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TRICKS
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WINGS
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IDEAS
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"There is something psychologically wrong with
you, my friend, but I'm sure I'm not the first person to tell you that."
:: WildCard-21
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—DOGS, TOO!
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—Growing pains ... The only thing that cures mental illness is air
and liberty ... Dad always said you should just go through things ...
It's just to understand what's going on ... People who can't do that are
just out on the streets ... Just what is wrong
with me, Adolf?
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"Aren't you Walt Disney?"
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—Not so!
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—Because you can't see them, you're at their mercy.
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"The president seems to be running just to hang on to power. I think
he will do anything in his power to try and get reelected."
(–Mitt Romney, "CBS This Morning," August 15, 2012)
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—Not so!
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—We have a small group of intelligent people ... I'll be okay in
just a minute ... Did they ask you what time that was? ... Look, I'll
be long gone ... small businesses, small states ... East San Jose ...
the working class mom ... a beautiful daughter, a child ... a Black history
... a loving mother ... a struggling artist ... a small voice ... a five-speed
bike ... I don't think you've spent a lot of time with soldiers ... You're
not based in California ... Wearing pajamas for two or three weeks ...
Mitt Romney.
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"Oh, and Jessica? You're a total freak – Hide
your ugly and dumb!"
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—Don't panic!
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—Your pain is your fortune when you understand it, because you can
see it's in everyone.
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["Jessica says hello."] "You talked to Jessica?"
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—Don't panic!
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—It's just a pleasure ... You can start a torture chamber.
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"To me, Taxi1010 represents an incoherent perversion
of the standard elements found in most digital text and websites. And,
in many ways, it illustrates (and exaggerates) the (irrational)
fears that many educators have about the harmful effects
of new digital literacies on student composition." [Link from Amy's
Technology and Rhetoric Blog, September 19, 2011]
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—Regenerate it! I don't care.
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—It hasn't helped you out in any way I can see.
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"I don't know jack shit about what you do."
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—DOGS, TOO!
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—I'm beginning to hate the boss ... He's not working hard enough! ...
Maybe I should start a health clinic ... a milk farm for dogs ...
I've had it with the boss! ... The boss is a liar and doesn't do
anything!
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"Something's wrong?"
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—Not so!
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—Not by a long shot.
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"CAN'T YOU READ?"
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—Don't panic!
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—You bet! ... Something magnificent ... Twice a week
now ... Really rudimentary ... Where
else?
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"Hey! CAN'T YOU READ?"
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—Don't panic!
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—I figured out it's easier to write than it is to read.
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"Can't you read?"
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—Don't panic!
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—What's wrong with this picture?
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"Yeah, that sign is for people who can read."
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—Don't panic!
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—You're overlooking something ... There's
nothing wrong with me – You're an asshole.
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"It is all random and unpredictable."
[Exaggerating or distorting your claims, then attacking the distortion]
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—Not so!
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—And don't add water ... This isn't England.
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"In order to understand what another person is
saying, you must assume that it is true and try to imagine what it could
be true of." (–George Miller; 1980)
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—DOGS, TOO!
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—What difference does it make? Everyone can swim under water.
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"The only meaning an utterance has
in the real world is the meaning the listener understands it to have."
(–Suzette Haden Elgin)
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—Not so!
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—Sumimasen! ... We're not that fancy ... It may
be so cheesy, we don't even want it.
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"So now you can get to work on your core passion."
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—DOGS, TOO!
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—It's like a pose.
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"What have you done to support new product development
in the past six months?"
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—DOGS, TOO!
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—You guys missed everything.
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"You used it's, the contraction of the two words, it is,
instead of its, the possessive form of the pronoun
it."
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—Regenerate it! I don't care.
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—Big mistake.
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"Now I'm going to have to kill the doorman."
[Alluding to some long-forgotten pissing contest]
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—Regenerate it! I don't care.
