"Never thought that so small woody exists."

—Remember that?

"Girls prefer real things, not toothpicks."

—She's the type who screams, "Put the lid down or I'll fall in!"

"Ritenour? Ritenour? What high school did you go to?"

—You're not cheated.

"Hello, smallest meat of the year, how are you?"

—It's subsidized.

"Thanks for thinking about me." [From one of the school's "mean girls."]

—Staring at people does not produce food ... It's not how you look at other people – It's how you look at yourself.

"I have an erection."

—Take a bottle of Jesus juice and shove it up your ass ... No exaggeration!

"Now I'm excited."

—And I thought you were Lockinvar – "Oh, what a tangled web we weave When first we practise to deceive." (–Derived from Canto VI, XVII, in the epic poem Marmion: A Tale of Flodden Field, by Walter Scott, Edinburgh, 1808)

"What is 'Slow gold?'"

—David Brooks says, "Think about the traits that creative people possess. Creative people don't follow the crowds; they seek out the blank spots on the map. Creative people wander through faraway and forgotten traditions and then integrate marginal perspectives back to the mainstream. Instead of being fastest around the tracks everybody knows, creative people move adaptively through wildernesses nobody knows." ("The Creative Monopoly," The New York Times, April 23, 2012)

"It's got you excited."

—Some people go a lot farther on their EQ than on their IQ.

"Someday, someday, but certainly not now, I'd like to learn how to have a conversation."

—You don't know what a solution is if you've never seen one.

"I've been on that bus; they're just as good as gold." [From the 2012 documentary, Bully – See also stargate22, intimidation, lying]

—Being authentic ... Every week.

"I'm sorry – I know I'm bothering you."

—Stop trying to get other people to be more important than you are!

"I'm sorry I'm bothering you."

—(If she's worried about you, she's getting you to believe she's important.)

"You know what? You're the best."

—Sometimes I wish I was a loud pushy person so you could hate me ... You could think about it that way, too.

"Aren't you a sweetheart?"

—Mean people can't stand it.

"Well, he did call you his sweetheart."

—The thrill is gone.

"You're cute when you're losing."

—Just once, dog! ... It won't kill you ... Most boring.

"I'm sure I'll get the usual wave of hate mail ('Duh, this has been around for years? Where have you been?') But I don't care. I didn't know the SkyDrive had been made so capacious and so free to all. It's worth the humiliation just to spread the word." (–David Pogue)

—Wearing short pants makes you feel vulnerable.

"God damn, I bet your dad'd be really shamed by you!" [A History of Violence, 2005]

—I was a man of action as a child.

"Yeah, puss – Run away!" [A History of Violence, 2005]

—Stay close, boys, and I'll think of something! ... Exactly what those little kids in grammar school hate, that's what you are!

"If you're so rich, you can treat me again."

—I like to feel I'm taking care of myself, but I know it's a delusion.

"Yeah! Tell it like it is, baby!"

—Okay, so? ... Did we do anything wrong?

"You're my big baby!"

—One family's enough.

"You're a woman!" [A woman striking out at her soon-to-be-ex-boyfriend]

—You know what isn't going to happen ... All my questions are answered ... Giving us a break ... It could be anybody, right? ... It's like blood feuds ... Parents are tyrants.

"Thank you, baby!"

—She probably keeps them in a lower drawer next to her sneakers.

"Come on, baby, I'm tired of talking – a little less conversation and a little more action."

—It's time to go! Musicians are supposed to be shaggy – It's part of the mystique.

"You're not working? No business?"

—I'm an importer of false eyelashes.

"You're the Antichrist."

—Not even that – It's just bad manners.

"You'll forget the way I look the minute ship leaves port."

—You and me, babe – how 'bout it?

["What else can you do?"] "You can give blowjobs."

—Get lost! ... Good-bye ... High hopes ... Oh, it's you! It's nice to have a little kitten.

"If we reduce high-level executive compensation, the University won't be able to retain or attract top administrators."

—You know how relatives are ... and they pretend they know something, that's the problem ... It goes back to ancient times ... Let Jesus do it! ... That kid is smart!

"You have an attitude for a houseboy."

—I'm not afraid of that ... I just wanted to see what's going on.

"You're just trying to make people angry."

—I think I'm beyond that ... You just can't believe a word they say.

"You're not going to like this one bit."

—Am I in the way?

"Don't blow it!"

—I hope I die in style.

"You shouldn't bring your baby into the pool without a diaper."

—It's not my baby, toots.

"Now you're talking out of your ass."

—Call the police.

"Cry me a river."

—It's water over the dam.

"Cry baby! Cry to somebody else, not me!"

—That was a cold cry.

"Baby! Baby! You are a baby!"

