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Patient refers to it as stargate-one-eight

A Curmudgeon.2






Apparently not.

—From old country. Get it?

—All that.

—Can't see.. WHY?




Baiting — Sometimes people use just the wrong words to say something that's true. Whether someone is good or bad has nothing to do with understanding what's really going on. Try to see the other person as someone who started out as a tiny little infant, and who will end up as a dried-up old prune. Say to yourself, "I am a river."





[baiting you, trying to get a rise] - Most people's idea of defending themselves is to call other people names - This is goading & provoking - They start by inflating your balloon with compliments, so later they can shoot it down! - They're not high level enough to be low level - You can defend yourself from Baiting with subtle sarcasm - It's called "dumbing down" - Stop pretending things are good or bad; try to see what they really are.

The Age of Attention, ages 4-7




Exactly what someone said [or did]
... usually not very original.

The thoughts of a "bad child"
... to free your mind again.




"It's highway robbery, man."

—From old country. Get it?

—From old country.

"That's highway robbery you guys are doing."

—All that.

—I'm not getting that much out of it.

"You know what your problem is?"

—From old country. Get it?

—What's wrong with being free? ... They laugh their troubles away! ... Do you know what the Tree of Hope is? ... A stump ... Now it's a stump.

"Fucking faggot!"

Apparently not.

—And look at me!

"I know a professor who worked there [your Alma Mater] – He said all the students were lazy and stupid."

Apparently not.

"You want someone who's nice to the kids ... (If nothing else, it'll keep 'em off the street!)

"I don't know what your problem is."

—Can't see.. WHY?

Alone & as is ... The Eskimo Rules.

"BAD! ... BAD! ... BAD!" [Including vigorous finger wagging, from a wacky pedestrian]

—Can't see.. WHY?

—Blessed are the simple-minded.

[A pedestrian pounding the side of your car]

—From old country. Get it?

—A lot of people must do that.

"Do you think you're a real man now?"

—Can't see.. WHY?

Dead men tell no tales.

"Are you two going to start sucking each other's dicks?"

Apparently not.

Apparently not ... Always the bridesmaid, never the bride.

"What I like is that you're always flying by the seat of your pants."

—Can't see.. WHY?

—Whenever I want to feel small.

"I have a confession to make."

—Can't see.. WHY?

—You don't have to.

"You know, you've been such a nice person explaining that to me, I promise to give you a complete blowjob! I mean it, a total blowjob!"

—Can't see.. WHY?

—What I really want is a beer and sandwich.

"Have you ever been robbed?"

Apparently not.

—Just a maddening mother – Very narcissistic.

"What do you do when someone's sitting in the back seat holding a cocked gun to your head?"

—From old country. Get it?

—Wait until you meet someone better.

"I won't bother you anymore."

—From old country. Get it?

—Not me.

"You were in the Marines?"

Apparently not.

—I was a seagoing bellhop.

["Welcome back to the United States!"] "No problem."

Apparently not.

—Just starting off.

"Sure – Not a problem."

Apparently not.

—You just keep going.

"No problem."

—Can't see.. WHY?

—Every little thing adds up.

"You have a problem with that?"

—From old country. Get it?

—Never have.

"What's your problem?"

—Can't see.. WHY?

—Your future ex-wife! ... As somebody once said ... Delay, deception, and denial.

"I don't want my lawn to grow." [As the wind carries a light spray from your garden hose over onto their property]

Apparently not.

—At least you know what you're not missing.

"Oh, boy!"

—Can't see.. WHY?

—Don't tell me what that means!

"Oh, shit!"

—All that.

—The theater is filled with treacheries.

"Oh, my God!" [A child looks into your not-so-evil soul]

—From old country. Get it?

—It's stranger than you think.

"Oh, for Christ's sake!"

—Can't see.. WHY?

—Nothing's right.

[Oaths and curses]

—All that.

—What are you afraid of?

"Oh, go away!"

—Can't see.. WHY?

—I don't want to hurt your feelings.

"Oh, fine, you're right ... I'm passive-aggressive."

Apparently not.

—The entire thing might be a lie, you know? [They're so tough & mean (to themselves!) they don't even know they're hurting other people]

"She should understand the value of an education and pay her own loans."

—From old country. Get it?

—You should understand the value of a human brain.

"You are being controlling and passive-aggressive."

—From old country. Get it?

—Are you downsizing?

