"What are you working on?"

—"The ship I'm writing about ... A crack in its hull ... I'm going fishing." (–John McPhee, "Draft No. 4," The New Yorker, April 29, 2013, p. 38)

"How do you do that?"

—"A rip, a scam—to tickle some machine and cause it to print money." (–John McPhee, "Draft No. 4," The New Yorker, April 29, 2013, p. 33)

"How do you do?"

—Knowledge leads to food ... Do what? ... I gather coconuts!

"From where?" [From one of the school's "mean girls."]

—You attract what you are, and you cultivate what you attract.

"Nobody over twenty-five-years-old had tents there!" [Disrupting your story of some old people at Burning Man, disputing your honest observations, attempting to ignite a barroom brawl – whereupon you instantly find yourself transported to stargate74]

—I didn't say, "Geez, girls, you're growing eight breasts at once!" ... Everybody knows this ... There was only one thing to say ... Guatemala! ... (Not Costa Rica!) ... God makes everything beautiful.

"I haven't seen you in a while – Where have you been hiding?"

—Behind everything.

"How do you know you'll make the right decision?"

—Because I know I'm smart.

[Vigorous chicken noises from your roommate, at suitably random moments]

—Intricate footwork!

"You shouldn't be so sensitive."

—You have to see the opposite side of things.

"You're being too sensitive."

—Have you seen Junior's grades? ... The more you see, the bigger your mind is.

"I don't really like smart guys – I prefer to be smarter."

—If you're intelligent enough, you don't have to lie ... If a man and a woman talk to each other, does it have to make sense?

"Why do you let people do this to you?" [Bully you]

—WHAT'S WRONG WITH GETTING ANGRY? ... (1.) You could hurt someone's feelings; (2.) You could go too far; (3.)  You could say too much; (4.) They could retaliate, threaten, and punish; (5.) It's uncivilized or barbaric ... WHAT'S MY FAULT TODAY?

"What do you mean by that?"

—To annoy my neighbors ... TO MAKE THEM PAY FOR THIS! ... It's not going to do you any good to be too civilized ... You have to pay a lot for dwarfs to take small steps – in Berkeley ... Frightened is a tool you have – It's like a thermometer of intelligence ... "What good is learning about a problem if you can't learn about solving the damn thing, am I right?" (–Andres Vachss, Heart Transplant, Dark Horse Books, Milwaukie, Oregon, 2010)

"I have no friends and just don't fit in." [Suicide note from eighteen-year-old boy]

—It takes you over ... Put a little something in ... You'd be surprised how many people have killed themselves or done something stupid just because they didn't understand a little thing ... Dog feelings, right? That's what they're into, "feelings," right? ... You have to be your own friend ... It's good to know you're not the only one, too ... "Feelings" is just one little part of your nervous system that keeps sending a message ... If you identify with it, and think your whole life is that one little part of you, ... It's huge! ... Oh, I'm back home with all the hyenas!

"I don't look at this person as a person." [Father of seventeen-year-old girl, regarding the man being held in connection with her disappearance]

—It's like a distraction from the pain.

"Don't forget to like yourself."

—Don't think you can't do it – It's ridiculous not to – You're good at that.

"Don't look so happy."

—Hold a blow torch on it and then smack it with the blow torch!

"Do you really think you need another one?"

—If you have your own money, what can anyone tell you?

"How'd you do that?"

—We all have these things in us.

"Are you somebody, or do you take salary?" [What a certain Swiss aristocrat would say to greet people. –Dan]

—Don't kill yourself ... I'm an upstart ... a parvenu.

"What happened to you on Sunday?"

—Successfully dumb and good at it, too! ... It's not my fault ... No one told me.

"So do you ride around all day thinking of things to say?"

—I'm a total evil liar.

"Fancy that."

—It's too late to change now.

«verbal/emotional abuse moving on what to watch for next time»

—That might come in handy sometime, to give up your right to kill yourself.

"What did I do to deserve a child like you?"

—You're stronger than you think.

"Don't get lost out there."

—When people start acting like assholes, just duck!

"It's better than the alternative."

—The heat's coming on.

"Where did you pick that up? How do you know that?"

—Move along. There is nothing to see here.

"Stuff it! I do the thinking around here!"

—That explains a lot – It's so hidden.

"Jim says she had major reconstructive surgery."

—God is not your father – He's your partner, who steals from you.

"Where are these words coming from?"

—It's probably just genetic.

"Where did you get this?" [A 5-euro bill]

—What if there were Playboy Bunnies on the moon?

"I'm just a housewife."

