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CLINIC

PATIENT

DIAGNOSTIC

Patient refers to it as stargate-six-five

A Patroniser.1

Harassment.1

 

TOOLSET

INFORMAL FALLACY

Argumentum ad Misericordiam — (Appeal to Pity) An argument appealing to the compassion of the listener; a plea for mercy - These are the conditions in a restaurant, having to do with the management of change and complexity - In these conditions, Symbols of Power (They don't even see you) are the laughingstock of the whole planet - The rest of us will enjoy The WAITER / WAITRESS Special.

 

NOTES TO MYSELF

PSYCHOLOGICAL AGE

CLASS

[twisting your arm] - These people are always trying to influence you, sometimes sending you on a wild goose chase through lies or hocus-pocus - They ask for your help, and can't be helped - In conversations, don't say or do anything in particular - "Great powers should never get involved in the politics of small tribes." (–Kamal Salibi) Simply put your attention on wanting that person to have a better life.

The Age of Detachment, ages 16-19

Rules

 

 
 
 
 
 

Exactly what someone said [or did]
... usually not very original.

The thoughts of a "bad child"
... to free your mind again.

TRICKS

WINGS

IDEAS

"In theory? In reality as well."

—ON FIRE!

—That's part of your commitment to excellence?

["I just want to make sure you have my forms."] "Oh, I don't recall; I don't recall ... Did you make a copy? ... Make sure you make copies!" [Required paperwork you turned in the first day of class, which they somehow lost]

—Totally unexpected.

—That helps a lot ... There used to be one ... First time is your major; just knocking them out is your minor ... Nobody makes it alone, nobody! ... I'll put everyone on it ... Next course!

"Race doesn't matter."

The shortcut. YOU!

—Then you feel you're losing things, and that's no good!

"That's not an issue."

—ON FIRE!

—It's just knowing what to do and how to do it.

"Do you have a penny?" [Ambushing you outside the restaurant]

—Totally unexpected.

—Clever, huh?

"You have a penny, Sir?"

—Totally unexpected.

Just waiting ... And more! ... Not for you ... How are you going to make a living doing that?

"I wouldn't mind one of those twenties!"

The shortcut. YOU!

—Very unique.

"Is there a problem with my corned beef hash & eggs?"

—Totally unexpected.

—It can't be helped ... We're doing the best we can ... Preparation is everything ... Just one of those days ... Only one thing at a time, right? ... All in good time.

"This Merlot, 1982, makes me unhappy."

The shortcut. YOU!

—Please accept my apologies ... Next time I'll know that.

"My crab is not cracked – I WANT MY CRAB CRACKED! – I WANT MY CRAB CRACKED!"

The shortcut. YOU!

—I think it's easy to tell ... I don't think it's easy to tell ... That's why they go to Church ... They're total rats.

"CAN I HAVE MY DECAF COFFEE NOW?"

The shortcut. YOU!

—You were cheated ... from pursuing happiness ... Nobody likes that.

"Do you have this in a bottle? I'd rather have this in a bottle." [Sending back a glass of beer] "... Can I have an empty glass?"

The shortcut. YOU!

—Maybe we can switch it – Let's try that – I don't mind – What's the difference? – You are a very good person – I must commend you.

"Sorry I don't have any tip money for you today."

—What's next?

—Nothing to worry about ... There might be a reason ... It's out of the question ... Let's leave that door closed.

"Don't stab me in the back."

—ON FIRE!

—Taste good today? ... How might I help? ... Is everything prepared all right? ... It's my pleasure.

"Let's leave a really big tip."

—Totally unexpected.

—I assure you I spend every cent I get – I get rid of it!

"You don't need a tip?"

—Totally unexpected.

—You don't have to – Save it for a rainy day.

"What year is that?" [Your car, asked by a bum at a gas station, getting ready to ask you for money]

The shortcut. YOU!

—This is my high-water mark.

"What year did you graduate in the field you're teaching?"

The shortcut. YOU!

—There are two kinds of graduate students: one kind works in a factory for the summer; another kind is sent to Europe by their parents ... total spoiled rats ... Let other people talk big ... I'm not going to put up with brats, or Nazis, or assholes ... Oh, yeah! ... The dog likes it.

"Under what circumstances did the third president of the United States forswear his views on slavery?"

—Totally unexpected.

—Lots of people it's very simple – They see something to do and they do it . . . to see what happens.

"Go ask Charlie what a sky hook is."

—Totally unexpected.

—A trip to the moon on gossamer wings.

"If you tell that guy over there he's the buyer, he really likes it ... It makes him feel big."

—Totally unexpected.

—Is it worth the time? I don't know. I'll think about it.

"Where are my penguins?"

—Totally unexpected.

—What's the definition of a Jewish mother? Someone who leads horses to water and won't let them drink.

"Put it in your book."

—Totally unexpected.

—Fits right in.

"Can you never think of the right thing to say? Trouble relating in social circumstances? Maybe Taxi1010 can help. This guide to verbal self-defense is extensive, detailed, and quite clearly the work of a troubled mind ... Spend a minute, spend a day, spend your life trying to figure this site out." [Link from metafilter.com]

—What's next?

—Dug out of solid rock.

"Oh, you look younger in the picture."

—What's next?

—Just like my great, great, great, great grandmother.

"I don't want you in here." [Police officer kicking you out of a bar]

—Totally unexpected.

—A lot of people from different places think different things are friendly.

"Are you in a hurry there, Tod?"

—ON FIRE!

—I'm way ahead of you.

"What right do you have to tell me these things? – Stay in your place."

The shortcut. YOU!

—Think of it as a symbol – as a violin string.

"Method in our madness."

—What's next?

—No sacrifice is too great.

"Cover for me – I have a bad back."

The shortcut. YOU!

—Ever hear of a chameleon on plaid?

"I cut my thumb off – What are you going to do about it?"

The shortcut. YOU!

—You're expressing something.

[Finding your wife being nailed against a wall by another guy]

—ON FIRE!

—Was your grandmother a machine gun? – tough as nails.

"Trailer trash comes to mind."

The shortcut. YOU!

—There's no one else I can impress.

"If you want to leave, I can guarantee you won't find nobody else like me."

The shortcut. YOU!

—Especially you.

"What's the matter, Pat?"

The shortcut. YOU!

—Keep changing!

"What's the score?"

The shortcut. YOU!

—Jesus, zero.

"That's really one hell of a scare you gave me."

—Totally unexpected.

—Death, six billion.

"I have five children to feed."

—Totally unexpected.

—Life isn't all bad, is it?

"If you don't do this for me, I'm in for some big trouble."

The shortcut. YOU!

—Free lessons!

"So what are you going to do now? Ahhh ... remember the girl I showed you in the picture? Let me recommend her to you."

—ON FIRE!

[See Icarus and the Gutter Snipe]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
 

REFLECTIONS

 
 
 
 
 

03-JUL-1999. Polished street people have devoted years developing foolproof methods for approaching marks and setting them up for some scheme. When they walk up to you and deliver the perfect opening sequence, simply say, "—What's next?" Follow it up with, "The shortcut. YOU!"


13-JUL-2014.

 

Thick
of
It

ShortCuts

Top
of
Page

 

As follows

CODE WORDS: arrived, bottle, buyer, circumstances, copies, cover, crab, cracked, decaf, eggs, eighty-six, five, guarantee, hash, hook, in, insolent, issue, madness, matter, [nailed], penguins, penny, recall, recommend, scare, [schmear], score, thumb, tip, trash, troubled, twenties, unhappy, year

 

LXV
Pictor
"Painter's easel"

The shortcut. YOU!