about that ... My hands are cold ... Nothing bad will happen to you if you tell the truth, and nothing bad will happen to you if you lie ... "Torture? Never." (–Israeli High Court Chief Justice Aharon Barak) ... "I just dressed like a hippie to get fucked." (–Frank Zappa) ... This discussion is getting everywhere ... That's all you get ... Many people get together to fight and make each other miserable ... At some point in life you learn that being happy has to do with learning how to be happy ... Buy a nice suit ... Well, I ain't got a witness, and I can't prove it – but that's my story, and I'm sticking to it.

"I would give this site a ten personally if I could ... what I live for on the net ... this is all the way on the edge ... great link ...." [Link from]

—Knock it off! Maybe my coffin.

—One is all you get.

"I am bewildered yet fascinated by this site. Its structure is nearly impenetrable, but the information within is kinda invaluable, so I check back."

—Knock it off! Maybe my coffin.

—File that!

"Get a take and don't suck L4M3R5" [Link from UK bulletin board]

—I'm waiting.

—It's a really good rational outlet for anger.

"Do you think that was appropriate to joke around with a fourteen-year-old girl about?"

—Knock it off! Maybe my coffin.

—Then the next thing you think is, Life has passed me by – Then the next thing you think is, What was that?

"I am having difficulties navigating your site. It's colorful, it's vivid, it speaks to me, but I'm not quite sure how to follow certain ideas/suggestions."

—I'm waiting.

—That's good! You should see things like that. Expand your mind.

"Don't I know your mother?"

—No need. How deep?

—Because your parents are cheap.

"What an enigmatic site. I would brush it off as crazy crud a la timecube, but it does make a little bit of sense if you use your imagination." [Link from]

—Knock it off! Maybe my coffin.

—Don't accept praise, and don't accept criticism – Just do things.

"It's different."

—I'm waiting.

—Smarter in a way.

"I don't know what I did."

—Knock it off! Maybe my coffin.

—You look like a human being to me.

"What? What did you say?" [From a venting police officer]

—Knock it off! Maybe my coffin.

—I know it's against the rules.

"You know they caught the guy who murdered that little six-year-old girl in Colorado?"

—Knock it off! Maybe my coffin.

—There are a lot of things I don't want to get into – I don't want to waste the time on it.

"Do you like Mohammed?"

—I'm waiting.

—I like anyone who's dead ... It's just a business ... It's just a racket ... Mohammed was an illiterate truck driver who had visions ... someone wrote them down ... beautiful poetry ... his descendants chased vermin and carriers of the Black Plague across the lands ... Christians had the unique idea to take care of the sick, ill and injured.

"Do you know Mohammed married a twelve-year-old girl?"

—No need. How deep?

—Mohammed had a lot of wives ... In those days wealthy men took care of a lot of people.

"That's a strange story."

—Knock it off! Maybe my coffin.

—My mother and father didn't like me.

"Did I say that?"

—Knock it off! Maybe my coffin.

—The world will never know.

"I have a story for you."

—I'm waiting.

—I knew this was a new level.

"What did I do this time?"

—Knock it off! Maybe my coffin.

—Just the roses.

"What did I say this time?"

—Knock it off! Maybe my coffin.

—I'm singing in the pain!

"Follow me to certain death."

—I'm waiting.

—I've been reading Great Expectations.

"May you live in interesting times."

—Think ahead! Pretty far.

—Singing while Rome burns.

[Someone not having the courtesy to get off the phone and talk to you after you've done something to help them out a lot]

—Knock it off! Maybe my coffin.

—Don't ever worry about something you can't change.

"You would have gone right through it." [A second inheritance]

—No need. How deep?

—What that is, is, a cheap trick.

"Don't let him even close to your money – He'll go right through it."

—No need. How deep?

—The inexpensive places are pretty good.

"There's a woman going through our garbage outside."

—Knock it off! Maybe my coffin.

—Something for everyone.

"I brought you a present from Brazil!" [Saying so, without actually giving you anything]

—Knock it off! Maybe my coffin.

—I didn't see the whole thing.

"The author does present some challenging facts, but he does not present any alternative theory."

—No need. How deep?

—I don't want to dirty my hands.

"You've shattered my childhood illusions."

—I'm waiting.

—Do you want a knuckle sandwich?

"Do you know any good icebreakers?"

—Knock it off! Maybe my coffin.

—There's big fish and there's little fish.

"How much does a polar bear weigh?"

—I'm waiting.

—I don't know ... but it breaks the ice!

"What happened to your roommate?"

—Knock it off! Maybe my coffin.

—Not in my house.