—We can go home at night proud of ourselves!

"I'm a housewife."

—It's a wise person who knows what they like to do.

"Don't talk to Richard; Richard is MY friend."

—It might be genetic ... There's lots of genetic sports ... Just frolicking!

"Do you think they sag too much?"

—Don't forget mattresses.

"How many houses do you own?" [To Senator John McCain]

—Every old thing ... All over the place ... Nothing at all fancy ... What better protection for an artist? ... (An insane asylum)

"Don't do anything unusually stupid." [Dialogue from Avatar]

—You're supposed to be doing what you do.

"Relax and let your mind go blank – That should be easy for you." [Dialogue from Avatar]

—Because that's what you are, and that's what will grow ... and you don't know what it will grow into.

"Where's the nearest bar?"

—I always forget something.

"Don't be such a girl!"

—You get so excited ... Let's all get fired! ... They have a really acute sense of smell ... You have no idea what it's like ... They're real geniuses ... "Put on a smile, walk a mile!" ... You're wrong, and you're never right ... That's long enough, isn't it?

"Some verbal response suggestions from a taxi driver - Non-escalating verbal self defence http://www.taxi1010.com" [Link from thepeaceclinic.org]

—There's appropriate releases.

"You're so wise; you're so intuitive." [They're trying to trick people into thinking they're important – It leads to terrible delusions of grandeur]

—It's like the Fourth Stooge, and he can't even afford a sweater – Very powerful – You know what Gurdjieff used to say – There's half a saint every two hundred years.

«What to do when a friend verbally attacks your child»

—It's not like I did it on purpose ... I don't mind that ... I don't care that much ... They're nice people ... We're in trouble ... "I can't say what I'm supposed to believe – I can only say what I am ... I can't say what I'm supposed to say – I can only say what I am." (–Martin Luther) ... Everyone has done something they shouldn't have ... It just must be built-in.

"Excuse me, do you have a light?"

—You begin to wonder ... What's it to you?

"I bet there's a program you can do."

—I can't ... I could, but I don't want to ... You're on your own, kid ... Learn a trade.

"Do something creative every day."

—Keep it bad.

"Where are you?"

—Someplace where they're smart – Why, I don't know – A graveyard of old machinery – I want a nuclear plant and a Wal-Mart! – They're very happy – No resistance to change.

"Where are you?"

—With me.

"I can tell by looking at you that it doesn't matter what you do with your time."

—Never mind which restaurant.

"Where are mysteries?" [To a book store clerk]

—All around us.

"Richard, I have a two-song CD I'd like to mail you of my playing fiddle with my teacher. Where should I send it?"

—All the way to the farm.

"Where do you live?" [To Amanda, a five-year-old]

—On earth.

"How'd you get all the way over here from North Carolina?"

—Lightning bolts! ... I'll bet rich people do.

"Where do you live?"

—Well, if you live in the present ... In effect that's what we're doing ... Better than Las Vegas, fucking creeps ... They're gangsters ... They were really bad.

"Where is your family?"

—Close enough ... They may have some nice things about them, but they're rats!

"Where are you from?" [From a sleazy shop keeper]

—No one likes it.

["I found out after work my mother had died at the moment I pulled off the highway and dreamt she was behind me, digging a hole in the sand ... over in North Carolina."] "Where in North Carolina?"

—The place of enchantment.

"Big one! – Where did you go?"

—Where there's no fog.

"You always want what you don't have."

—Especially if the food isn't any good.

"Why did you ask me where I'm from?"

—Just wondered.

"They didn't need books – He had an imagination!" [Referring to Marc Chagall (born Moyshe Segal, 1887-1985), who may or may not have needed books, but he sure did attend at least five different art schools, and spent many days studying masterpieces at museums]

—By the way, they're not called Jews anymore – They're called rootless metropolitans ... It's correspondence?

"Raise your hand if you think global warming is a serious threat caused by human behavior." (–Moderator Carolyn Washburn)

—"You want to give me a minute to answer that?" (–Tennessee Senator Fred Thompson) ... No one teaches it in school.

"Who here had buttered raisin toast when they were a kid?"

—The occasion may allow quiet reflection ... Ayes, Nays and Present! ... I'm going to start a summer camp where everyone walks around naked with a light bulb up their ass.

"I'm going to describe some scenarios to you. Raise your hand if you think what I'm describing is wrong." (–NYT columnist David Pogue)

—"I'm not doing hand shows today." (–Tennessee Senator Fred Thompson) ... I'm not saying anything, because I'm not like that.

