Theory of

Taunts, Insults or Attacks

Codewords Inside Aggressive "Tricks"

"Wings" to Fly
Back to Yourself


Six Choices

Essays | Art

Street Smarts

Presskit | Publicity



Site Map

Kids' Pages


The Way Out





Patient refers to it as stargate-eight-one

A Turncoat.1





Ambush! — They're treating you as if you have no significance. Nya! Nya! - There's an assumption in there: You're little, they're big. You're wrong, they're right. You're bad, they're good. Give it right back, whatever they throw at you.





[sarcasm & insidious provocation] - Sarcasm is Anger's ugly cousin, Hate is the bride of Jealousy, and I only have so much energy - You're just as rich as them, if not better. You're just as smart as them, if not better. You're just as important as them, if not better - They're trying to put you in a bad place - A lot of people are like that - Pounding you with confounding questions & specious pronouncements, they just want someone who's worse off than they are.

The Age of Significance, ages 20-23




Exactly what someone said [or did]
... usually not very original.

The thoughts of a "bad child"
... to free your mind again.





—You try. Whose fault is that?

—It can appear that people who realize they are worthwhile seem to know a trick ... If you don't feel like you're worth anything, then everything outside you is worth something (e.g., money).

"Look up the word, 'sarcasm,' then try to use it ten times throughout the day."

—Enough about me.

—It's just expressions of hatred.

"Are you done eating?" [From the beggar you gave a few dollars to on the way into the restaurant, intercepting you the way out]

—You try. Whose fault is that?

—It's not the theater.

"What's the worst place you've ever lived?"

—You try. Whose fault is that?

—Always live near a university or college ... They have libraries, book stores, cafés and restaurants ... The Connecticut River Valley is pretty nice.

"Hey, what's up, man?" [Menacingly, from a sleeping dog you happened to wake up. The sarcasm involved in this is a subtext in their vicious intonation. They're afraid to be direct and simply say, "I'm going to kill you!"]

—Enough about me.

—Anything missing?

"You were wrong!" [Untroubled by reality, they refer to random events from the past]

Nothing at all.

—And other people, too.

"You are in big trouble, young man!"

Nothing at all.

—Who can you hate now?

"What way are we going?" [Suddenly coming awake in the back seat of the taxi]

—No rush. Let's go by intuition.

—Half of it dropped in the toilet.

"All the other cabs take Eddy Street to 5th Street."

—You try. Whose fault is that?

—I hope not.

"If you were ...." :: WildCard-3

—Enough about me.

—Steady, hard work ... Only natural! ... The alliance.

"I'm supposed to meet someone at the corner of Pine and Montgomery – then we'll wait and the fare will go higher, because it's all about you."

—No rush. Let's go by intuition.

—Among others ... Are you jealous? ... I'm more Jewish than you are! ... Good luck is where hard work meets opportunity.

"Round up, deuce up!" [Someone copying you]

—No rush. Let's go by intuition.

—Not that I'm saying they're any good.

"Are you not going [to the party] because Jack is not going?"

—You try. Whose fault is that?

—Throttled chickens in the social milieu ... Tell 'em to get softer floors ... I'm not going to buy that ticLet! ... I'm not going to get on that train! ... I don't want to get mobbed.

"Richard, what's going on, man?"

—No rush. Let's go by intuition.

—I'm not in with the swim.

"Hey, 1985 Madonna, are you gonna get the person who did that? ..." [Abusive dialog from]

—Enough about me.

—I don't know ... Why are you asking me? ... You don't have me mixed up with your mother, do you?

"... spilled 80s all over you."

Nothing at all.

—You can't see me, you can't feel me.

"I know I'd be pissed if I looked like an extra from Desperately Seeking Susan."

—Enough about me.

—I hate you, therefore I bare my breasts in hopes that the neighbors will see.

"You poor soul."

—Enough about me.

—I'll cry tomorrow.

"You don't sound very convincing."

—You try. Whose fault is that?

—I know I'm a pain in the ass, but I'm a little helpful.

"Hey, sweetheart!"

—You try. Whose fault is that?

—You don't do that, do you?

"Was that aimed at me?"

—Enough about me.

—Next week it's the whole world.

"Hey, how's that fat girl you went out with?"