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— They're practiced in the art of deception.
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"I couldn't read him."
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—DOGS, TOO!
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—As if it even matters.
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"Are you anti-Semitic?"
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—Not so!
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—Stoned and toasted.
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"Do you read the Bible?"
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—DOGS, TOO!
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—Is it against the law?
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"Read this."
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—Don't panic!
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—Just the best parts.
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"Hi! How are you? I send you this file in order
to have your advice. See you later. Thanks." [An e-mail with an unknown
attachment]
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—Regenerate it! I don't care.
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—I'm so busy, I can't read this until the fall, ... and can you
please send this in a format I can read?
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"Two? Is that all you can take?"
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—Not so!
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—By any means.
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"Take your time!" [Sarcastically]
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—Regenerate it! I don't care.
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—Double check!
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"Take care! Keep your head up." [From a stranger
who just asked you for money]
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—Don't panic!
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—That's a pretty good start.
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"What do you mean? That's one block! You don't
need a taxi – You can walk right over there! What the hell is wrong
with you?"
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—DOGS, TOO!
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—It doesn't cost that much.
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"Yell at me, Chris!"
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—Regenerate it! I don't care.
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—Better than nothing.
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"You're kissing the right asses, that's for sure."
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—Not so!
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—It's just a funny thing.
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"I believe I'll understand everything at the moment
I die."
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—Regenerate it! I don't care.
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—That would really be tragic, wouldn't it?
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"You shouldn't have said that – We'd have
thought you were clever."
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—Not so!
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—You can try that when you go home.
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"I've got a butler." [Disparagingly]
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—Not so!
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—Different people do different things.
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"Where did your ancestors come from?"
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—DOGS, TOO!
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—It's just more parents.
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[Belch!]
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—Regenerate it! I don't care.
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—Bring that up at the next meeting!
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[Belch symphony]
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—Don't panic!
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—Now, here's this!
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[Belch chorus]
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—Regenerate it! I don't care.
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—The sound of the fisherman.
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[Belch finale]
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—Don't panic!
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—Years of experience.
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"Oh, he's using one of his famous comebacks."
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—Regenerate it! I don't care.
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—If Jesus could do it, you can, too.
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"This movie is just one cinematographic cliché
after another."
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—Regenerate it! I don't care.
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—Now you can endure your own suffering.
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"I don't want you parking in front of my house
– Go park someplace else."
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—Don't panic!
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—Lions, lions, lions, lions, lions ... Lions on stairs ...
Millionaires.
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"These two spots belong to us."
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—Not so!
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—It's just the law.
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"This is not a parking lot!"
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—Regenerate it! I don't care.
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—Why aren't YOU king of the jungle?
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[A recording from a parking lot ticket machine blasting
away in your ear]
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—DOGS, TOO!
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—Aw, blow it out your ass!
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"Does the gay marriage issue hurt your chances of advancing
in politics?"
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—DOGS, TOO!
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—"Some of the most miserable human beings I have ever met in
my life are in politics." (–San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom
on CNN, December 20, 2004)
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"Don't be evil."
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—DOGS, TOO!
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—Popping out an eyeball, stepping on it.
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"What's eating you?"
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—DOGS, TOO!
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—Nature's Babylonian behavior.
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"You're not eating anything?"
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—Not so!
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—It's a good place to stay healthy.
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"Your responses to insults make no sense at all.
Stick to driving a cab."
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—Not so!
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—Why try to get rich when you're already rich?
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28-MAY-1999. The two-word "wings" for flying back to yourself
are the important thing, not the follow-up. The "wings" are purposefully
brief, ambiguous, poetic, and powerful. As David Van Ness says, "This is
the Roach Motel for insults — 'They check in, and they don't check
out.' — It's a labyrinth — It spins them around in three
dimensions and leaves them right where they were. —This is no fun!
So they decide to go on down the road and check out the candy canes."
06-OCT-2014.
