"Everybody lies."

—A small circle of friends ... The glass key of friendship ... Choose your friends wisely!

"That's flattery."

—Oscar Wilde says, "Lying, the telling of beautiful untrue things, is the proper aim of art."

"You have a supercilious [disdainful, haughty or proud] manner – Has any woman ever said that to you before?"

—One of my best friends is a tree.

"It's empowering."

—Just don't hit me!

"Whether I'm in a bad mood is none of your concern."

—I've always wanted a secret closet.

"For some of us."

—Everyone has to have their own lives or they hate each other.

"A single guy! You're all alone."

—You supply the misery, and I'll supply the money.

"Flattery will get you everywhere."

—When you give someone flowers in an exuberant way, you're making a gesture.

"You probably would have found another pretty girl to dance with."

—People are dangerous when they get happy – I feel exploited!

"I know this is going to sound strange, but people grow unusually attached to me."

—High and dry.

"Maybe she's a computer program."

—That's a good way to get rid of someone.

"Stop blinking!" [From a supervisor, an incorrigible bully]

—The Burnt Toast of Broadway! ... What a ghoul, huh?

"'It's really simple,' Mr. Anderson said in a telephone interview. 'Mea culpa.' He said that he originally had put the Wikipedia material in quotations, but that he and his publisher had not been able to agree on a format for citations. When he took the passages out of quotations, he failed to attribute Wikipedia or rewrite the material in his own words. 'That's my screw-up,' he said." [Apologizing to Motoko Rich, at The New York Times, for copying parts of his forthcoming book, "Free: The Future of a Radical Price," from Wikipedia without attribution]

—All others pay cash.

"There's a metering station up there ... or down there." [Having just written you a thirty dollar parking ticket because you didn't know you had to walk half a block to buy something to put on your dashboard — This is a wonderful opportunity to SCREAM SOMETHING!]

—Did your parents talk out of both sides of their mouth? ... HEY! ... REAL GO-GETTERS! ... Oh! I'm so stupid! I'm so not-with-it! ... Out on a ship they make illegal sex dolls that kill! ... They say the wrong thing to a cop ... You're better off seeing what's going on ... Down the path of total conviction you end up in the pack!

"All right, I feel as if I've learned something today."

—I'll record my farewell speech: "Don't inhale!"

«Comebacks for Verbal Self Defense against people arguing with you»

—Words are one thing, seeing it is another.

«Verbal self defence against mother»

—(1.) I don't know anything about it; (2.) I'd stay away from it; (3.) It's very scary to some people, even thinking about it; (4.) They're always defending their parents and not themselves.

"It's an inexhaustible subject."

—Dreams express wishes and deep wishes that can't be expressed in emotions.

"What's the difference between graffiti and art?"

—You're not supposed to mess around with anyone else's property.

["You can tell a man's from New York, but you can't tell him much."] "I think that would be good for an asshole: 'You can tell a man's an asshole, but you can't tell him much.'"

—Isn't that called working blue?

"Everybody's going to the parade."

—Beats sealing envelopes.

"Why not? It would be interesting." [A plague]

—You can't explain things like that to people until it happens.

"Where would you go to catch a cab?"

—What's ever the hot spot ... Follow cabs that are full; when someone gets out, you get in.

"Did you see the scene after the credits?"

—Someday.

"Why don't you introduce me to this lovely young lady?"

—I told you he was a troublemaker.

"Is it against the law for me to talk to your wife?"

—Don't take candy from strangers!

"Is this the scenic route?"

—Unless you're unlucky.

"I come up here a lot, so I don't need any scenery."

—Back to the future.

"Thanks, Richard! You cost us twenty dollars. Fuck you!"

—Do you feel worse? ... Okay! Let's continue.

"Glad you could be with us today."

—Employee of the Minute!

"What are their names?"

—Animal and dog; Culp and Cosby.

"Do you take cash?"

—It is worthless.

"You see, I know all about this just looking at its name." [Non-escalating Verbal Self-Defense]

—This is definitely the comic book war.

"You're a moron."

—If you say something and someone can prove it's wrong, then you're a criminal.

"You moron!"

—You're slipping.

"You're pretty smart for a moron."

—Just like Larry Bird.

"What are you, a moron?"

—Protect yourself.

"Because of something in your childhood, or the way you were raised, you feel you always have to win, or know what to say."

