"I hope I'm doing as well as you are when I reach your stage."

—The place we like it.

"Tell me what number you'd give yourself, from 1 to 10."

—I'd rather be taken for a wolf than a lamb.

"I think you're a 3."

—I saw that already ... That's just the kind of guy you are.

"Thanks Richard - I think I see your point. I'm hoping to get into some NLP next year."

—It's effortless.

"Hey! Clear the bicycle way!" [Pounding on your cab] :: WildCard-5

—Good luck! ... It's important!

"Hey, geek!"

—So cruel. [See stargate76]

"Anything would help, Sir! – Anything at all."

—I'm sorry about that.

"Geek!"

—I don't care what you say.

"You're not geek?"

—I'm sure a lot of people are complaining.

"In hindsight, would you do anything differently?"

—If there's anything to pinch ... You can't be careful and be fast.

[Someone humming, whistling, crumpling bags, slamming doors, and carrying on while you're concentrating on your work]

—You can't play The Star Spangled Banner without the white keys and the darkies!

"That's something we have in common – Our sisters are our muses."

—You have to stand up to temptations.

"What are your greatest achievements?"

—What about you? ... The traits that correlate most powerfully with success are "attention to detail, persistence, efficiency, analytic thoroughness and the ability to work long hours." (–David Brooks, "In Praise of Dullness," The New York Times, 19-May-2009)

"Boomers Hit Another Milestone Of Self-Absorption: Turning 65 ... They are living longer, working longer and, researchers say, nursing some disappointment about how their lives have turned out. The self-aware, or self-absorbed, feel less self-fulfilled, and thus are racked with self-pity." (–Dan Barry, The New York Times, January 1, 2011)

—Corporations serve their purpose – There are certain people you wouldn't want to see dancing on the street ... Act your age, not your shoe size ... "Say It Loud! I'm Black and I'm Proud!" ... How self-absorbed of us!

"I'm like a snake that's shed its skin."

—If it isn't one thing, it's another.

[Bully in the Hallway]

—There's a reason for it ... Don't go there!

[Someone having psychological issues, trying to provoke you or start something]

—Little ghosts.

"He's a geek!" [Geek - noun - 1. an odd or ridiculous person. 2. a carnival performer whose show consists of bizarre acts, such as biting the head off a live chicken. From Middle Low German, geck, fool.]

—It's not what they say ... They're just egging on your Id, or egging on your Superego. You tell your Id, "You're not going to do that – You're not that stupid." You tell your Superego, "Don't tell me what to do, you stupid asshole!"

[Your head's shoved into a wall locker]

—Real sharp! ... It's bigger than both of us! ... You mistake kindness for weakness ... Just because I'm nice to you doesn't mean I'll let you push me around.

"You're worthless."

—They say a person is as big as what makes them angry ... Hey, if you were Jesus, you'd be shit on two sticks! ... if shit was electricity, you'd be a powerhouse!

"Go hang yourself."

—I'm going postal! ... No, I'm not going to swing from a tree painted blue too much, and I'm not going to be a slave working for someone else ... I'm just going to do what I'm doing ... Don't tell me what to do – Stop trying to scare me!

"Kids will be kids; boys will be boys; they're just cruel at this age."

—Stay calm and collect ... There's all levels of intelligence and ability ... Breathe in without breathing out when you're around people ... You stop it before it starts (Holding your breath).... It doesn't matter who they are ... Just deal with your Id, and deal with your Superego.

"I feel kind of nervous going to school 'cause ... I like learning, but I have trouble making friends."

—Sometimes to be kind you have to be forceful – not often, and not for nothing ... Do it yesterday! ... Not often, but do it every once in a while.

"They push me, strangle me, take things from me, sit on me."

—That's what they call the liberty of the slum – They'll try anything.

"Hey, fuck you! Do you think I'm going to wait all day for you to take your turn?" [An SUV driver attacking your son, who's just learning how to drive]

—Say, "I do not have a mother. I do not have a father. I am surrounded by assassins!" [Jimmy Durante voice]

"Don't go ahead of me! Wait for me! Wait for me!" [From a furious person in a wheelchair, to the restaurant host, who's slowly leading the way to tables out on the patio]

—Oh, dear!

"Sometimes we need that – You better learn how to deal with people instead of sitting behind a desk!"

—I'm busy! I'm creating The Hulk!

"You're the most helpless person in the world!"

—Slowly.

"Hey, chin up!"

—I ask you!

