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Patient refers to it as stargate-two-nine

A Spoiler.1






—No one wants that.

Where y'at?

—Since when?

—Nothing complicated.




Evolving Solutions — So cool they can't even talk to you directly – They're playing, "Brush Off!" Many people take their feelings more seriously than anything they can see, taste, touch, hear, or smell in outside physical reality.





[bedeviling, the brush off] - "Merely going through a litany of questions is not real talk. Real talk is work. It should establish a connection, letting a person know that you understand them as a human being." (–Edward J. Volpintesta. M.D.) - It all hinges on what you think you are - How can you stay professional and courteous when other people operate outside the barrier? "The dumber the French are, the more noble they think they are, and the more they beat their children." - It's never easy when someone prompts you like that -There are fiendish ways you can use words to let steam out of your pressure cooker! I'm really good at giving bad lessons.

The Age of Attention, ages 4-7




Exactly what someone said [or did]
... usually not very original.

The thoughts of a "bad child"
... to free your mind again.




"I'm a born liar."

—No one wants that.


"A bunch of goddam potheads!" [Pretending that's what you're thinking]

—No one wants that.

—It doesn't matter where you've been, as long as it was deep!

"What up, bitch!"

—Nothing complicated.

—What'd you come out here for? ... What up unto now!

"I'm not a good storyteller." [Self-attack]

—No one wants that.

—You don't have to go through all that shit.

"I'm really awkward." [Self-attack]

Where y'at?

—Of course I live near the edge – The view is better.

"I'm not a good person at all." [Grumpily]

—Since when?

—Oh ye of little faith.

"Yeah, that was a really long text." [Self-attack]

—Nothing complicated.

—The Italians have a great expression: "Don't shit in your own back yard." ... Now you know why.

"So, Adam, what are you up to?"

—Nothing complicated.

—Up to the edge.

"What are you up to?"

Where y'at?

—The further you go down the ladder, the more chicken shit.

"You have sisters! That means you have a girl's personality."

—No one wants that.

—That rubs off.

"I'm up here." [From a woman with unusually noticeable breasts]

—Since when?

Big transition! ... One's a sober one, one's a snappy one! ... You have to see a little more.

"My eyes are up here."

—Since when?

—Maybe that's the real you, and the rest is like canned tuna.

"Hey! Do you enjoy that? Keep it up and see what happens!"

—No one wants that.

—Really bombastic!

"You have borderline personality disorder."

Where y'at?

—You realize your parents are full of shit, and your shrinks are on the other side – I'm going to the 254 Room of the Stork Club!

"Someone embittered you."

—No one wants that.

—Your best defense is to have a good life ... That's what your job is – to make sure no one takes over your life ... You want to give that up.

"Well, I am immune to verbal attack."

—Since when?

—The whole way out is a sense of humor.

"I'm pretty tough."

—Nothing complicated.

—Get ready!

"I'm not sure what you mean, really."

—Nothing complicated.

—True colors.

"You're not coming on this show again because you have absolutely nothing to say except for your talking points."

Where y'at?

—You don't know what I'm doing, do you? ... Just these little moments mean more than anything else, right? ... Sure we are! ... It's hard to resist ... Your aggression's seeping out of you ... Your aggression's leaping out at me! ... "You don't have to match your answers to their questions. If you don't give the right answer to their questions, they asked the wrong questions." (–Mayor Michael R. Bloomberg)

"Fuck off!"

—No one wants that.

—It's cheaper than going out to dinner ... Just be yourself ... You don't seem too unhappy to me ... For gold! ... Maybe times are changing ... Is it the evil little scientist that wants to invent the death ray? ... How do we know what he wants to do? ... How do we know? ... The mystery is not solved ... By accident, right? ... The door has opened to the inner sanctum ... Absolutely fearless ... It's coming out slowly ... Maybe it's your broken heart ... Well, we don't know what it is ... That's how Martians sneeze! ... Fuckoff! Fuckoff! ... Besides that, how did you like the play, Mrs. Lincoln?

"I'm sorry you just ended up with me."

—Nothing complicated.

—The serpent of darkness.

"You have to take it with a grain of salt."

—Nothing complicated.

—I think that's all.

"What business is it of yours where I'm from, ... friend-o?" (–Murderer Anton Chigurh, in No Country for Old Men .. You don't want to be fresh to this kind of person; you just want to get off their radar; go reeal slow.)

—Nothing complicated.

—Take things for what they are ... What difference does it make? ... That coin was here before you got here ... The only difference is you.

"Do you think I'm blind?"

—No one wants that.

—"I think not!" René Descartes said, and disappeared! [He's the one who said, "Cogito, ergo sum." (Latin: "I think, therefore I am.")]

"Oh, I'm easy to blow off – That's okay." [Also see Self-attack]

—No one wants that.

—What Woody Allen movie is that from?

"I'm tired of talking about it."

—Nothing complicated.

—I'm on your side.

"I'm not sure if that's a compliment."

—Nothing complicated.

—You can go by feel.