"Say hello to Vanna." [Ribbing you for watching Wheel of Fortune]

—Girls are bad, too, but not in the same way.

["You're so beautiful!"] "Oh, so you don't think I was pretty yesterday?"

—I wish death and rebirth seven times!

"If you have to do it, you might as well do it right."

—Stop padding your role.

"Yea, Hillary! You go, girl!"

—Good! Two for one! ... The beat goes on.

"Vanna! I want my Vanna!"

—I'm beginning to believe in genetics – It could be a genetic predisposition.

"Quit living out your fantasies."

—That's what you're saving me for, huh?

"You should do my checkbook."

—It's like the French court.

"Vanna!"

—It's no joke ... Anything else you want to talk about? ... Don't take any shit from your own mind, or anyone else.

"What do you do for a living?"

—The minute you get it, you don't need it anymore ... I am retired, because I give myself orders ... That's all a myth ... It's heartbreaking, believe me! ... Don't try it! ... You just have to separate the personal shit from the real ... I do the same thing! ... We had a really cold spell ... I don't think in my position I want to mess around with the IRS ... Oh! You're lucky! ... Geez! I'm divulging all my secrets.

"How much do you make?"

—Little trees is what you want ... It's not worthless ... Isn't it nice to do what you like? ... We won't tell anyone ... I don't want to be disgraced ... Well, I'm not so sure that was nice ... You're a girl, all right.

"Are you a Warriors fan?"

—Just tell me if there's anything I should watch for.

"What do you want?"

—Seeing is believing ... Isma and the Pirate – The Perfect Crime.

["Did you add vermouth to that?"] "I was making two drinks at the same time, so you probably don't know what you saw." [He's an asshole]

—Je ne sais quoi. [Fr: "I know not what." An indefinable something]

"Don't you love her, Richard?" [Estrella, a nine-year-old girl]

—Everybody knows a beautiful little girl when they see one.

"Your girlfriend is a drip."

—We're all drips from the same cloud ... How many drips does it take to make a rainbow cry?

"Tell me, what do women want?"

—"Trust me, we have no idea what we want!" ... To Be Understood.

"What do girls want?"

—People want to be liked ... It's so fast you don't even see it! ... You don't punish yourself enough! ... It's very baffling until you realize you're not like them ... That's their aim in life, to be like everyone else ... Or some mad inventor, with some secret workshop ... Who do you know who has a regular job? ... They all have a front ... Well it could be a front ... You don't know the half of it ... They're hustling to get a good deal ... That's what life is ... To make sure no one is embarrassed in any way, shape or form ... A girl trying to find herself a perfect man is like trying to find a lettuce ... Just so people can feel there's something real ... It's really like homework ... If you meet a big pink fish and it bops you on the head, you'll know why ... The more oil, the better ... It's okay! ... Are you lucky! ... Looking for a fish ... You said it! ... You're the big black bear! ... They have no firsthand knowledge ... It's just what they read in a book ... And then it changes ... And then it's that! ... Good! I see your point! ... That's what thrills them, right? ... Just shut up ... They just want to see if you're a complainer ... I think the dog eats it (Pot).

"Where did you find all this out?"

—In the men's room at Columbia Medical School ... That bathroom is a joke, if you didn't know ... We don't have ministers – We just have personal experiences.

"Don't do too much."

—Where did you learn to do that?

"Don't touch me."

—You don't need to be that good – You can be bad sometimes.

"You've got a whole lot of 'splainin' to do!"

—We like people for their qualities ... We love people for their defects ... At a certain point that's all you can do ... Let her go and see what happens ... I'd like to take a worm for a swim ... Every time you get rejected by a girl, you're lucky ... Because do you want to end up with someone who doesn't like you? ... A soul-mate-who always-attacks-you and you attack them ... Oh, you're lucky! ... Short and sweet is what they used to say ... All it did was make you free ... Don't say things. Think things! "You need help taking that off?" ... The ones who are in real trouble are the ones who were never rejected ... Stand up straight! Don't put your finger in your nose before you touch my letter! ... Look how things turn out if you leave things alone ... You just have a nice life and see what happens ... Double it and add a million! ... You should take a bigger view ... You should see yourself against a bigger landscape ... When you see yourself too close, you get too narrow ... Against a big landscape you're doing all right ... It's a good way to be angry: Vote with your feet ... Take the broad view ... Don't get sucked into a barren view of things ... Don't even worry about it ... Just have fun ... Do what's good for you, what's good for your life ... I feel bad because of the way I was treated when I was little ... Feeling bad is an illusion ... What's hurting you is not believing it's an illusion ... It's not something to do ... It's an effort and a direction ... That would help a lot ... Is that the way to love someone, is to criticize them? ... My parents did not like me ... And it's very hard for me to express love, because I never saw it ... Well, no one's ever liked me ... I felt very hurt ... No one's making you feel hurt; you're pre-hurt; don't transfer your hurt onto outside objects ... You have a mind – You have outer reality ... It's free – It's in prison ... It's clean – It's dirty ... Don't mention it ... You saved me a lot of trouble ... Thanks for telling me I'm a good person ... Once today, twice tomorrow ... With some people, no matter what you do, you're the bad parent; with others, no matter what you do, you're the good parent ... If you don't take their father's shit, they hate you! ... You can't be friendly to those people, and you can't say anything that's real.

