«creepiness»

—It can appear that people who realize they are worthwhile seem to know a trick ... If you don't feel like you're worth anything, then everything outside you is worth something (e.g., money).

"Look up the word, 'sarcasm,' then try to use it ten times throughout the day."

—It's just expressions of hatred.

"Are you done eating?" [From the beggar you gave a few dollars to on the way into the restaurant, intercepting you the way out]

—It's not the theater.

"What's the worst place you've ever lived?"

—Always live near a university or college ... They have libraries, book stores, cafés and restaurants ... The Connecticut River Valley is pretty nice.

"Hey, what's up, man?" [Menacingly, from a sleeping dog you happened to wake up. The sarcasm involved in this is a subtext in their vicious intonation. They're afraid to be direct and simply say, "I'm going to kill you!"]

—Anything missing?

"You were wrong!" [Untroubled by reality, they refer to random events from the past]

—And other people, too.

"You are in big trouble, young man!"

—Who can you hate now?

"What way are we going?" [Suddenly coming awake in the back seat of the taxi]

—Half of it dropped in the toilet.

"All the other cabs take Eddy Street to 5th Street."

—I hope not.

"If you were ...." :: WildCard-3

—Steady, hard work ... Only natural! ... The alliance.

"I'm supposed to meet someone at the corner of Pine and Montgomery – then we'll wait and the fare will go higher, because it's all about you."

—Among others ... Are you jealous? ... I'm more Jewish than you are! ... Good luck is where hard work meets opportunity.

"Round up, deuce up!" [Someone copying you]

—Not that I'm saying they're any good.

"Are you not going [to the party] because Jack is not going?"

—Throttled chickens in the social milieu ... Tell 'em to get softer floors ... I'm not going to buy that ticLet! ... I'm not going to get on that train! ... I don't want to get mobbed.

"Richard, what's going on, man?"

—I'm not in with the swim.

"Hey, 1985 Madonna, are you gonna get the person who did that? ..." [Abusive dialog from TuckerMax.com]

—I don't know ... Why are you asking me? ... You don't have me mixed up with your mother, do you?

"... spilled 80s all over you."

—You can't see me, you can't feel me.

"I know I'd be pissed if I looked like an extra from Desperately Seeking Susan."

—I hate you, therefore I bare my breasts in hopes that the neighbors will see.

"You poor soul."

—I'll cry tomorrow.

"You don't sound very convincing."

—I know I'm a pain in the ass, but I'm a little helpful.

"Hey, sweetheart!"

—You don't do that, do you?

"Was that aimed at me?"

—Next week it's the whole world.

"Hey, how's that fat girl you went out with?"

—When a parent likes a kid, everyone likes them.

"Hey, skinny!"

—They're kicking sand in our faces!

"What's funny?"

—I was numb all over and the Yale prom was cancelled ... I'm not blue blood; I'm bluish.

"Are you?"

—Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

"Are you picking someone up or are you available?"

—This is another level ... Ready to go!

"You look like a deer caught in the headlights, right? – Shit!"

—Not for people ... I'm not killing time, I'm doing time.

"That jacLet you're wearing – It takes a unique kind of girl to pull that off."

—The more life is an illusion, the better it is.

"No victory mosque at Ground Zero!"

—Thank you! I'll have a little more Jesus on my toast.

"Why don't you let me read for you? – You have a very old soul." [From a fortune teller]

—As long as you accept them telling you you're good, then you have to wait for them to tell you you're bad.

"She should learn to ignore stuff." [Counselor to mother of eleven-year-old girl, who had been bullied at summer camp by other children]

—Okay, Hitler! ... Jesus couldn't care less ... They don't want to give that up.

"That's not convincing."

—It's a poor person's idea of what a smart person's like.

"You're studying English literature? – Isn't that useless?"

—You're turning your back on people ... They're all different ... You just have to look ... Believe me, you'll find out ... Here, you steer! ... You have to have something for yourself ... Cultivate, nourish and use what you have, and it will become more.

"You can't look back – It doesn't do much good."

—Have faith.

"Hey, what's going on, man?" [Stranger challenging you]

—Let me see the other hand! ... unless you're a clipper or a thief.

"HEY! WHAT'S THIS?" [Angrily]

—Well, what about you?

"Are you calling me stupid?"

—It's not what track you're on, it's the engine! ... If you don't like my apple, don't shake my tree ... You're barking up the wrong tree!

"Were you trying to make me feel stupid?"

—Get way away from it.

"Hey, Baby!"