"I light my face so people can't see my double chin."

—Just because you think something, doesn't mean anyone else thinks it.

"Could we please have at least one of these 'brainiacs' work on something beneficial to humanity? We are being entertained to death." (–Peter Muellner, Washington, 16 March 2010)

—Everyone gets angry ... Outrage in you is the engine .. Feelings are like dents in your fender ... You are the driver ... People think what they feel, what they think, and their hungers are them ... (As an infant, if they feel weak, they eat it – their parents' personality) ... What you are is not what your parents did to you ... What you are born with is you ... Everyone, sooner or later, is faced with a little child in a crib ... That child never grew up ... That's where all the talent is.

"How would you describe that?" [Police officer to two-year-old boy who has just been sodomized at a party, after being repeatedly sandwiched between two adult men, taught how to suckle an erect penis to ejaculation, while being sexualized by hand, and penetrated from behind – "We're going to take him out for the best dinner he's ever had," they would tell my parents – All those people are dead now – Total assholes, including my parents – And to the rest of you, (They wink while they're passing judgment) I love your family values, your buried hostility, your bacchanal parties, your flimsy marriages, your Catholic coat-hanger abortions, your blind people, your patriotism, your sports teams, your churches, your Ivy League colleges, your TV programs, your market economy, your economic slavery, your cubbyholes, your cell phones, your witty sarcasm, your country clubs, your golf courses, your gated communities, and my art, which is eventually going to get around to this, and what's worse, the hushed cover-up that follows: A naked little boy running around at a party, How cute! ... a Scandinavian cherub ... The Sistine Chapel]

—A lot of things I didn't know about.

"THIS IS OUR BUSINESS! NOT YOURS!" [Some thug beating the crap out of his girlfriend, up on a hillside] (An hour later, in real life, to avenge being sprayed with pepper spray, he and a mate will go on a shooting rampage, killing two)

—Maybe it isn't worth it.

"Did you forget anything?"

—It's like flotsam on the surface of the sea.

"You know, you're the one who kept me from inserting a subclavical shunt in your father for two weeks, and now he's dead." [From a vicious, lying physician, as the elevator door closes in your face]

—Very crude.

"A boy named Sue!"

—It's like sticking a stick into me ... Poke's the name, get the point? Is this too hard for you? Am I bo-ring you? Stick around!

"I'll put that in my notebook and never forget it." [Theatrically telling everyone what she's going to do with the sticker I gave her]

—Do your worst!

"There was a video of two really old, infirm men – They were our age."

—You're not going to die here – I don't think.

"How do you know if it's a gangster?"

—The new persuaders ... It's the mental industrial complex.

"How do you know I'm not packing a gun?"

—I don't ... I'm doing something else ... I'd rather just do creative things.

"Are you a doctor?"

—Can I compare thee to a toilet?

"We're a threesome – If you want to be involved, we'd have to ask you."

—Oh, sorry – I have band practice.

"Do you feel bad about yourself?"

—May your time machine not stop in the dark cave.

"Using NLP style tricks to calm down situations."

—With stairways to nowhere ... What will today bring? ... Self-remembering is the beginning of consciousness ... When you're present to yourself, you're conscious.

"It's going to be a shitty day."

—The glamour ... The guy gets to you after a while ... He's a recessive anal compulsion – All he's interested in is dark shit ... You're going to love it.

"Shut your hole!"

—You're not bothering me at all, sweetie pie.

"I know you are, but what am I?"

—No mystery.

"I AM CALM!"

—It's obvious.

"What am I going to do about you?"

—How can you get out?

"Am I mentioned?"

—Whatever you do, don't buy a chain saw.

"What's your average monthly electric bill?"

—(a.) If it doesn't kill you, don't remember it – (b.) Don't remember anything that doesn't kill you! – (c.) Don't remember anything that doesn't mean anything!

"What did you have to eat?" [From a stranger, sitting down next to you]

—I'm sure they know.

"Do you talk to yourself?"

—A tiny little poem ... It's really nice to be rich.

"Because of something in your childhood, or the way you were raised, you feel you always have to win, or know what to say."

—You can't do anything if you can't see what you're doing – See clearly.

"You owe me a kiss."

—A little better ... Don't get your hopes up.

"They never make you feel worthless." [The Brazilians]

—It's really amazing how far people go.

"Is truth an absolute?"