—You try. Whose fault is that?

—When a parent likes a kid, everyone likes them.

"Hey, skinny!"

Nothing at all.

—They're kicking sand in our faces!

"What's funny?"

—No rush. Let's go by intuition.

—I was numb all over and the Yale prom was cancelled ... I'm not blue blood; I'm bluish.

"Are you?"

—No rush. Let's go by intuition.

Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

"Are you picking someone up or are you available?"

—No rush. Let's go by intuition.

—This is another level ... Ready to go!

"You look like a deer caught in the headlights, right? – Shit!"

—Enough about me.

—Not for people ... I'm not killing time, I'm doing time.

"That jacLet you're wearing – It takes a unique kind of girl to pull that off."

—Enough about me.

—The more life is an illusion, the better it is.

"No victory mosque at Ground Zero!"

Nothing at all.

—Thank you! I'll have a little more Jesus on my toast.

"Why don't you let me read for you? – You have a very old soul." [From a fortune teller]

—Enough about me.

—As long as you accept them telling you you're good, then you have to wait for them to tell you you're bad.

"She should learn to ignore stuff." [Counselor to mother of eleven-year-old girl, who had been bullied at summer camp by other children]

—You try. Whose fault is that?

Okay, Hitler! ... Jesus couldn't care less ... They don't want to give that up.

"That's not convincing."

—Enough about me.

—It's a poor person's idea of what a smart person's like.

"You're studying English literature? – Isn't that useless?"

—Enough about me.

—You're turning your back on people ... They're all different ... You just have to look ... Believe me, you'll find out ... Here, you steer! ... You have to have something for yourself ... Cultivate, nourish and use what you have, and it will become more.

"You can't look back – It doesn't do much good."

—Enough about me.

—Have faith.

"Hey, what's going on, man?" [Stranger challenging you]

—No rush. Let's go by intuition.

—Let me see the other hand! ... unless you're a clipper or a thief.

"HEY! WHAT'S THIS?" [Angrily]

—No rush. Let's go by intuition.

—Well, what about you?

"Are you calling me stupid?"

—Enough about me.

—It's not what track you're on, it's the engine! ... If you don't like my apple, don't shake my tree ... You're barking up the wrong tree!

"Were you trying to make me feel stupid?"

—Enough about me.

—Get way away from it.

"Hey, Baby!"

—Enough about me.

—What a rascal! ... What a scoundrel! ... Signing off! ... What a guy, huh? ... This guy's got it, doesn't he? ... The business elite ... Don't hit me! ... Okay, send it back! ... These guys are sharpies, let me tell you, you don't want to talk to any of these people, they're bad! ... "Torches of freedom!"... Maybe they will ... It's like a poison hamburger; Wimpy used to eat them all the time ... He's got a million of 'em ... You have no idea how bad they are ... Eat it up, schmuck!

"How are you feeling today?"

—No rush. Let's go by intuition.

—I should say so.

"Hey, prune face!"

—Enough about me.

—Things I've never heard ... Very weird.

"Hey, Mr. Self-defense Guy!"

—Enough about me.

—They want to live in the woods with no one to bother them ... Very bland.

"Hey! You owe me an apology."

—Enough about me.

—I'm sorry ... that you feel that way.

[Tattletale not seeing you're performing a service (such as returning a lost cell phone) for someone else ... who isn't defending you! The one you're helping out should be saying, "You fool! Can't you see he's doing this for me?" Both the one who's attacking you and the one who isn't defending you are total idiots, and you're caught inside an idiot sandwich!]

—No rush. Let's go by intuition.

—What does an agent get, three percent or six percent?

"Were we rude?"

—Enough about me.

—Dogs don't care.

"What's the problem?"

—Enough about me.

—I've seen it all before – They get smaller and smaller, right? – A lot of detail – The worst is over, don't you think?

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

—Enough about me.

—The future influences the present ... How about selling money?

"Here we are again."

Nothing at all.

—Oh! Delightful!

"If you got up and moved your fat hips, my wife could sit down."

Nothing at all.

—There you go, a modern woman ... I have a shaver just for her ... He's just trying to get by on charm ... When I'm dead, you can sit in this chair.

"Are you fat enough?"

Nothing at all.

—Very few people are smart enough to be proud of where they come from.