"You think I'm shallow, huh?"

—No one wants that.

—That's what you think!

["What culture are you from?"] "I'm Japanese." [Many Asians will say, "I'm Japanese," because they're ashamed they grew up in a slum in another country; sometimes you just have to assume the opposite of what they said, without interpreting, using a light touch, with care, reserve, and no undue familiarity; over time, the truth comes out]

Where y'at?

—A little village outside of Hong Kong, right?

"I'm losing all hope right now."

Where y'at?

—That's why they live out in the woods, thirty miles from each other.

"I have nothing more to say, return to your regular masturbation."

—No one wants that.

—I'm not doing anything – I'm giving orders.

"Is your name Dan Druff? – You seem to get into people's hair."

Where y'at?

—All the triumphs of religion are due to germs. (–See William Mcneill's Plagues and Peoples)

"So what did you do on your day off?"

—Nothing complicated.

—I'll have to see it first.

"It must be the Oil of Olay."

—No one wants that.

—I don't think so.

"No, no, no, no, no, no, no — I'm way too fat already."

—No one wants that.

—No one wants that.

"It's a trap." [This website]

—No one wants that.

—The child asks for help.

"Verbal self-defense is one area where a taxi driver can certainly have expertise. Richard Ames Hart has just that, and he can teach you how to defend yourself. That is, if you can follow the flow of his discursive and maddeningly elusive web site." [Link from lampoon of taxi1010 at Alleee and Franc's INSOLITOLOGY]

—Nothing complicated.

—If anyone's mean, get up and walk out!

"The 'sunporch' lists a humongous quantity of insults. The taxi1010 guide is full of very very long lists, so you will more or less relive the nostalgia of playing D&D, minus the excitement."

—No one wants that.

—I know enough to do that.

"I think Hart got that last quote from a review, and is still bitter."

—No one wants that.

—Too many funerals.

"... in light of what we have seen, writing a web site about verbal self-defense when you're still bitter is like going to the supermarket when you're hungry."

Where y'at?

—Next time send flowers!

"She's got a great ass!"

—Nothing complicated.

—Just a little.

["I'm from Dodge City, Kansas."] "We're from Narnia."

—No one wants that.

—It's all artificial ... Look at your nose.

"You're toast!"

—Since when?

—I'm amazed you're not butter.


—No one wants that.

—This is called teasing ... teasing the knot.

"I'm glad I'm not you!" [Someone stealing your graduation present, a bright red fire truck, on the last day of kindergarten]

—Nothing complicated.

—I like purple – I thought you'd sell it by now – I'm a little careless.

"Just kidding!"

—Nothing complicated.

—It just goes to show you.

"I was just kidding!"

—Nothing complicated.

—When you're hot, you're hot!

"Maybe it's because I'm an asshole."

—Since when?

—Teeth and all.

"Hey, Ted! I'm fucking with you!" [From, There's Something About Mary]

—Since when?

—That's a long way to go, isn't it?

"You're kidding! That's not what Jim was telling me."

Where y'at?

—In the real world things can be different.

"April Fool!"

—Nothing complicated.

—It's an old one.

"I've got something for you." [Revealing the finger]

Where y'at?

—I know power words!

"I hate to say this, but when you hit the net, I won the point."

—No one wants that.

—Without which, my life is perfect.

"Good thing I never got organized."

—No one wants that.

—There's no glamor in it.

"Here's your chance to move up, Doc – You can become Italian."

—Since when?

—I'm sure it's true for everyone.

"What's up, man? No business today?"

—No one wants that.

—Really weird, huh?

"What's up?"

Where y'at?

—Big trouble! ... Who's complaining? ... You're a brick! ... Break up, hook up, burn up, lock up, hurry up! Seven-up! ... Overlap it a little ... Cheer up! ... Different things ... You're next up, cutup! ... Holy Cow! ... You're perplexed ... It's a riddle ... I could get it down ... Nothing urgent ... The jig is up! ... Thumb's up! ... A joke! ... Really weird, huh? ... Ugly Poop! ... Nothing deep ... Nothing simple ... Nothing much ... Nothing special ... Just anything! ... Nobody knows ... As it is written, so it shall be done ... How chic ... Nothing fatal ... Think big!

"So, what do you want to be when you grow up?" [To a little boy]

Where y'at?

—A bunny rabbit.

"How about you? – What do you want to be when you grow up?" [To a little girl]

—Nothing complicated.


"Youth is wasted on the young." (–George Bernard Shaw)

Where y'at?

—"The older I get, the greater power I seem to have to help the world; I am like a snowball – the further I am rolled, the more I gain." (–Susan B. Anthony)

"You're like a refreshing child."

—No one wants that.

—You quit too soon.

"You're a refreshing child."

Where y'at?

—This is the difference between girls and boys: Boys' feet never get hot.

"I've had it; I'm leaving!"

Where y'at?

—With the baby?

«What to say when someone says "what's up, smart-ass?"»

—No one wants that.

—The return of the market ... Anyone else?

"What's up, smart-ass?"