—What a rascal! ... What a scoundrel! ... Signing off! ... What a guy, huh? ... This guy's got it, doesn't he? ... The business elite ... Don't hit me! ... Okay, send it back! ... These guys are sharpies, let me tell you, you don't want to talk to any of these people, they're bad! ... "Torches of freedom!"... Maybe they will ... It's like a poison hamburger; Wimpy used to eat them all the time ... He's got a million of 'em ... You have no idea how bad they are ... Eat it up, schmuck!

"How are you feeling today?"

—I should say so.

"Hey, prune face!"

—Things I've never heard ... Very weird.

"Hey, Mr. Self-defense Guy!"

—They want to live in the woods with no one to bother them ... Very bland.

"Hey! You owe me an apology."

—I'm sorry ... that you feel that way.

[Tattletale not seeing you're performing a service (such as returning a lost cell phone) for someone else ... who isn't defending you! The one you're helping out should be saying, "You fool! Can't you see he's doing this for me?" Both the one who's attacking you and the one who isn't defending you are total idiots, and you're caught inside an idiot sandwich!]

—What does an agent get, three percent or six percent?

"Were we rude?"

—Dogs don't care.

"What's the problem?"

—I've seen it all before – They get smaller and smaller, right? – A lot of detail – The worst is over, don't you think?

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

—The future influences the present ... How about selling money?

"Here we are again."

—Oh! Delightful!

"If you got up and moved your fat hips, my wife could sit down."

—There you go, a modern woman ... I have a shaver just for her ... He's just trying to get by on charm ... When I'm dead, you can sit in this chair.

"Are you fat enough?"

—Very few people are smart enough to be proud of where they come from.

"Even though she is a little fat, she has a nice shape." [A vicious aside to a friend]

—Notice they come here less and less.

"What are you afraid of?"

—Love hurts.

"Cheerios."

—People can't take in too much at a time.

"Back for more, huh?"

—Macho, macho, macho, Mickey Mouse!

"Are you blind or something? You missed the turn!"

—There's options.

"Are you driving the van?"

—Every time you see him he's in a different overcoat.

"Do you like your SUV?"

—Whatever you have has to be good, believe it or not.

"Do you know where CellOne is?"

—The one with Technicolor and music?

"Are you responsible for this?"

—The master knows how to improve these situations ... Of course I do ... What do you think, I'm stupid?

"Are you finding everything okay?"

—Anything you don't want ... Three Christmas ornaments ... I'll find something.

"Are you finding everything all right?"

—In the ice or on a barge?

"Are you leaving that girl alone?"

—For starters ... Go down to Florida and cry ... You know, they love electromagnetism ... Ageless ... In India, everyone accepts everything ... Some people can do it and some people can't ... No, you can't fit two gallons in a thimble, no matter how fast you pour ... You'll be surprised ... That's what usually happens ... That doesn't matter ... Go kill yourself! ... Choke on your rosary ... When the moment comes to do the right thing, I let those moments fly right by ... I'm an artist, not a criminal!

"What's come over you?"

—The Upsons! ... The Ups and Downs! ... What do you care? ... It's nice to have it floating out in the air ... Never hide.

"Is your offer still good?"

—So that doesn't happen all the time.

"Were you playing with yourself during the performance?"

—Mark me down as skeptical ... Even the experts agree, a girl needs closure.

"Hey, I'm not through talking to you!"

—Signing off verbally!

"What's wrong?"

—Ridiculous! ... Did you hear that? Ridiculous ... I wouldn't say I have anything that really bothers me.

"WHY ARE YOU MESSING WITH MY HUSBAND?" [Screamed at a pretty woman crossing the street]

—I don't need that.

"There's no view at the Red Caboose – The Riverview restaurant is out on a pier."

—So there you go, and here are you.

"You are so bad! Bad, bad, bad, bad."

—There are two kinds of people: people who sit around in chairs, and people who dance!

"Who are you?"

—The ultimate.

"Maybe your roommate can help you get it published."

—If you don't underestimate me, I won't underestimate you.

"The Dartmouth game meant nothing to us – Our big game was with Princeton."

—Good! What's wrong with that?

"Are you laughing at me?"

—Actually myself.

"Well, you were his sweetheart."

—Not my anus!

"What are you implying?"

—That doesn't mean anything.

"Young man, were you getting fresh with me?"

—I don't go for that stuff.

"This is a great idea – You could get someone who really knows pop culture to write it."

—Bob Dylan.

"Your cousins better learn how to start acting like millionaires."

—I hate those big bathtubs.

"You better go to college and get a good job or marry rich because you will never be lucky enough to have a trust account and rich family like your mother."

—You can only find your dignity where you lost it.

"Hello, Steve, how's the hotshot investor these days?"

—It's just money.

"We want someone who can hit the ground running."

—You don't need qualifications in Silicon Valley – You just have to be able to work!

"I can't believe how stupid you are."

—Everybody is good at something, and sooner or later, it comes out.

