Theory of

Taunts, Insults or Attacks

Codewords Inside Aggressive "Tricks"

"Wings" to Fly
Back to Yourself


Six Choices

Essays | Art

Street Smarts

Presskit | Publicity



Site Map

Kids' Pages


The Way Out





Patient refers to it as stargate-five-six

A Provocateur.4






What way? Are you rich?

—Brace yourself!

Why are you telling me this?

—No reason.




New Jersey Stoicism — Don't say you're starving! They never tell you their reason for anything. And if there is a reason, they don't want to tell you. They feel worse about money than you do about your childhood. In New Jersey, the last thing you do is admit you feel bad. People need what they have.





[betrayals & noblesse oblige] - Phony team players ("Every man for himself!") use a laconic tone of voice conveying bogus buddy-buddy. No one is consumed by hatred unless they are terribly hurt. They aren't very poetic. They're not interested in understanding. They couldn't care less about what a person is. They're all wrapped up in intellectual constraints.

The Age of Insanity, ages 12-15

Wild Expectations



Exactly what someone said [or did]
... usually not very original.

The thoughts of a "bad child"
... to free your mind again.




[Heckling] "Boo! ... You're not funny ... I loved your movie! ... Take it off! ... I'm really drunk, and you're still not funny ... Stop lying! ... Go home! ... Get a life ... Hiss! ... Don't quit your day job ... Is there a doctor in the house? I see someone dying ... I'd rather be home watching paint dry ... You're a has-been! ... B.O.R.I.N.G. ... When's the comedian coming on? ... My accountant is funnier than you ... Nice blazer! Did your mom buy it for you? ... You're sooo ugly!" (–Alex Williams, "Heckling moves into mainstream," International Herald Tribune, April 11, 2007)

—Brace yourself!

—Heckling has a lot to do with ticket prices ... There's just no way to know ... That's all they do, is lie ... No one needs it! ... They just trade one load of cabbage for another ... They're taught by assholes to be assholes ... A moment in the sun ... In the old days, at least, they had their own voice inside their head ... That's totally down the tubes ... It's just a throwback ... I don't mind that ... They always did that ... I forgot all my drunk, bald jokes ... I've lost so many! ... "In Shakespeare's day, audiences were expected to hurl insults, if not rotting fruit, at the actors onstage" ... a torrent of negativity ... cultural assassins ... lobster scoundrels!" [See also stargate74, narcissism]

[Persistent heckling, disturbances, catcalls, and throwing things]

—Brace yourself!

—There's a lot of rage out there! ... A lot of people get a lot of release from that ... That's what theater's for ... In Italy they throw fruit! ... They throw watermelons at people ... Out of the darkness into the light ... I think I should write a book, How To Lose Customers ... I hate basements! ... Et cetera! ... No violence!

"You have money?" [Taxi driver to Black woman standing on the curb with her child]

—What way? Are you rich?

—Talk to my lawyer.

"That incident calls his candor into serious question." (–Mitt Romney)

—Brace yourself!

—If you were a churchgoer, you would understand.

"Couldn't there be some positive things there? – There's all this negativity."

—What way? Are you rich?

—Okay! Let's do gold!

"Is this because we're being taped?"

—Brace yourself!

—We're not Disney ... No boundaries.

"Do you think I'm the troublemaker?"

—Brace yourself!

—Just wade in.

"Are you two taped together?"

—Brace yourself!

—Life is great when you have lots of boyfriends, isn't it?

"YOU LIE!" [Representative Joe WIlson from South Carolina, heckling the President of the United States during a major address before Congress]

—Brace yourself!

—You're going about it the wrong way. You're not supposed to go up the ladder. You're supposed to go down the ladder ... It's a little tricky.

"Berkeley Tenants Survey 2009 ... (25.) What was the approximate total income for your entire household before taxes in 2008? ... (42.) The first 400 people to return their completed survey will receive a [five dollar] gift card for one of the following Berkeley businesses. (circle the business you prefer) (A.) Peet's Coffee & Tea (B.) Pegasus Books."

Why are you telling me this?

—Even the dog is laughing.

"Department of the Treasury - Internal Revenue Service ... Notice of Levy on Wages, Salary, and Other Income ... Date: 05/28/2009 ... Yellow Cab Cooperative, Inc. ... Total Amount Due $21,942.01 ... Automated Collection System ... Tables for Figuring Amount exempt from Levy on Wages, Salary, and Other Income ... Filing Status: Single ... Pay Period: Monthly ... $779.17 ... Signature of Service Representative: R. M. Owens ... Title: Operations Manager, Collection ... Form 668-W(c)"

Why are you telling me this?

—If rich people spend money, it's sound business ... If poor people spend money, it's a crime ... or hobby! ... My monthly rent is $1200.00 ... Monthly-income-to-be: $779.17 ... Maybe someone will give me a two-dollar tip! ... Once you see workers, you take their side ... "There's an old saying that victory has 100 fathers and defeat is an orphan." (–President John F. Kennedy, 1960) ... When I have money, I just spend it ... I spend it as fast as I get it ... "No Sweat — Just Flunking Stress Tests" (–U.S. Government) ... You have to spend money to make money.