—No one wants that.

—Try to be fair.

"You break me up."

Where y'at?

—Don't make me cry.

"I'll pay you to watch me jerk off."

—No one wants that.

—I would seek professional help.

"You're so literal-minded."

—Nothing complicated.

—Don't tell me about a bicycle in the basement of the Alamo.

"Or conceited."

Where y'at?

—You have to admit it.

"I don't want to be conceited anymore."

Where y'at?

—It's just dangerous.


—Nothing complicated.

—You don't want to go there.

"Hey, man, what's up?"

Where y'at?

—Because you're smart.

"So, Charlene, what's up?"

—Nothing complicated.

—The more I work in school, the more they hit me!

"To what do we owe the pleasure of this call?"

Where y'at?

—Let's talk about this or that.

"Why should I make an exception?"

—Nothing complicated.

—There's a lot of things people can't do.

"I'm just a whore, what can I say?"

—No one wants that.

—You can do anything if you love your mother.

["The people from Japan are the nicest people in the world."] "Maybe I'm the exception!"

—Since when?

—You're out to pasture.

"I'm not a people person."

—Since when?

—We'll find out ... We know you killed Christ ... Don't worry about it ... A lot of people had a hand in it.

[Someone trying to speak for you]

—Since when?

—I never thought of that.

"Nothing. I'm just thinking."

—Nothing complicated.

—I think there's just one thing you should be afraid of ... It's really bad.

"I know I'm weird."

—Since when?

—You know what happens when you get three houses? (You get a hotel!)

"Oh! I dropped that. I'm a mess today."

—No one wants that.

—Not that.

"I'm being a pain in the butt, aren't I?" [From a four-year-old]

—No one wants that.

—Are you finished scaring me?

"How come you're so tall?"

—Nothing complicated.

—Do you think this is something new?

"How's the weather up there? [To a tall person]

—No one wants that.

—Someone has to guide you from the ground.

"You're saying I'm not smart?"

—No one wants that.

—Every horse has its stall, every pig has its pen, every bird has its nest, and life knows best what is right.

"I'm going to get you, sucker."

—No one wants that.

—Are you still afraid of monsters?

"Whoever is defending her is just like her." [Palestinian victim of a so-called "honor killing."]

—Since when?

—You should see The Thief of Baghdad: There's a jinni in it and a thief; a little bad boy flies out on a magic carpet and saves the world ... Learn how to say, "You sleep under camels with your mouth open" in Arabic.

"I'm going to kill you and your children." [Continuation of road rage, to a traffic court judge]

—Since when?

—They like to scare people.

"I'm speechless."

—Since when?

—All of a sudden.

"I could see how you could use this in your day-to-day life."

—Nothing complicated.

—That's the whole thing, to get the use of your mind.

"I'm really disappointed by your decisions."

Where y'at?

—It's like an act of treachery.

"Best words to say for breaking up with a girl."

—Nothing complicated.

Je regrette ... I'm sorry ... I'm in love with someone else ... someone from my past ... What you call love is sucking the life out of me ... mosquito.

"You're breaking my heart."

—Since when?

—You and many people.

"You're no Jack Kennedy."

—No one wants that.

—He was ahead of our times.



























Teaching Your Baby To Be Badder


"You shouldn't make fun of people's mothers!" David admonished me sternly after he heard my story.

"Where y'at?" I said.

I don't know. Something gets into me. I was just minding my business in the parking lot over by Bette's Oceanview Diner — actually, I was paying attention to the dogs as they were clambering into the car — when some woman — ("Older than you?" David had asked, to which I had answered, "Definitely a matron.") — called to me from inside her car, "Excuse me! Can I leave the parking lot that way?"

She was indicating an adjoining street filled with heavy construction machinery. I couldn't imagine why she was bothering me. Did she expect me to drop everything and research it out for her?

"—Ask your mother," I growled.

Actually, if you want to see something funny, next time one of those little biddies walks up to you and says, "Excuse me!" as if you should drop everything to puzzle through their street map, just say, "—What happened?" Usually they'll stalk off in a huge huff.

Now here's the other side of the story. Just because I wasn't in the mood to give a complete stranger any time or energy, you may one day find yourself telephoning someone just to chitchat, and after a brief moment hear them abruptly say, "So, what's up? To what do we owe the pleasure of this call?"

"—No one wants that..." you can say,

"—The more I work in school, the more they hit me!"

That ought to get their attention. Then you can say, "—Let's talk about this or that." None of us are angels, and when it comes to how we spend our own time and energy, everyone should have a choice.







As follows

CODE WORDS: April, attached, bitter, breaking, breaking up, conceited, day-to-day, decisions, defamation, disappointed, discursive, embittered, exception, girl's, goddam, got, grain, I'm, immune, Kennedy, kidding, lists, literal-minded, masturbation, Narnia, net, off, oil, people's, personality, pleasure, points, potheads, refreshing, relive, sissy, soggy, [speak], [stealing], suck-up, tall, text, toast, trap, up, whassup, whoever, youth



—Since when?