—There's one truth, death and taxes, that's what everyone says ... People set out highlights for other people, because they want big ideas ... What do they mean by truth? ... Your consciousness ... Everything you're aware of and what you're conscious of is your truth ... Truth is beauty, that's the hooker; beauty is truth ... It's very easy to be interested in ideas, especially if you're a Rabbi ... Allah! means breathing, and for some people, that's enough ... On those ships, they had to use it for other things.

"Plant yourself, and your faith will grow."

—The Gnostics believe there's a spark of light inside people, and if they get in touch with it, they see the truth – When you can afford it, be honest.

"Now you're trying to impose your suffering on me!"

—That's a different way to put it – Let's cut palms with knives and become blood brothers!

"Get over yourself."

—You could quote Malcolm X: "The future belongs to those who prepare for it today."

"Do you think everyone's as pure as you?"

—Down by the old mill ..., across the burning ..., my ....

"Was that cynical laughter, Richard?"

—Buried in the Bastille for two hundred years, and now it's coming to light. And you say, don't make so much noise! I'm powdering my nose.

"What are you giggling about?"

—Could you tell in any way?

"We've got Justice Kennedy writing decisions based upon international law, not the Constitution of the United States? That's just outrageous. And not only that, but he said in session that he does his own research on the Internet? That is just incredibly outrageous." (–Congressman Tom DeLay)

—Is this Show and Tell? Werewolf of London (1935) ... That's a good one!

"Constitutional entitlements do not ... spring into existence, as the Court seems to believe, because foreign nations decriminalize conduct. ... The Court's discussion of these foreign views (ignoring, of course, the many countries that have retained criminal prohibitions on sodomy) is therefore meaningless dicta. Dangerous dicta, however, since 'this Court ... should not impose foreign moods, fads, or fashions on Americans.'" [Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia, June 26, 2003, in a dissenting opinion, LAWRENCE v. TEXAS, referring to recent decisions by the European Court of Human Rights]

—You can take those to school for Show and Tell.

"Would it be silly for me to wear a mask on my flight to Hawaii?"

—Sounds like a horror movie.

"Do you think I bug you all the time?"

—Whenever anyone is carrying on like that, there's something under it – Fear of abandonment.

"I wouldn't say it's a bug."

—In the middle of nowhere, where no one's ever looked.

"Sounds like a horror movie."

—Regret nothing, because "Life is short; Nature is hostile; and man is ridiculous." (The Narrow Corner, W. Somerset Maugham, 1932)

"You're here for rock bottom, you absolute horror of a human being."

—You could have a sense of humor about it.

"It doesn't matter – It's meaningless." [Teen-age boy to his father]

—For someone my age – Come on! – I'm a piker.

"You don't speak English?" [After saying something that made no sense at all]

—You don't have enough trouble?

"What? For a minute there I thought you understood me." [Link from The E.\/.il Marketer, March 31, 2002]

—I'll tell you privately sometime.

"Somebody obviously needs the buttcandle." [Link from sensibleerection.com]

—Citizen Tom Paine.

"I don't 'get' some of the bridges, and I'd like to, are there pages of explanation that I have overlooked?"

—It sounds like a rebellion down in the mines.

"The only thing I want you to know is that if my company had won the contract, I'd be YOUR boss."

—I want you to take responsibility for that.

"Well, at least she's got the body for it." [Bare-chested shoulder riding during a midsummer 2010 "Naked Day" heat wave in New York City]

—"SideBoob the Poor. Upskirt the Rich."

"I've been told I have a great body."

—Yours is just as good as anyone else's.

"I think a shark just went by."

—It's good to check.

"You know me! It could have been a piece of cardboard, and I've named it a shark!"

—Just keep in mind you can't fall off the Earth.

"Do you like seeing people just killed by sharks?"

—Psychology is wonderful, don't you think?

"Thanks for your concern." [Sarcastically]

—Simple shepherds of the north, Knifing ministers through the throat.

"Eat shit and die!"

—You can show us where it is, and we'll pass it around.

"Eat up!"

—The more at home people feel, the more delusional they are.

[Someone reading exam aloud]

—There's a trick. [Talk to the proctor ... or get up and move to another part of the examination room]

"I'm going to get a real gun." [One angry third-grade boy to another]

—Maybe it'll change your life.

"Oh, neighborhood watch, huh?" [Just because you're writing a note to yourself]

—I'll mention it to the boys downtown.

"You guys do that yourself? – They don't do it for you?"

—Keep a low profile.

"Good luck with your ex!"

—Pump it up! Last set.