"Even though she is a little fat, she has a nice shape." [A vicious aside to a friend]

Nothing at all.

—Notice they come here less and less.

"What are you afraid of?"

—Enough about me.

—Love hurts.


—Enough about me.

—People can't take in too much at a time.

"Back for more, huh?"

Nothing at all.

—Macho, macho, macho, Mickey Mouse!

"Are you blind or something? You missed the turn!"

—Enough about me.

—There's options.

"Are you driving the van?"

—Enough about me.

—Every time you see him he's in a different overcoat.

"Do you like your SUV?"

—Enough about me.

—Whatever you have has to be good, believe it or not.

"Do you know where CellOne is?"

—Enough about me.

—The one with Technicolor and music?

"Are you responsible for this?"

—No rush. Let's go by intuition.

—The master knows how to improve these situations ... Of course I do ... What do you think, I'm stupid?

"Are you finding everything okay?"

—No rush. Let's go by intuition.

—Anything you don't want ... Three Christmas ornaments ... I'll find something.

"Are you finding everything all right?"

—No rush. Let's go by intuition.

—In the ice or on a barge?

"Are you leaving that girl alone?"

—Enough about me.

—For starters ... Go down to Florida and cry ... You know, they love electromagnetism ... Ageless ... In India, everyone accepts everything ... Some people can do it and some people can't ... No, you can't fit two gallons in a thimble, no matter how fast you pour ... You'll be surprised ... That's what usually happens ... That doesn't matter ... Go kill yourself! ... Choke on your rosary ... When the moment comes to do the right thing, I let those moments fly right by ... I'm an artist, not a criminal!

"What's come over you?"

—No rush. Let's go by intuition.

—The Upsons! ... The Ups and Downs! ... What do you care? ... It's nice to have it floating out in the air ... Never hide.

"Is your offer still good?"

—No rush. Let's go by intuition.

—So that doesn't happen all the time.

"Were you playing with yourself during the performance?"

—Enough about me.

—Mark me down as skeptical ... Even the experts agree, a girl needs closure.

"Hey, I'm not through talking to you!"

—No rush. Let's go by intuition.

—Signing off verbally!

"What's wrong?"

—No rush. Let's go by intuition.

—Ridiculous! ... Did you hear that? Ridiculous ... I wouldn't say I have anything that really bothers me.

"WHY ARE YOU MESSING WITH MY HUSBAND?" [Screamed at a pretty woman crossing the street]

—Enough about me.

—I don't need that.

"There's no view at the Red Caboose – The Riverview restaurant is out on a pier."

—You try. Whose fault is that?

—So there you go, and here are you.

"You are so bad! Bad, bad, bad, bad."

—Enough about me.

—There are two kinds of people: people who sit around in chairs, and people who dance!

"Who are you?"

—No rush. Let's go by intuition.

—The ultimate.

"Maybe your roommate can help you get it published."

—Enough about me.

—If you don't underestimate me, I won't underestimate you.

"The Dartmouth game meant nothing to us – Our big game was with Princeton."

—Enough about me.

—Good! What's wrong with that?

"Are you laughing at me?"

—Enough about me.

—Actually myself.

"Well, you were his sweetheart."

—Enough about me.

—Not my anus!

"What are you implying?"

—You try. Whose fault is that?

—That doesn't mean anything.

"Young man, were you getting fresh with me?"

—Enough about me.

—I don't go for that stuff.

"This is a great idea – You could get someone who really knows pop culture to write it."

—Enough about me.

—Bob Dylan.

"Your cousins better learn how to start acting like millionaires."

Nothing at all.

—I hate those big bathtubs.

"You better go to college and get a good job or marry rich because you will never be lucky enough to have a trust account and rich family like your mother."

Nothing at all.

—You can only find your dignity where you lost it.

"Hello, Steve, how's the hotshot investor these days?"

—Enough about me.

—It's just money.

"We want someone who can hit the ground running."

—Enough about me.

—You don't need qualifications in Silicon Valley – You just have to be able to work!

"I can't believe how stupid you are."

—Enough about me.

—Everybody is good at something, and sooner or later, it comes out.

"Are her parents dead? – Are her parents dead?" [Your adopted Chinese child]

—Enough about me.