"Get away! – You bother me, kid."

—Can't see.. WHY?

—If this was fairy-tale land, the sky would have fallen already.

"Hello, boys." [Ignoring you, talking to your dogs]

—Can't see.. WHY?

—They're coming to get you!

[Someone leering at your wife or daughter in your presence]

—From old country. Get it?

—You have no idea.

"You know, sometimes I think you're a faggot."

—All that.

—Did a priest get you when you were seven?

"What are you, a faggot?"

Apparently not.

—There aren't many straight arrows in this world.

"There's only one thing that's important, and that's looking at girls' heinies!"

—All that.

—I'm not exactly a bathroom man, either.

"Let's get one thing straight: You live here because I say you can live here."

—Can't see.. WHY?

—Beggars can't be choosers.

"Do you want some candy, little girl?"

—From old country. Get it?

—Just checking out.

"Call some more cabs, asshole! – The lot is empty."

—From old country. Get it?

—I might try it.

"Well, it's more your taste than mine." [Scowling sourly at the cameo brooch you saved up for and bought for your mother when you were fourteen years old]

Apparently not.

—Oh, I have to go to the bathroom – That must be it [Then go to your room]

"What's the matter, you going faggot?"

Apparently not.

—You know, Bambi's cute ... Try to resist.


—All that.

—Drive yourself crazy.

"Hey, you faggot!" [High School students passing in the hall]

—All that.

—No charge.

"YOU! – I'm talking to you!"

—Can't see.. WHY?

—Strong as a bull and twice as smart.

"Are you talking to my girl?"

—From old country. Get it?

—You're a spinning magnet in the coil of passion.

"I'm talking to you, asshole."

—Can't see.. WHY?

—There are so many people now.

[A bully punching you on the shoulder as his posse stands around] "Do you have a problem with that?"

—From old country. Get it?

—It's preposterous.

"Was I talking to you?"

—All that.

—What else is there to say?

"Well, I think it is a problem."

—From old country. Get it?

—I'll bet you do!

"Old man, come here!" [From a bunch of Japanese kids "disposing of society's trash"]

—From old country. Get it?

—Maybe on a really bad day.

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

—From old country. Get it?

—You don't want to sell me death sticks. You want to go home and rethink your life.

"It was the thought that counts."

—Can't see.. WHY?

—Just over the edge.

"They're so gorgeous – They certainly don't look like you." [Your newborn twins]

—Can't see.. WHY?

—Buckets of light.

"I am embarrassed for you and consequently for the family as well."

—Can't see.. WHY?

—Can two spiders share the same web?

"I heard you're after a new girl here. It looks like you don't like the girl I recommended. Anyway, the girl you're after is not quite bad. She never rejected anyone before."

—All that.

[See Icarus and the Gutter Snipe]

"That makes me look bad."

—From old country. Get it?

—You can really get in trouble.

"I feel bad."

—Can't see.. WHY?

—Just eating red meat.

["I'm not a nightmare, am I?"] "Just a bad dream."

—Can't see.. WHY?

—You have to learn how to forget it.

"Not bad."

—All that.

—Something real.

"You're a bad girl."

—Can't see.. WHY?

—I wouldn't say that.

["I love you."] "How embarrassing."

—From old country. Get it?

—Who isn't and so what?

"I hate walking down the street with you – It's so embarrassing."

—From old country. Get it?

—Looking for fudge in all the wrong places.

"Not bad, for a girl!"

Apparently not.

—It's the animal in me.

"I've got to kiss up to the sergeant." [At a Police Department coffee break]

—All that.

—Got any cherry pie? That's the blood from my broken heart.

"It's good to see you did one thing right."

—Can't see.. WHY?

—Don't say anything to anybody.

["Your warning sign is not where anyone would see it."] "That's not my problem."

—From old country. Get it?

—Some things are right and some aren't.

"After twenty-four years, does the sex go bad?"

—From old country. Get it?

—[After a pause] What do you do when someone insults you or tells you you're no good?

"Kansas – That's not a bad place."

Apparently not.

—It's blessed.

"Wow! Your neighbor's house is even nicer than yours."

—Can't see.. WHY?

—That's really living!

"Unfortunately, yesterday one of your partners at Yellow Cab – 2829 – got exasperated with the traffic and was driving very unsafely."

—From old country. Get it?

—We keep him in a cage in the back.

"You're a wage slave."