"Where are your dogs? I read about you in the newspaper. Aren't you the Night Cabbie? Why don't I see you down at the Aquatic Park any more? How was your New Year?"

—Knock it off! Maybe my coffin.

—Anyway, what prompts this question? ... Thank you! ...Who would have guessed? ... Thank you! ... I can't compare ... Thank you! ... Why so many questions? ... Thank you! ... More questions than God.

"What's the story?"

—Knock it off! Maybe my coffin.

—I can't be serious.

"What's your story?"

—I'm waiting.

—I'll wear a T-shirt that says, "I can't be serious."

"What if everybody started using your comebacks?"

—I'm waiting.

—They will.

"Richard's dogs are so well-behaved."

—No need. How deep?

—I knew it was too good to be true.

"You and me, kid!"

—Knock it off! Maybe my coffin.

—Even more trouble for the rednecks.

[Honest way to renege on a party]

—Knock it off! Maybe my coffin.

—I'm taking a real vacation on the day of your gathering ... I'm not going to be there ... My plans aren't final, however, Thank you!

"It's your life."

—Think ahead! Pretty far.

—I hope none of this is going on my permanent record.

"It's your apartment."

—Knock it off! Maybe my coffin.

—Less is more.

"Is that your dog?"

—I'm waiting.

—Can you tell?

"Is that your car?"

—I'm waiting.

—People think, "He may be crazy, but he's making money!"

"In your dreams."

—Think ahead! Pretty far.

—You won't regret it.

"Sweet dreams!"

—I'm waiting.

—What do I get out of being poor?

"I prefer to not bore you with it."

—I'm waiting.


"Can't you wait a few days before you start cracking jokes?"

—No need. How deep?

—For spiritual reasons.

"Your friends are weird."

—I'm waiting.

—It's hard to beat a suicide squad.

"What advice are you going to give your teammates?" [Before the Super Bowl]

—Knock it off! Maybe my coffin.

—Stay focused.

["You came in here the other day in an orange jacket." "That wasn't me."] "You look different."

—I'm waiting.

—And you ask me why I'm happy.

"You said something different yesterday."

—Think ahead! Pretty far.

—1. Yes. 2. No. 3. After Halloween. 4. I was wrong.

"Now you've contradicted yourself three times."

—Knock it off! Maybe my coffin.

—Or someone.

"And you did it again!"

—Knock it off! Maybe my coffin.

—Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.

"Why did you go this way? Why didn't you go around by the ball park?"

—No need. How deep?

—I've been down that road before.

"You keep flip-flopping. You're just making up your story as you go along."

—No need. How deep?

—Sometimes I change my emphasis, but my story is always the same.

"Why did you go this way?"

—Knock it off! Maybe my coffin.

—Don't go around in a circle.

"What did it say?" [Business card]

—I'm waiting.

—Some things that should not be forgotten were lost.

"What did he say?" [Translate Japanese for me]

—Knock it off! Maybe my coffin.

—Very subtle.

"Where did you guys go?"

—Knock it off! Maybe my coffin.

—We could all fit in a space ship – They're big.

"Where did you get this?" [The salmon-rolled cream cheese hors d'oeuvres you made]

—Knock it off! Maybe my coffin.

—There's just no comparison.

"Where did this girl come from?"

—I'm waiting.

—From the stars?

"How did you get to be so pretty?"

—Knock it off! Maybe my coffin.

—It's hard to say.

"You are so beautiful! How did you get so beautiful?"

—Knock it off! Maybe my coffin.

—You take a shower in the moonlight.

"Smiley needs to reconsider her easy answer and give some thought to the real-world complexities of this situation."

—No need. How deep?

—Get someone richer, who will really torture you with their philosophy of life – Oprah, the genius, right?

"I feel duped." [From Oprah Winfrey]

—Knock it off! Maybe my coffin.

—Somehow they've got people convinced being honest – taking shit – is good for you.

"How did this Operating System get to be so complicated?"

—Knock it off! Maybe my coffin.

—That's a whole study in itself, huh?

"God bless you! How could I resist?"

—No need. How deep?

—It's hard for everyone.

"It springs ahead in the spring, and falls back in the fall."

—Think ahead! Pretty far.

—Early is better than later.

"Well, now, see? That's another story."

—I'm waiting.

—Eight things at once.

"What do you mean, he was coming at you?"

—Knock it off! Maybe my coffin.

—He must have been drunk.

"Well, now you've told four different stories."

—I'm waiting.

—Way before that.

"Well, you see, now? That's a different story you're telling now."

—I'm waiting.

—Let's forget it! – I can see you're not serious.

"Is that legal?"