—Hey! You're a beautiful human being ... Get into love! ... That doesn't sound right ... What about the Pope? ... You and the Pope ... Let her get back to reality ... These midnight messages are spoiling her.

"Do I look like a menacing guy?"

—Enough about me.

—I have news for you – I've never looked at you – I've just looked at zebras – I'm from another planet.

"Do I look like a hooker?"

—Enough about me.

—Very proper.

"She's been sexed." [Sexually awakened]

—No rush. Let's go by intuition.

—She's going to end badly.

"Do you think I act Calvinist?"

—You try. Whose fault is that?

—As long as you're a living creature, you have to accept life as a given.

"Certain people – You know who you are – ...."

Nothing at all.

—The lowlifes of art go there.

"I don't want you back anyhow." [Donald Duck voice]

—Enough about me.

—My God! I thought I had it bad.

"Ooo – Nicely coordinated outfit." [Sarcastically]

—Enough about me.

—What a life of pain you lead.

"You do well when you dress in the dark."

—You try. Whose fault is that?

—That's good to know – I think I'll fall down.

"Appetites aren't as big as your noses, huh?"

—No rush. Let's go by intuition.

—If my dog had a face like yours, I'd shave its ass and walk it backwards.

"Do you have your cab already?"

—Enough about me.

—Nobody cares.

"Hey, you made everybody go away!"

—Enough about me.

—It is mystifying.


—No rush. Let's go by intuition.

—You'll get over it.

"Hey, Richard!"

—No rush. Let's go by intuition.

—You're being abusive making me wait.

"Do you want to watch TV tonight?"

—No rush. Let's go by intuition.

—Reschedule me! – I can't wait more than half an hour.

"I just want to pull it over and watch it while I work on the computer."

—No rush. Let's go by intuition.

—It comes back.

"What's this?"

Nothing at all.

—Good things come to those who wait.

"What's up, buddy?"

—Enough about me.

—Nothing deep.

"What's wrong with that?"

—Enough about me.

—You tell me.

"I don't see what's so great about your owning an Armani suit."

—Enough about me.

—They know what they're doing.

"What's wrong with Sacramento Street?"

—Enough about me.

—It's too bright! It's shining in my eyes.

"Excuse me – Are you talking to me?"

—You try. Whose fault is that?

—That's what most people do – They're just like girls with dolls ... or little boys with machine guns.

"Are you making fun of me?"

—No rush. Let's go by intuition.

—I don't know where to begin.

"What's that going to do to you?"

—Enough about me.

—We have options.

["Did you see The Evolutionary Throwback?"] "Those are the things I do."

—You try. Whose fault is that?

—It's a lot different than you think.

["We have seventeen websites."] "Kind of compulsive."

—Enough about me.


"Are you obsessive?"

—No rush. Let's go by intuition.

—This is the sign of a good writer – someone who takes pains.

"What's in it for me?"

—No rush. Let's go by intuition.

—A three-dimensional granite block that says, "Business is lousy."

"What's the catch?"

—No rush. Let's go by intuition.

—Wealth is not just about accumulation; wealth is determined by how much you give.

"What's it like to be gay?"

—You try. Whose fault is that?

—I'm not gay – I'm morose.

[Someone disparaging gays when you're gay]

—No rush. Let's go by intuition.

—Don't fuck with my culture – No one should ever aggravate me.

"Your web site is verbal diarrhea. Search engines catch this shit and spew computer screens all over the world. Please delete."

—No rush. Let's go by intuition.

—Well, I'm a sadomasochistic polymorphous perverse necrophiliac. I like to fuck dead senior citizens in the ear.

"And I'm not going to let you inject me with the plague, either."

—No rush. Let's go by intuition.

—We've got a baby here.

"Don't you dare compare me to that pip-squeak."

—No rush. Let's go by intuition.

—No one's big; no one's small.

"Don't have a cow!"

—You try. Whose fault is that?

—Who would?

"Did anyone ask you not to bring your dog back in here?"

—Enough about me.

—They go everywhere.

"Next time you decide to smoke a cigarette, you should consider standing over there." [Pointing to another part of the open outdoor patio]

—Enough about me.

—If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun.

"But I have asthma, and I can still smell your smoke."

—Enough about me.

—That's all it's good for.