—You can't do anything if you can't see what you're doing – See clearly.

"You snore."

—For extra pleasure.

"You know, this trip is costing me a fortune." [Parent to child in grocery store]

—That's just living.

"The strawberries grown out here are terrible — They're not nearly as good as the ones from Vienna."

—That's another part of the forest, right?

[Someone viciously condemning a movie they haven't even seen]

—Why are you telling me this?

"I'd tell you, but then he'd have to kill you."

—Life is like money – You can't hold on too tight.

"I don't want to start an argument because I know how easy it is to start an argument with you."

—You try it, then I'll try it.

"This is warm for you guys, huh?"

—I think Bermuda is like this this time of year.

"Warm."

—You've got the right clothes.

"How many times have you been hit by a trolley?"

—Ready, fire, aim!

"Does she know that the school will be all closed because of Christmas vacation and no one will be there?"

—It's hard to imagine, isn't it?

"You know, Americans would find that very strange." [Interrogation of Indian actress on 60 Minutes]

—I don't like the way you treat people.

"Something strange is going on."

—Was that a comment?

"Do you have some idea how strange that sounds?"

—That's a good idea — Hating self-hatred.

"Nice guy ... a little strange."

—People are always trying to scare you.

"I like strange people."

—You've given me many presents.

"Jews teach their children to be smart; Christians teach their children to be good; You're strange, because you escaped from being good."

—You're much better off with people who aren't big shots.

"Well, I'm sure it'll be strange, because it always is ... and that's a good thing!" [your new website, FuBuTuBe.com]

—It's just another way of looking at it.

"Rebeka, don't you know how to knock?"

—I'm going to try it.

"If you can't make it with the big boys, the only alternative is to refocus."

—There are many ways to look for yourself, there are many ways to find yourself, and there's one way to be yourself.

"The ones that drop on the floor you get to keep?"

—A new thrill.

"You're an arrogant little piss."

—When you have to be brave when you're little.

"I'd advise you to mind your manners — You're in the big water now."

—Now I think school is out.

"Maybe you should reconsider."

—The human question mark.

["Is today the twenty-fourth?"] "All day."

—Not right away.

"Is that all the Chinese you know?"

—You better go to a therapist before you crack.

["Keep the change."] "All of it?"

—When you're older, you can have fun, and you can support it.

"Are you doing all right?"

—It's like getting nibbled to death by ducks.

"Are you telepathic?"

—Just from being bad.

"You look tired."

—Very often what people think is true, isn't.

"You look like you gained weight."

—Give me some slack.

"You don't look sick — just tired and bitter."

—It's a bind — People are nice to you, you're dependent — People are mean to you, you're hurt.

"You don't look that tired."

—My star has risen.

"I would do that." [Model a topless bikini]

—How economical; how easy; how pleasant.

"I am so curious yet a little confused, ..."

—Some people are afraid to do anything wrong — It hurts people to be too good.

"... not used to thinking this way but would like to learn more."

—Everyone has a chance to understand everything.

"Would I do that to you?"

—You know what Gurdjieff says about customers who don't want to pay.

"Have you been out sailing recently?"

—I don't want to talk about that right now.

"Are you writing a book?"

—It's a trade secret.

"Fuck you! Are you writing a book?"

—The ins and the outs of the Church.

"Did I get in your book?"

—The subtle way.

"What are you going to call your book?"

—Strike while the iron is hot — Make hay in the sunshine.

"Where did you read that, in a book?"

—A very intelligent person told me that – What difference does it make?

"You're such a worry wart!"

—It's part of the mystique.

"He studies too much! — You're a study wart!"

—I'll look at it later.

"What are the results of your research so far?"

—You have to be yourself and you have to like what you like.

"We consider ourselves to be reasonably intelligent human beings, but not a single one of these supposed 'rehearsed comebacks' makes any sense whatsoever."

—I'm trying to do it a certain way — the simplest way I can — I say the simplest way is one at a time.

"Single is good."

—You can sleep anytime you want.

"Maybe that's why you're single."

—What do we care, right?

"You need to pick that up by the third ring."

—Everything flows.

"Come on, get with the program!"

—At least I have a sense of humor about it.

"You can be replaced."

—They train you to work, shut up, and do what you're supposed to do.

"What was that all about?"

—I can't see five minutes!