—No need. How deep?

—What's the score?

"Isn't this a conflict of interest?"

—Knock it off! Maybe my coffin.

—Looks like you're ready to go into the Army.

"Isn't it against the law to plant a tree there?"

—Knock it off! Maybe my coffin.

—Why not do something you decide to do?

[Someone going on and on about the prices of things]

—Knock it off! Maybe my coffin.

—That's something to think about.

"I think you should do more art."

—I'm waiting.

—Sooner or later, right?

"Do you ever sell your art?"

—I'm waiting.

—If we can.

"How is your art selling on eBay?"

—I'm waiting.

—It's meaningless to someone of my stature.

"There was an attempt but the graphics could be so much better."

—I'm waiting.

—It's just like music – You have to build up a following.

"You said you don't want Sam sitting at the dumb table."

—Knock it off! Maybe my coffin.

—Nothing to land me in jail.

"Icarus, have you considered asking the girl who I recommended for you the other day?"

—Knock it off! Maybe my coffin.

[See Icarus and the Gutter Snipe]

"Have a nice day." [Sarcastically, having pointed out a nasty detail in the fine print]

—Think ahead! Pretty far.

—You can see why people need lawyers.

"Lying about your age."

—Knock it off! Maybe my coffin.

—Why do you think that is?

"One Day I Will Be As Cool As These People Posted by Brandon @ 2:47 pm Filed under: Web Finds" [Link from The Brandon Abell Experience]

—Think ahead! Pretty far.

—One of those fancy ones.

"Oh, get a life, will you?"

—Think ahead! Pretty far.

—Don't tell!

"How do you sum up your entire life?"

—Knock it off! Maybe my coffin.

—I love Virginia.

"That's life!"

—I'm waiting.

—The more you know, the less you need.

"Think rich."

—No need. How deep?

—Let's call it the good side, and the dark side – Brownies!

"I'm married." [They're lying, and a lie is not a sound foundation for anything real; if they start off lying and you're blind to it, you're in real trouble, because you don't see when you're lying to yourself]

—No need. How deep?

—Hold it up a little higher, and don't pull it out all the way.

"Are you married?"

—I'm waiting.

—Funny that you're interested.


—I'm waiting.

—Like yourself!

"Are we ever going to get married?"

—Knock it off! Maybe my coffin.

—I'm waiting till I can.

"I don't like it when you pluck your eyebrows like that."

—Knock it off! Maybe my coffin.

—I don't want to have to pretend I'm a financial genius.

"I'm never coming back here."

—Think ahead! Pretty far.

—Everything's ready to go.

"Why didn't you turn there? – I would have taken the Broadway tunnel."

—No need. How deep?

—Play wrong!

























Down in San Diego I had the dubious pleasure of sitting near a woman in a movie theater who kept talking back to the actress on the screen, "Oh, get a life, will you?" — as if the movie star could hear her! I heard her, and so did everyone else in the theater.

Insults seem to be propagated unconsciously from one person to another because so few people know antidotes. It's sort of like, "Here's a good insult — Pass it on!" People in corporations are especially adept at propagating fear and intimidation, though it's quite easy to propagate light and understanding in the opposite direction. I wouldn't give mean people any warmth, though. It's sensible to hold severe prejudice against them, and whenever possible, to subtly drive them away. When someone says, "Get a life!" you can simply say,

—Think ahead! Pretty far.

When I started teaching verbal self-defense in San Francisco, I realized certain people didn't know what parts of themselves were worth protecting. It's useful to see yourself as a person who just wants to have fun and who deserves to understand everything that's going on. (Though at your place of employment, always act real serious.)

Then, by meeting an insult half-way, you can raise just enough tension to blend with it and safely brush it aside.


Setup Questions

A setup question seems innocent enough —
It's what comes after that's important.

"Is that legal?" is a setup question
designed to lull or frighten you.

People who ask them have some belief
their parents are important.

Jesus had some belief
that children are important.







As follows

CODE WORDS: art, attempt, behavior, bewildered, colorful, coming, complexities, conflict, contradicted, [courtesy], cracking, day, death, did, different, dreams, duped, fall, fascinated, flip-flopping, forgetful, fourteen-year-old, graphics, «grilling», high ground, icebreakers, illusions, impenetrable, introvert, invaluable, journalism, kid, L4M3R5, law, legal, life, married, may, Mohammed, murdered, navigating, pervert, pluck, polar, prefer, present, [prices], proclaiming, rectifying, [renege], resist, rich, shattered, sitting, spit, story, symbiotic, taken, ten, through, unbiased, vivid, warfare, well-behaved, your



—I'm waiting.