—So oppressive.

["Three weeks after I got married, I knew it was a mistake."] "Was that in San Francisco?" [Codeword for "Are you gay?"]

—That's a lot of real estate.

"You're getting spoiled."

—Why do I feel like a baby when I sense myself?

"You're doing better than me."

—For some reason that's a no-no.

"You're going home alone, aren't you?"

—The rich are where the money is.

"I'm being punished."

—It's easier to learn how to be happy than than it is to learn how to suffer ... So seek happiness, fool!

["How are you doing?" "All right."] "If you're just all right, I don't know if you're ready to go on the radio."

—Well, that's what you say, you know? ... Fantastic!

"I know what you're thinking."

—It's just what you're cooking up to torture yourself.

"What do you do, drive around all day thinking?"

—What do you want to ruin your life having fun for?

"What are you thinking?"

—You tell me first.

"WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?"

—Just one thing leads to another.

"Now you can get back to thinking big thoughts."

—There's a lot of them – There always have been.

"You've got the mentality of a twenty-year-old man." [Disparagingly ... (Sex!)]

—This generation is more open than people know – It's just the Church people left behind.

"[Senator Obama] sees America, it seems, as being so imperfect that he's palling around with terrorists who would target their own country [William Ayers, founder of the Weather Underground and confessed bomber, with whom Mr. Obama had a fleeting association] And, according to The New York Times, he was a domestic terrorist and part of a group that, quote, 'launched a campaign of bombings that would target the Pentagon and our U.S. Capitol.'" (–Governor Sarah Palin, October 6, 2008, inciting members of the audience at a Clearwater, Florida political rally to cry out, "Boooo!" "Treason!" "Terrorist!" "KILL HIM!")

—Let's not! ... You're an intelligent, growing mind ... I'm going to take you someplace nice.

"Everything always has to be black and white for you."

—You're confused.

"You're being unreasonable."

—I'm the one who's ruining the atmosphere of Happy Hollow ... It's my attitude ... It's no good.

"You're being a psychobitch!"

—I'm not afraid of you – I'm afraid of my mother!

"taxi1010 stupid! You're doing it wrong."

—Is this really evil?

"You're a nigger yourself."

—You're much too plantation oriented – And who isn't?

"Don't forget who you're talking to!"

—I don't know why, for a couple of thousand years, people can't see there's no god.

"It's a waste of gas." [Thursday rehearsal for a weekend Blue Angels air show]

—The room of rising fumes.

"Why are you giving me a citation?"

—You want to see what you're doing and get wise to it.

"The Polytechnic is history. Vietnam is history. Auschwitz is history. Hippies are history. Punks are history. God is history. Hollywood is history. The Soviet Union is history. My parents are history. My friend Joe is becoming history. I will become history. This fucking shithole planet will become history. Take more drugs." (–Christos Tsiolkas, extract from Loaded)

—They always miss one thing ... I can endure.

"You're not on the list." [Trans: You're not on the five-member task force]

—I wouldn't bother with people I don't like . . . I appoint you to be keeper of the flame.

"What are you doing over there? You're supposed to be over here!"

—That's none of my business.

"We're doing the basement, remember?"

—Save it!

"Life is a compromise."

—It's always better not to do anything permanent at first.

"Is there any compromise?"

—I hope you don't mind – I get angry, too.

"Compromise."

—There's safety in slowland, right?

"My God! You're so rich!" [Cash you carry to make change]

—As much as it hurts me ... but you have to pay me five dollars!

"Do I know you from someplace?"

—Let that be a lesson to you.

"Anything's possible."

—Even happiness?

"Nothing is impossible."

—They really believe that radio tubes are going to power locomotives – They must have a divine belief in their ability – It's delusions of grandeur.

"I had a nightmare – I dreamt I was back in the radio room."

—And you don't need it.

"Oh, go back to Ohio."

—I do worse things than you.

"Oh, my God! – This is really a nightmare."

—You have to put yourself first.

"People think they have to memorize everything."

—The big thing is in knowing who to avoid.

"You're a long ways from home."

—It would take a long time to paint a turtle on top of a bird on top of a snake on top of a heron, as seen from above.

"Now you're being smart with me."

—Breaking rules – Everyone has the right to be what they are!

"You better take care of yourself! You're lucky I don't kick your motherfucking ass!"

—MY GOOD MAN, I NEVER DID ANYTHING TO HARM YOU.

"Go back to San Francisco, man!"

—WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO ME THIS WAY?

"Probably molests little girls."

—Poor kids, no? How little we know.

"Only in San Francisco."

—At least LA is really dirty.

"Oh, pul-lease!"

—You know, you don't have to eat any of it if you don't like it.