"I can't give you what I don't have."

—Are you a magician? Now you see it, now you don't! Is that a magic trick?

"What do you say?"

—Live it up! ... Don't be pushy! Look what happened to the Jews.

"Do you consider yourself an independent woman?" [Interrogation of Indian actress on 60 Minutes]

—I'm trying to make a living.

"Do you need pot? Do you need pot?"

—Oh, yeah ... We have a lot of money – We paper the walls with it – We have it under the rugs.

"So everyone can become enlightened."

—What if they don't want to be enlightened?

"Are you enlightened?"

—Totally. Try to be there when it comes; try to be there when it stops; that's how they used to say it.

"That's your idea of a good wine? Where did you grow up again?"

—Sometimes it does pay to be ignorant.

"Where was your God on Tuesday?"

—It's better to have a friend than money.

"Where is your arm?" [From a little boy to a one-armed woman]

—So many things have happened to me I don't know what they are.

["You know what's really good? – McDonald's coffee!"] "I've never had any."

—It's the glitter.

"It's hard for me to know where you're coming from."

—One tricky situation after another.

"Oh, you know, we've had you before."

—No exaggeration!

"Chica is a real dog."

—Don't put all your love on one thing or one person.

"Do you have a large envelope?"

—It's really hidden away.

"I feel you're not committed."

—No, I'm not – It all depends on what you don't do – Ever since they closed Napa State Hospital, it's hard to get committed – I totally submerge myself in you, and you totally submerge yourself in me, and we have gigantic silent fights.

"Why do you take things so personally?"

—If someone tries to kill you, smite them! ... It's The Song of Moses (Deuteronomy 32:1-47) ... Every week it gets easier.

"You're being too touchy."

—It must be a racial memory.

"Where are the dogs?"

—Don't let the cat out of the bag, whatever you do.

"Where are the boys?" [Your dogs]

—I fell in love with a banana and married it.

"He's making whoopee in my garden."

—I'm hip!

"He peed in my yard."

—More or less normal.

"So what's the latest news? You've got that newspaper."

—The whole trick is to have intuition.

"I know you really don't hate me."

—Just send it back!

"We've got to stop at an ATM – so I can pay you!"

—Makes life nice.

"Do you swim?"

—Do you like doing it?

"You don't get to swim?"

—It's in the blood.

"Don't do that!"

—A word to the wise is sufficient.

"What don't you understand?"

—You've got an answer for everything, don't you? ... like a little angel.

"Go back to Kansas!"

—First things first, and we'll let you wear long pants.

"Are you sure you're Yale material?"

—People don't really have talent ... They have connection with the part of them that can just do things ... I guess it's called expressing yourself ... I read The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn ... teaches white kids not to work ... That's the problem with a lot of people ... They won't do anything.

["We have to build up America again!" "You mean, by breeding with beautiful women?"] "I think your generation can take care of that."

—Winston Churchill says, "The further back I look, the further forward I can see."

"You've got all the ideas, don't you?"

—You know, I thought of that, too.

"Don't quit your day job."

—I'm waiting for virtual insanity.

"Don't be a girl."

—Because the Red Sox lost.

"Don't you dogs get bathed?"

—Apparently not.

"Don't move this! We need this!" [Shopping cart blocking the whole aisle]

—I'm waiting.

"Hey, buddy, I don't like your face."

—I was never cute.

"Why don't you move ... if you don't like it."

—Making money!

"You don't like the wine?"

—Is this new?

"You don't work Saturday?"

—Just let the world go by – Don't do anything.

"I'm a psychotherapist."

—You know, it almost makes you feel normal.

["What's your profession?"] "I don't work."

—You're not under the gun.

"I'm blind. I'm very sensitive to light and no one knows why. It's very frustrating."

—That's a treasure of energy.