"Department of the Treasury - Internal Revenue Service ... Taxpayer's Copy of Notice of Levy ... Date: 07/04/2008 ... Bank of America NT & SA, Los Angeles CA ... Total Amount Due $21,044.06 .... Although we have told you to pay the amount you owe, it is still not paid. This is your copy of a notice of levy we have sent to collect this unpaid amount. We will send other levies if we do not get enough with this one ... Signature of Service Representative: R. M. Owens ... Title: Operations Manager, Collection ... Form 8519 (Rev. 01-01) 63518R"

Why are you telling me this?

—Bad doesn't describe it ... It just sits there forever ... It's amazing ... The real way to be a crook is to pay your taxes ... I'm not able to ... (All I have in the bank is $2.55)

"Bank of America ... RE: Reference # L071408000811 ... Dear Valued Customer: ACCOUNT # *********6327 ... AMOUNT DEBITTED $2.55 ... We have been served with an IRS Levy in the amount of $21,044.06 naming you as a debtor. In accordance with Internal Revenue Service regulation, we have charged your account(s) in the amount of $2.55 for payment of the IRS Levy. Please note, in addition, we have charged your account a $100.00 nonrefundable processing service charge ... Dave Rojas."

Why are you telling me this?

—Somebody has to pay ... They see you as slaves ... They can just be ditzy ... You don't have to do that ... You just have to have enough money to torture people when you die ... They have no character; they have no real values in life ... They're in a silent movie – a German insane asylum ... The smart thing to do is stay out of the way.

"You've heard of mental depression; this is a mental recession ... We have sort of become a nation of whiners ... You just hear this constant whining, complaining about a loss of competitiveness, America in decline." (–Senator Phil Gramm)

—Brace yourself!

—What would the world be like if morons couldn't make money?

"I have immortalized us in" [Link]

—What way? Are you rich?

—It's an attitude about taking care of yourself.

"If there hasn't been a film made including this yet, I think I've found the get-rich-quick scheme to end all get-rich-quick schemes." [Link]

Why are you telling me this?

—Now, like the Mafia, I'm waiting.

"Can't you get one of your sisters to send you money?"

—Brace yourself!

—Don't worry about it until something happens, that's my advice.

"What is the best way to stay in my own place and not get all swept up in the communal fervor of the group hysteria?"

—What way? Are you rich?

—Reach out and touch someone else.

"You're really in to money!"

—What way? Are you rich?

—There's no rush ... It's not worth discussing ... Make enough money to live on, and don't let anyone cheat you.

"Someday, fink, I'm going to take care of you!"

—No reason.

—You think you know everything, but you don't.

"Give me your lunch money!"

—What way? Are you rich?

—Yeah, okay ... I don't get too much ... What quivers and shakes at the bottom of the ocean? (A nervous wreck!) ... Because we live in the backwaters ... People who realize they'll never better themselves ... We're oily, too!

"So if someone says, 'Give me your lunch money!' what do you say?"

—No reason.

—Closer and closer to the source! ... It was on the news ... That's what you get for having a good mind ... Today's child.

"Do not ignore the enclosed notice! Failure to contact us could result in the Franchise Tax Board attaching your wages, filing a lien against your property, seizing your property or levying your bank accounts."

Why are you telling me this?

—Sometimes you're a lot better off not owning anything.

"Lower the price to four hundred dollars – Then you can get a roommate."

Why are you telling me this?

—And then you're in a coffin in the middle of the room?

[A baby takes one look at you and starts screaming]

—Brace yourself!

—I haven't heard THAT in a long time.

"How long? How long before you make a million?"

Why are you telling me this?

—It's like making a kid kiss the dead people.

"Order to Withhold Personal Income Tax Effective for One Year – Date: 04/18/08 – Tax year(s): 2005, 2004 – Amount Due $1,626.99 – This order to withhold has been issued under authority of Sections 18670, 18671, 18672, and 18674 of the California Revenue and Taxation Code to the addressee shown above to enforce payment of an amount due for California Personal Income Tax. The addressee is required to: 1. Withhold 25% of any payments now due and any payments becoming due to you during the year following receipt of this Order. 2. Continue withholding until 1) the amount due shown above has been withheld, (2) this Order is withdrawn by this department or (3) this Order has been in effect for one year, whichever occurs first."

—Brace yourself!

You've given me too much! ... When I woke up today – Talk about drifting! – half the boat was gone ... Thank God no one was running through the house yelling, "The water has turned to gold!" ... Do whatever you do with your receipts ... Just let things go ... Right, captain? ... I wonder how many people have ripped this ... That's the beginning of modern art ... It's very nice, because I don't have to do anything ... These guys know what they're doing ... They're so rational ... What do you need money for? ... I'm not going to cheat you.

"I think you are making life a lot more difficult than it needs to be."

—Brace yourself!

—Almost never.