"Are you a candidate for sainthood?" [From a well-dressed gentleman ambushing you at your car with an elaborate, swiftly changing story]

—Aaron T. Beck says, "There is more to the surface than meets the eye."

"They say he's the last Pope before the coming of the Antichrist."

—He's too nice to be the Pope.

"Is arrogance and unwavering self-regard the antidote to guilt?"

—You win – You win again – You're very tricky.

"You are being judgmental and petty."

—Me and my big mouth – How can you kill someone who's already dead?

"If the shoe fits, wear it."

—The shoe's on the other foot.

"You can't buy affection ... except maybe at pet stores."

—A dog from Africa! In the wilds of the north.

"You're too introspective."

—Are you holding it hostage?

"I've got a date with my husband."

—Too bad I wasn't just dreaming.

"Rich kids' school."

—It's one of the ways your tribe is allowed to express anger – You know, lording it over other people ... sending food back.

"I see a sad, lonely, angry, isolated boy."

—Even if he lives on Mars.

"Is it till death do us part?"

—That's what life is, pretending you're dead.

"I know what those guys are up to – I've seen it before."

—Why would they bury two people in one grave?

"They park there, saying they just can't hold it any longer."

—It's nice out.

"Then they go into the rest room and swap tickets with one of their buddies – That's why he's all angry."

—It's so nice out, I could leave it out all day.

"The guard knows all about it and won't let them back in line."

—All is revealed.

"See? That aggravates me."

—You'll do all right.

[Someone boring you to death at a party]

—Giraffes.

"You know, you don't take criticism well."

—It goes without saying.

"What did you spend it on?" [All your credit card debt]

—Lightning bugs.

"Don't spend it all in one place."

—The wishing well.

"Know-it-all."

—Another racket.

"Smart aleck, smarty-pants!"

—I'm surprised it's legal.

"I hate blondes; I hate all blondes."

—A specialist.

"The Supreme Court needs to be five to four in favor of God, not in favor of Norman Lear, NOW, NARAL and other Anti-God, Anti Marriage things, or this nation will get God real mad!" (–Pat Robertson)

—A university on the moon: Moon U.

"Israel is the root of evil."

—At least I'm not a lying pig ... I understand what goodness and decency are.

"I think we should allow more impartial studies to be done on this." (–President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad of Iran, questioning the evidence that the Holocaust ever happened, 20 Sep 2006)

—"I used to read, but it's faster to make up stuff." (–Dilbert)

"I don't believe the Holocaust ever happened."

—You're not only mixed up, but you're a nincompoop.

"It's not in the New Testament."

—The Bible is in you – You're not in the Bible.

"Blow me – It's show business."

—You can't be grown-up.

"You can start sucking my cock!"

—You bought a bad nightclub act for yourself.

["This is not an asthma symphony!" After asking you one question about your asthma, your mother thinks she can proceed with an unrelenting barrage of intimate questions about your asthma in front of your girlfriend]

—It's good when people know what they can't do.

[Someone reciting poetry in your face. (You can see this as one of the compulsive utterances of Tourette's syndrome) What they really want is attention; it's up to you which way you pay attention to them]

—In a hundred years it will be fabulous.

"Some people think they have to put on the glitter."

—There's only so much you can do.

"Well, I'm thrilled that you're happy."

—This is a good time to have a liberal-arts education.

"You're right – I'm wrong."

—Why should you be?

"I'm always wrong – You're always right."

—It's all a transference.

"What? You're leaving now? Aren't you going to stay and help with the dishes?"

—I learned it from you!

"Trying to be something that you're not."

—You know, you're a whole person – You don't want to get stuck in one part of you.

"You're still safe."

—Do you sit on the giant turtles?

"You're asking too many questions."

—Every day is the day of the dead.

"You're nothing."

—Just don't join the Nazi party.

"Suck my cock!"

—I bet you it's better – Unless you think you're God or something.

"You're not."

—It's an accommodation to nature that's successful.

"You're a woman!"

—You have to be quick.

"Bend over."

—Get a dog – A dog won't care if you're an asshole.

"You've already taken this class."

"Put a lid on it, Bozo."

—Bozo makes people laugh.

"Sorry to bore you."

—It all depends on what you take seriously.

"I was just being friendly."

—It means you're a very deep person ... Not too friendly, not too weird ... Very loyal ... For ever so many years ... Friendly is not the same thing as friends ... It can go just one way: we can be simple ... There's no work in relationships ... They're just people ... They either get along or they don't ... May your time machine not stop in the dark cave ... Hiding out in the basement sharing secrets with your best friend: sneaky and happy and honest ... The way you can bring back those wonderful days: living with a mystery.