"Actually, that should have been: Quit hiding behind anonymity [on the Internet], then we'll talk. Not sure why I felt the need to change it."

—Is my hair red? [See Richard.htm]

"This site has a lot of potential. Put it in a different format, then we'll talk."

—You needn't consider not talking as one of your problems. [See VerbalTools.com]

"So what do you do, dude?"

—I gather coconuts.

"You wouldn't do that; you're not that kind of guy."

—When you're wised up, you don't buy too much.

"What do you look like?" [In a chat room on the Web]

—A model citizen.

"Do I look like God?"

—Don't hit any plants.

"What did you do?" [Plastic surgery]

—Play Melancholy Baby for me.

["I like the tracks."] "Do you?"

—You don't have to spend years cleaning up.

"You don't love me."

—Do you know who Lochinvar is?

"Now what are you crying about?"

—A knight in shining armor.

"Do you love me?"

—It's like a beast riding at night.

"To complete the bond ..." [Reciprocating a pair of Indian Friendship Feathers]

—We just think things, and they happen.

"Mom, where do babies come from?"

—Two experts – Maybe you ought to talk to a neutral, like an ex-Jesuit.

"How do you know?"

—Fish tremble at the mention of my name.

"You always do that."

—What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? (A nervous wreck)

["It's going to be a cold, frosty night."] "How do you know that? Are you a meteorologist?"

—The big problem is to think you're the only one.

"What do you know about that?"

—I surprise myself.

"I'm just funny that way – That's just something that I do."

—Always wait until tomorrow.

["Do you live far away?"] "I don't live here."

—We're almost the same.

[Something to say to your ex-wife]

—Happy people are all alike – Unhappy people all have a different way to be unhappy. (From Leo Tolstoy)

"You win some and you lose some."

—I wouldn't say that's killing you, right?

"Even when you win, you lose."

—Maybe you'll move to a higher plain of sophistication.

"Where's your car?"

—Just in time! ... because you never know what people are carrying.

"Where's Blackie?"

—You can say the W word.

"Hey, hey! Where's the fucking fire?"

—Next is "Who are you?"

"I'LL KILL YOUR ASS ... DON'T YOU KNOW I COULD BLOW YOU AWAY?"

—Erase the anathema!

"How many ways are there to kill yourself?"

—It sure would make life easy.

"I'll kill him if he does anything weird!"

—Very healthy.

"I wanted to rip the president's head off, if I had him in front of me I would shoot him in the groined area." (Sue Niederer, who is being investigated by the Secret Service for this remark, originally posted on counterpunch.org)

—Well, think of the brain drain.

"Should Obama be killed? :: No; maybe; yes; yes if he cuts my health care." (Poll on a Facebook page which is being investigated by the Secret Service, according to Thomas L. Friedman, "Where Did 'We' Go?" The New York Times, September 30, 2009)

—Only a stupid person would try to do that (Kill everyone) ... What is the aim of your own life? ... You stick to it, and don't let anyone tell you anything else ... We do one thing at a time ... Go to the bathroom before you play the piano.

"Support mental health or I'll kill you!" [Bumper sticker]

—No one goes there – Just don't cut your thumbs off.

"I wanna kill you!"

—Take a number!

"I just feel like killing everybody."

—A negative return on investment.

"If you ever tell him, I'll kill you!"

—Don't aggravate me while I'm working.

"Well, I am worried because we're not getting this done on time."

—It's not going to be that hard.

"Bring it on!" [War chant]

—We'll see about that.

"What are you on?"

—There's no need to.

"What is going on with you?"

—Is that sick?

"That stuff doesn't turn me on."

—Delusions of grandeur and happiness don't mix.

"I love your hair color – what number is it?"

—Eat your heart out!

"I have no problem with women."

—Men and women are just the same, huh?

"Men and women are just the same."

—I could tell you more.

"What is the secret of women?"

—Total despair – They don't have that gene.

"Cutting men's testicles."

—Oh, how can you attack your mother? She just made beets.

"So, what do you look for in a woman?"

—Because it grows better that way.

"Robert, quit looking at my breasts." [From, Everybody Loves Raymond]

—You have a really nice touch.

"Are your eyes full?"

—Pretty wholesome, huh?

"Did you twist your neck?"

—Where's your mirror?

"Those are my breasts."

—Where have I been? – I thought I had X-ray vision!

"Do you like what you see?"

—You want me to say no, don't you?

"Don't walk away from me!"

—I don't fool around – especially with artists.

"Yeah, if you're not confused, you're not paying attention! Or maybe you are. Junior wants some Ritalin!" [Link]

—I am myself ... Good-bye.