"You've got to learn this by now, Matt! It's not that difficult." [Skipper in a sailboat race, and it's a small boat]

—Brace yourself!

—Everybody learns many things.

"So how do you make money off of that?"

—What way? Are you rich?

—Sometimes you spend a lot of money to make a lot of money.

"Do you make any money from it?" [The website]

—What way? Are you rich?

—What do you care? – You're rich!

"How do you make money?"

Why are you telling me this?

—It's the first business that never made any money – since the Church!

"Are you spending very much money?"

—No reason.

—I figured that out.

"When's it gonna make any money?"

Why are you telling me this?

—Don't worry about it.

"Hey, Grandma! I took the tape off."

—Brace yourself!

—We're rich – We don't have to do that.

"How can you be so detached?"

—What way? Are you rich?

—When you move to California, everything looks real.

"That's where the money is."

—What way? Are you rich?

—You're way ahead of me.

"There's a lot of money in that."

Why are you telling me this?

—It's more prestige than money.

"Don't leave your money there." [On the windswept table]

Why are you telling me this?

—Don't pay bills you don't have to pay.

"There's a lot of money in there." [Your recipe]

Why are you telling me this?

—Why should everything have to be easy?

"So sue me."

—No reason.

—I have much more money than I deserve or need.

"Your submitted site has been rejected because of language. The following words were found which rejected this site: (asshole) Remove the words that rejected the site and resubmit it."

—Brace yourself!

—Whatever it changes to, (shit) will come out (If it's an asshole!)

"You are not approved for membership in the club."

—Brace yourself!

—It's a hard thing to be subject to the review of others.

"What would you do if I hit you?" [From a karate instructor]

—Brace yourself!

—Funny what makes you happy – Wouldn't you rather be down at the Black Pussycat Café having a beer or something?

"That means a big earthquake is coming?"

—What way? Are you rich?

—That's what a little eight-year-old girl would like – They go from there.

"Are you trying to set me off kilter?"

—No reason.

—Are your bolts itching?

"The thoughts expressed in your letter appear to be the rantings of an unstable person."

—Brace yourself!

—Are you kidding me?


—Brace yourself!

—How could you tell me that?

[Unintelligible mumbling] "HOW COULD YOU HAVE LIED TO ME ALL THIS TIME?"

—What way? Are you rich?

—It's easy! ... Cats are slinky.

"Don't lie to me!"

—No reason.

—The truth shall make you free.

"Stop the rhetoric – This issue is about smoking."

—Brace yourself!

—Sorry – I couldn't help myself.

"Stop fuckin' breathin' on me."

—Brace yourself!

—I'm surrounded by assassins! [Jimmy Durante voice]

"Move that fucking car!"

Why are you telling me this?

—What a scene, huh?
























It's a Trap of the Devil

Some people say our civilization comprises men and women whose intelligence has reached an evolutionary step into our future, maybe like people from the 28th Century, along with the equivalent of 13th Century Romanian peasants, all living alongside each other. This synthesis of peoples may be similar to times when Neanderthals and Homo Sapiens occupied the same planet, which would not be a problem if everyone was genuinely themselves. The trouble arises when people base their self-esteem on what they know or don't know, or that they're right, special, important, and good (along with the flip side — that they're wrong, peculiar, worthless or bad) — when what we really are is alive. Real self-esteem comes from realizing you're a person who is alive — Anything more you can get creamed over.

In San Francisco, all the taxi drivers get together at the end of the day, exhausted, to brag and compare notes. We count our Paratransit scrip, complete our waybills, and find out how much cash we have left. It isn't much. One day, as we stood in line to settle the daily contract, I noticed a bitter fellow who viciously mocked the dispatchers and drivers, with a shrill voice that wasn't even his. Essentially, he was using friendliness to discover things he could mock.

In time, he approached me. He came on really friendly. Now what he didn't know was that Mom's family comes from Maine, and I went to summer camp up there, starting at the age of seven. Maine people have a way of sending signals and laying traps. So when the fellow with the false voice approached me, I said nothing. Week after week, with varying frequency, he would come up and ask me a question, offer me a solicitous observation, or kiss my ass, and I said nothing.

One day he turned to Boris, a genuinely warm taxi driver from Russia, and shrilly mocked, "This guy never talks to me."

"That's funny," Boris said, smiling my way, "He talks to me all the time."







As follows

CODE WORDS: attaching, automated, [baby], boo, breathin', candor, catcalls, [catcalls], charged, circle, collect, collection, communal, completed, complicated, decline, depression, detached, difficult, [disturbances], earthquake, enclosed, enforce, fervor, filing, fink, get-rich-quick, [heckling], hiss, hit, household, hysteria, immortalized, income, internal, IRS, kilter, lawsuit, levies, levy, levying, lie, lied, lower, membership, million, money, move, negativity, nonrefundable, periwinkles, rantings, recession, rejected, revenue, rhetoric, seizing, service, sexy, sue, swept, tape, taped, [throwing], topic, treasury, troublemaker, whichever, whiners, withdrawn, withheld, withhold, withholding



—Brace yourself!