"Are you sure? I'm afraid you can never get the girl."

—No rush. Let's go by intuition.

[See Icarus and the Gutter Snipe]

"You are so full of shit, Maxine!"

—No rush. Let's go by intuition.

—What happens when a man goes through his own portal?

"Are you talking to me?"

—Enough about me.

—No big surprises.

"What are friends for?" [Sarcastically]

—Enough about me.

—I didn't get anything.

"You had an idea once, but it died of loneliness."

—You try. Whose fault is that?

—Donuts are getting sophisticated.

"I put a lot of time into trying to figure out your web site and learn something but I find it more confusing than helpful. It is very incoherent and you could probably use some professional web site help as well as with the writing. That is, if you actually wish to be helpful to people." [While it's true she spent an hour at, she never actually read the home page; I never know what to do when people walk right into the middle of things and start complaining, pretending I have all kinds of money. It kind of hurts my feelings. Actually, it hurts my feelings a lot. –Richard. Hmm. Maybe I could get an office as big as a pirate ship! –R.]

—You try. Whose fault is that?

—What's going on? What did I do? I must be no good. No matter what I do, it isn't good enough. Why didn't my parents try to get me to feel worthwhile ... on my own? If they liked me, they would say I did something well.

"What are the rules for Moxie's Disease?"

—Enough about me.

—Just do the best you can.

"Are you trying to start a fight?"

—You try. Whose fault is that?

—When you come from a big family, everything cuts.

"What are you doing in this neck of the woods?"

—Enough about me.

—Do you feel twice blessed?

"How are you guys doing?"

—No rush. Let's go by intuition.

—Times haven't changed.

"Now it's eighty-seven!"

—No rush. Let's go by intuition.

—Kids now! – Forget it!























02-APR-1999. Today is Good Friday, and when I brought taxi 1010 through the gas line at the end of my shift, a tall lanky fellow sauntered by my open window and said, "How are you guys doing?"

That goes way back. I remember a waitress down in Neptune Beach, Florida, who approached our table while my youngest sister and her daughters were settling into the news that Mom was dying of Cancer. So the waitress, healthy as hell, saunters up and says, "How are you guys doing?"

Or back in the 'sixties, elevated by the Best Drugs, and the Best Liberal Arts Education money could buy, a question like that sort of made sense. There'd be syringes and geek books open to one page or another lying around. Someone would saunter through the room and say, "How are you guys doing?" It actually made sense.

I don't want to go on and on about this. When someone is about to rob you, they'd be foolish to waste their time unless you have some money. They sort of phony themselves up, pretending to be normal, and from the back seat of the cab say, "How are you guys doing?" That should ring bells — People don't usually pretend they're normal.

As you can imagine, when the lanky fellow sauntered by my open window back here at the gas line, Good Friday and all, asking, "How are you guys doing?" I sort of wondered what he was up to. "Are you the night driver?" I finally asked.

It turns out that's exactly who he was, offering to drive me around to my car after taxi 1010 went through the line. "Nah! Let's just switch when I pull up to the pump," I said, and once there, as I was tipping the Mexican mechanic for taking such good care of my cab, the night driver, looking directly over my shoulder, cried out, "Now it's eighty-seven!"

I had to actually turn around and look at the posted sign to realize what the hell he was talking about.

Turning back, I just said, —No rush. Let's go by intuition.







As follows

CODE WORDS: account, adhere, aimed, already, also, apology, applied, are, [aside], asthma, back, Calvinist, CellOne, certain, changes, chat, Cheerios, coconut, college, compare, compulsive, consider, convincing, coordinated, cousins, cow, «creepiness», culture, dark, deer, delete, desperately, deuce, [disparaging], Eddy, eighty-seven, fare, [gestures], headlights, hey, higher, hips, hooker, hotshot, incoherent, jacLet, loneliness, Madonna, meant, menacing, mental, millionaires, mosque, noses, offer, pier, plague, published, pull, reimagining, running, [sandwich], sarcasm, seeking, sexed, shape, soul, spilled, stuff, [stuttering], Susan, SUV, [tattletale], [tittle-tattle], tonight, unique, useless, van, victory, were, what's, zero


Triangulum Australe
"S Triangle"

—No rush. Let's go by intuition.