"Isn't your life miserable enough?"

—Well, I'm on a mission.

"Oh, everybody loves me, everybody loves me."

—The opposite of a vampire.

"Misery loves company."

—Nobody minds Winged Victory.

"You don't have a copy of that?" [Incredulously]

—That must be a great feeling.

"Kiss off!"

—All that stuff.

"Kiss my butt!"

—It's grotesque.

"You are way ahead in receiving Dad's generosity."

—I have no bad feeling toward your family.

"Well, this girl is certainly better than the other one. She will not leave you, and she won't control you either. You don't want to be controlled like before, do you?"

[See Icarus and the Gutter Snipe]

"They are a snake moving in the desert; they hold no place in Iraq." [Mohammed Saeed Sahaf - Information minister, April 3, 2003]

—It's because you're not Jewish.

"You know, there's a trash can on either corner." [To a bum who just dropped a candy bar wrapper on the sidewalk]

—You can be in two places at once; you just have to take your time.

"You know, there's a trash can up your ass." [From the bum]

—Gritty.

"You shut up! I'll beat your ass."

—Just like yours, right?

"You have a big ass!"

—Who endured the biggest ass in history?

"It's really none of your business."

—Jesus! – He tied his ass to a tree and walked a mile into town.

"How's business?"

—Sometimes it's hard, sometimes it's easy.

"So, how's the taxi business?"

—It died in a bubble.

"How's the cab business?"

—Don't feel cheated.

"That's my business."

—Secret offshore banking.

"Your mother's and my personal life is none of your concern."

—Well, who am I?

["Where are you from?" "I'm from a country." "Which one?"] "That's of no importance to you."

—It's a great advantage to have friends – It really helps.

"Is this yours?"

—Look at the chart.

"Is it yours?"

—I'm going to get another one.

"Up yours!"

—To be with the rest of your kind.

"Another shitty day in paradise."

—Two steps forward, one step back.

"Don't rub it in."

—Just sneak it in.

"Eat me!"

—I don't want to be the stooge of a fool.

"Once a Jap, always a Jap."

—Some people like their parents.

"That's what you always say."

—That's all I know about it.

"I'm always in the wrong line."

—No wonder you look so happy.

"Do you always read other people's phone messages?"

—The life of Demento.

"Oh, my God! Anyone who sees this is going to think I'm shallow!"

—Get a pitchfork.

"Don't denigrate yourself!"

—It's against my principles.

"What's management think about this?"

—They begged me, "Please be a nice guy!"

"Can you take a ten-inch cock?"

—Why, is there one missing?

"Are you on crack?"

—I hope the words, "Who needs you?" aren't engraved on your tombstone.

"We're bigger and on top – If this were prison, you'd be our bitch."

—Not Sicilians.

"Hey, jerk-off, what do you want?"

—To save money.

"Dumb-ass!"

—That's as cheap as you can get?

"Blow it out your ass."

—I don't want to ruin it for you.

"Go fuck yourself!"

—It's not worth it.

"Why don't you go fuck yourself?"

—Don't sell yourself short.

"You're not supposed to kiss and tell!"

—No wonder they think we're barbarians!

"Don't just ignore the fact that I went out of my way to help you."

—Because I don't want to get in a rut.

"You're not supposed to do that."

—I'm going to let you talk to Andy ... And 'e walks with me; And 'e talks with me; And 'e holds my hand; And he tells me I'm bad.

[A process server outside your door; don't open the door! It's like a Laurel and Hardy movie; you're just patient, and sooner or later they'll leave you alone] "This is Tim Hutton from the Berkeley Heritage ... I'm writing a story about local writers, poets, and artists ... Are you saying there's no one here who's a writer, poet, or artist? Cheeze!" [Berkeley Heritage doesn't exist; sooner or later liars always trip themselves up]

—We're busy ... Nobody's here ... Not that I know of ... We have everything here! ... Most people left ... It's kind of a Church, devoted to the memory ... Most people learned and left ... I'm not saying ... I'm not sure I want it ... Come to your senses! ... We live in the land of rugs ... I'm not telling you, and don't you write it down! ... Oh, come on! ... That's just a hoax.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

—Wide open!

"Okay, DICKIE!"

—I'd be happy, too.

["You must be a Californian." "No, I'm not."] "I am." [Menacingly, from a third party]

—This guy has what you call delivery! ... For no reason at all they're very serious about certain things ... When it's over, it's over!

"Shark!"

—It's hiding under the couch.