—Can't see.. WHY?

—I'm in for it.

"Hey! This tastes good for a change."

Apparently not.

—The less you know, the better.


—All that.

—That's normal.

"I don't know where your partner is there – He's probably off having lunch someplace."

—From old country. Get it?

—What about making money?


—From old country. Get it?

—Everyone knows me – Everyone hates me!

"If you had half a brain, you'd be dangerous."

—Can't see.. WHY?

—Resourceful and spontaneous.

"It's kind of dangerous to be driving around in this all day."

—Can't see.. WHY?

—My body is my temple.

"A little dangerous."

—Can't see.. WHY?

—So what do you want to know?

[Finding your wife half under a blanket with someone else]

—From old country. Get it?

—Hey! That's not fair!

"You can't copy me, man!"

—Can't see.. WHY?

—Perfect form.

"What a guy! What a man!"

—Can't see.. WHY?

—I'll let you think about that.

"I came back, man! It's cool! It's cool!"

Apparently not.

—Life is like a boat – It's easy to drown.

"He kicked me out last time I was here!"

Apparently not.

—No reason for it.

"I'm not a dangerous person!"

—From old country. Get it?

—It's a skill.

"Do you think I'd hurt you?"

—All that.

—I had a bad childhood.

"Hey, man, it's all right! I'm cool."

—Can't see.. WHY?

—Once you realize we're all lunatics, you do all right.

"We could stand toe-to-toe like this for hours, the way they did in old vaudeville routines."

—Can't see.. WHY?

—Don't let frenzied sea creatures deter you!

"Girls can do anything."

—Can't see.. WHY?

—The word is perfect.

"I don't go out with boys."

—From old country. Get it?

—They take your life away, don't they?

"I'm sure you'll find plenty of other girls out there, so ...."

Apparently not.

—What a way to go!

"You remind me of Forrest Gump."

—Can't see.. WHY?

—I've arrived.

"See ya', wouldn't wanna be ya'!"

—From old country. Get it?

—So low-class.

"I like you, Tommy. Personally, I think you're a great guy."

—All that.

—I wonder what comes next?























22-MAY-1999. SCHIZOPHRENIA: a condition that results from the coexistence of disparate or antagonistic qualities, identities, or activities. A part of a child's mind sees everything as the same. It loves its mom and dad, sees the food and shelter they provide as indistinguishable from its own life. When a deep part of a person's mind makes contact with that schizo inner child, it can come across as bitchy.

Everybody has a mean streak and it isn't terrible. A part of human intelligence is extremely incisive, able to cut right through things the way incisor teeth slice through flesh. This ability tends to make cows nervous, so they band together in little groups and bray at you. They're trying to make you bite your own tongue.

The surest way to give your mean streak some savvy is to see other people's psyches for what they really are: terribly gashed and wounded hearts trying desperately to hole up and heal. Disturb their wounds with even a rose petal — or a reflection of the truth — and they howl in anguish. Many people spin tall thin cones of pretension out of which they peep with beady eyes.

People with well developed mean streaks tend to value truth: "I speak the truth because I wish people to speak the truth to me, even if it hurts, or sometimes, especially if it hurts." The danger of this understanding is that it's really a rationale for naming things or pinning tags on life forms whose varieties of existence are as vast as Nature. When you encounter a real slimy-toed green tongued wart-eyed monster, you really don't have to mention it. Just light a cigarette and blow smoke in its face. Or beat a hasty retreat. Or shoot it.

Try to encompass your mean streak with an enormous sense of humor, and whenever you can, vivify your incisive perceptions and understanding with action instead of words. Remember, even healthy wolves don't like to be constrained by names. If you tell a friend, "You're the smartest wolf in the forest," he or she might turn on themselves some time in the future when they're not.







As follows

CODE WORDS: bad, bother, boys, cancer, candy, Christ's, cocked, complete, confession, controlling, counts, [curses], dangerous, embarrassed, embarrassing, empty, excellent, faggot, girls, gorgeous, Gump, heinies, hurt, kicked, lawn, [leering], loans, man, Marines, nicer, [oaths], oh, other's, partner, partners, passive-aggressive, [pedestrian], personally, problem, recommended, robbed, robbery, seat, sergeant, slave, talking, taste, tastes, thing, toe-to-toe, [under], vaudeville, wanna, worked, worries


"Lady in chair"

—All that.