"Are her parents dead? – Are her parents dead?" [Your adopted Chinese child]

—Hey! You're a beautiful human being ... Get into love! ... That doesn't sound right ... What about the Pope? ... You and the Pope ... Let her get back to reality ... These midnight messages are spoiling her.

"Do I look like a menacing guy?"

—I have news for you – I've never looked at you – I've just looked at zebras – I'm from another planet.

"Do I look like a hooker?"

—Very proper.

"She's been sexed." [Sexually awakened]

—She's going to end badly.

"Do you think I act Calvinist?"

—As long as you're a living creature, you have to accept life as a given.

"Certain people – You know who you are – ...."

—The lowlifes of art go there.

"I don't want you back anyhow." [Donald Duck voice]

—My God! I thought I had it bad.

"Ooo – Nicely coordinated outfit." [Sarcastically]

—What a life of pain you lead.

"You do well when you dress in the dark."

—That's good to know – I think I'll fall down.

"Appetites aren't as big as your noses, huh?"

—If my dog had a face like yours, I'd shave its ass and walk it backwards.

"Do you have your cab already?"

—Nobody cares.

"Hey, you made everybody go away!"

—It is mystifying.

[Stuttering]

—You'll get over it.

"Hey, Richard!"

—You're being abusive making me wait.

"Do you want to watch TV tonight?"

—Reschedule me! – I can't wait more than half an hour.

"I just want to pull it over and watch it while I work on the computer."

—It comes back.

"What's this?"

—Good things come to those who wait.

"What's up, buddy?"

—Nothing deep.

"What's wrong with that?"

—You tell me.

"I don't see what's so great about your owning an Armani suit."

—They know what they're doing.

"What's wrong with Sacramento Street?"

—It's too bright! It's shining in my eyes.

"Excuse me – Are you talking to me?"

—That's what most people do – They're just like girls with dolls ... or little boys with machine guns.

"Are you making fun of me?"

—I don't know where to begin.

"What's that going to do to you?"

—We have options.

["Did you see The Evolutionary Throwback?"] "Those are the things I do."

—It's a lot different than you think.

["We have seventeen websites."] "Kind of compulsive."

—Driven.

"Are you obsessive?"

—This is the sign of a good writer – someone who takes pains.

"What's in it for me?"

—A three-dimensional granite block that says, "Business is lousy."

"What's the catch?"

—Wealth is not just about accumulation; wealth is determined by how much you give.

"What's it like to be gay?"

—I'm not gay – I'm morose.

[Someone disparaging gays when you're gay]

—Don't fuck with my culture – No one should ever aggravate me.

"Your web site is verbal diarrhea. Search engines catch this shit and spew computer screens all over the world. Please delete."

—Well, I'm a sadomasochistic polymorphous perverse necrophiliac. I like to fuck dead senior citizens in the ear.

"And I'm not going to let you inject me with the plague, either."

—We've got a baby here.

"Don't you dare compare me to that pip-squeak."

—No one's big; no one's small.

"Don't have a cow!"

—Who would?

"Did anyone ask you not to bring your dog back in here?"

—They go everywhere.

"Next time you decide to smoke a cigarette, you should consider standing over there." [Pointing to another part of the open outdoor patio]

—If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun.

"But I have asthma, and I can still smell your smoke."

—That's all it's good for.

"Are you sure? I'm afraid you can never get the girl."

[See Icarus and the Gutter Snipe]

"You are so full of shit, Maxine!"

—What happens when a man goes through his own portal?

"Are you talking to me?"

—No big surprises.

"What are friends for?" [Sarcastically]

—I didn't get anything.

"You had an idea once, but it died of loneliness."

—Donuts are getting sophisticated.

"I put a lot of time into trying to figure out your web site and learn something but I find it more confusing than helpful. It is very incoherent and you could probably use some professional web site help as well as with the writing. That is, if you actually wish to be helpful to people." [While it's true she spent an hour at taxi1010.com, she never actually read the home page; I never know what to do when people walk right into the middle of things and start complaining, pretending I have all kinds of money. It kind of hurts my feelings. Actually, it hurts my feelings a lot. –Richard. Hmm. Maybe I could get an office as big as a pirate ship! –R.]

—What's going on? What did I do? I must be no good. No matter what I do, it isn't good enough. Why didn't my parents try to get me to feel worthwhile ... on my own? If they liked me, they would say I did something well.

"What are the rules for Moxie's Disease?"

—Just do the best you can.

"Are you trying to start a fight?"

—When you come from a big family, everything cuts.

"What are you doing in this neck of the woods?"

—Do you feel twice blessed?

"How are you guys doing?"

—Times haven't changed.

"Now it's eighty-seven!"

—Kids now! – Forget it!