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SETTLE DOWN!

 
 

66. The Dieter

 
 
 

"To the Editor: ¶ I am a public defender in Massachusetts who has represented juveniles, many of them teenage girls. 'The Myth of Mean Girls,' by Mike Males and Meda-Chesney Lind (Op-Ed, April 2), misses the point. Physical violence is only one manifestation of mean-girl bullying. Mean girls use verbal abuse, intimidation and exclusion, and it's most viciously directed at girls who are liked by popular boys, as we've seen in the recent tragedy in South Hadley, Mass. ¶ While it's wonderful news that girls' arrest rates for violent offenses are down, that statistic doesn't begin to measure the terrible damage being done to girls by, yes, 'mean girls.' Mara Dolan, Concord, Mass,. April 2, 2010" (–Editorials/Letters, "How to Stop Bullying in the Schools," The New York Times, April 3, 2010) (–Source: taxi1010.com stargate43)

 

"You're a druggie – You're a whore and a slut and deserve to die."
—SETTLE DOWN!
—Who's it for, for me or da-da? ... People live in weird pockets ... What does it matter what you say about people? ... Take your gun to bed with you.

 

"I'm so sorry your mother didn't love you as much as you wanted her to."
—SETTLE DOWN!
—Ideas, experience ... Neither one. That's what they say. Aristotle, thumb up, "ideas." Plato, thumb down, "experience." ... Neither one.

 

"What the hell is your problem? – You're not good enough!" [Line chef screaming at another line chef in a busy kitchen]
—SETTLE DOWN!
—Will you stop giving me a hard time? – It's grease, baby! – No one does – This is what makes the Eiffel Tower hum – I don't trust you! – You're going to quit while you're ahead – Where did you learn to say that one? – You're a jungle fever! – But please, don't monkey with Broadway! – Want a half Mexican? – How are you finding a solid black shoe on your neck? – What's beyond delusion? – You did a good job! – It looks worse than it did – You call that working? – You're doing that on charm – Get some method in your work – It's not my fault! – You never watch what I'm doing – I don't know, I just watch it! – Sometimes it's better to do things slowly – It won't be hard – This is why robots will never make it.

 

"What the hell do you think you're doing?"
—SETTLE DOWN!
—Don't try to figure things out – Feed what's inside you!

 

"I guess I just expected you to use better judgment."
—SETTLE DOWN!
—Your parents had a very strange conception of life.

 

"Non-escalating Verbal Self-Defense looks like it could be interesting just from the title, but it seems to be an interesting idea completely ruined by an idiosyncratic and baffling presentation that surely only makes sense to its creators." [Link from Lake Effect, May 5, 2003]
—SETTLE DOWN!
—I think the dog did it, or the cat.

 

"I admire you, because I've never had the courage to be so boring."
—SETTLE DOWN!
—Do you know what you get when you cross Alzheimer's with déjà vu? (A feeling that you've forgotten this before)

 

"Go to hell."
—SETTLE DOWN!
—What time?

 

"I feel icky!"
—SETTLE DOWN!
—Heartless creature.

 

"I wasted all my pretty years on you."
—SETTLE DOWN!
—It's much more intense.

 

"How can the Americans make this mistake?" [An errant bomb, many dead and wounded]
—SETTLE DOWN!
—Prepare your kids for a hard life, which every life is sooner or later.

 

"How much is the gas here now?"
—SETTLE DOWN!
—There's not many places you can go anymore, are they?

 

"How much did that set you back?"
—SETTLE DOWN!
—I'm sure you'll find one when everything's cheap.

 

"There are no winners; there are no losers."
—SETTLE DOWN!
—Three kinds of people, those who can count, and those who can't.

 

"Fat whore."
—SETTLE DOWN!
—You have to do it when it's wet.

 

"He called you a whore!"
—SETTLE DOWN!
—How does it feel to be the healthiest person in your family?

 

"You don't need to be drinking every night – You don't need those calories."
—SETTLE DOWN!
—You tried it twice – Try something else.

 

"I'm sorry – that dress doesn't come in larger sizes."
—SETTLE DOWN!
—Well, everybody's got something good about them.

 

"Jane, are you trying to look unattractive?"
—SETTLE DOWN!
—Read, The Dwarf. (1945, Par Lagerkvist)

 

"I was a combination of sad and angry and disappointed and hurt." [Wife discussing her husband's interest in erotica on the CBS Evening News, May 1, 2007]
—SETTLE DOWN!
Did you become a traitor? ... Wearing sateen, dark red lipstick, hanging out in pool houses ... You never know what they're going to do ... It hurts a lot ... Maybe I'll change my ways ... I feel better about it now ... When the lion is chasing the antelope, he doesn't look back.

 

"It must be that time of month." [To a woman]
—SETTLE DOWN!
—If it isn't, so what?

 

"Have you ever been taken out of context?"
—SETTLE DOWN!
—That's still going on.

 

"Your waitress made me extremely uncomfortable today. She ruined my entire morning. I'm very upset. I'll be contacting KQED."
—SETTLE DOWN!
—You're way ahead of most people.

 

"You know what? You just ruined my life."
—SETTLE DOWN!
—What am I, a mind reader? – A dream within a dream ... It's killing you, right? ... It's the greater fool theory ... With her serpent tongue ... It feels weak ... You just have to pamper it.

 
 

 

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