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Patient refers to it as stargate-oh-six

A Belittler.2






Avoid entanglements. 

—Someone else.

Alla grandissima! A tribute. 

—Everyone's hungry.




Blind Conformity — When they want you to gang up on yourself, or on other people, here's how to reserve judgment.





[jealousy & rejection] - These people are "divine liars," totally ignoring you, as if they're above it all - They don't admit their dark side - They don't learn to be alone - They want long discussions just to torture you - Just realize, you don't have to - When something happens, they're suddenly stuck with all that - The least you're putting yourself out, the more they'll respect you.

The Age of Domination, ages 0-3




Exactly what someone said [or did]
... usually not very original.

The thoughts of a "bad child"
... to free your mind again.




["It would have happened even without Facebook."] "I disagree."

—Avoid entanglements.

—Well, anyway ... Why would you lie?

"I have to disagree with you."

—Someone else.

—People are living in different stages of history.

"I think we can agree to disagree."

Alla grandissima! A tribute.

—If not, that's good.

"I don't disagree."

—Everyone's hungry.

—I was born on the right side of the day.

"You used to know how to write. Now you are pushing trash!? You should be fired and replaced by somebody who has some clue what he's doing." (–Hate mail to David Pogue, June 21, 2012)

—Avoid entanglements.

—Have you ever looked at yourself in a mirror? ... Petty, sniveling, ruthless, horrible? ... No one is consumed by hatred unless they are terribly hurt ... When your heart's on fire, you light up the world.

"Jump!" [You're on a rooftop]

—Someone else.

—If you find my mind, don't tell me! ... Am I losing my mind?

"I'll pay you ten bucks for a jump."

—Someone else.

—It's not recommended ... If could damage the vehicle ... Our company doesn't allow it ... It'll burn out a three thousand dollar computer ... Call Triple A ... Lightning bolts! ... I'm not nice at my own expense ... Not anymore.

"I need you to help jump my truck."

—Someone else.

—Whatever you say, man! ... I'll never be as good as Dad!

"I think you stole it!" [His high school ring]

—Someone else.

—That isn't very Christian ... You're good already so you don't have to try to be good ... A given ... I'll take your advice to counsel ... I'll have to review it with an attorney.

"He's extremely fragile."

Alla grandissima! A tribute.

—Everyone has to treat you a certain way! ... Oh, he's a different case ... We'll see ... You've been wrong before.

"How'd you get into that?"

Alla grandissima! A tribute.

—Lightning bolts!

"It's interesting – How'd you get into that?"

Alla grandissima! A tribute.

—It's in my blood.

"How'd you wind up here?"

Alla grandissima! A tribute.

—My parents had sex – Isn't that the way it happens?

"It was so calm [In the previous school administration], and you could teach. No one was constantly looking over your shoulder." (–A teacher in a Midwestern elementary school, in a formal group teachers' meeting, making obliquely sarcastic comments to test the waters, as reported by John Tierney in "Can You Believe How Mean Office Gossip Can Be?" The New York Times, 3 November 2009)

Alla grandissima! A tribute.

—Oh, it's you! Sneaking around, huh? ... It's not as bad as it was.

"Penny: In choir that girl was sitting in front of us and we kept going, 'Moo.' ... Karen: We were going, 'Come here, cow; come here, cow.' ... Bonnie: I know. She is one ... Penny: She looks like a big fat cow ... Julie: Who is that? ... Bonnie: That girl on the basketball team ... Penny: That big red-headed cow ... Julie: Oh, yeah. I know. She is a cow." (–A group of eighth-grade girls in the cafeteria discussing an overweight classmate whose breasts they consider too large for her age, as reported by John Tierney in "Can You Believe How Mean Office Gossip Can Be?" The New York Times, 3 November 2009)

Alla grandissima! A tribute.

—It's getting squirrellier and squirrellier ... If you think about it, a squirrel is just a fancy kind of rat.

"It's an organization for real men." [The Masons]

—Everyone's hungry.

—It's inspiring, isn't it? – Just follow the rules.

"Whether he is celibate or not, the person who views himself as a 'homosexual person,' rather than as a person called to be a spiritual father – that person should not be a priest." (–The Rev. David Toups, the director of the secretariat of clergy, consecrated life and vocations of the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops)

—Everyone's hungry.

—They're really bossy, aren't they? ... Those people have no sense of humor ... What size is it?

«Dealing with insults from therapists»

—Everyone's hungry.

—Now that's a shock to the artistic mechanism ... Think about it! ... That intensity is good because you realize you've been holding onto it for a very long time and you're letting it out.

"What do you think our relationship is built on?"

Alla grandissima! A tribute.

—A little peace and quiet.

"Your friends are not always who you think they are."

Alla grandissima! A tribute.

—All your base are belong to us ... You are on the way to destruction ... HA, HA, HA, HA.

"A little superficial, isn't it?"

Alla grandissima! A tribute.

—From your point of view.

"What is your problem? – You have all the advantages in the world."

—Avoid entanglements.

—You have to play through.

"I understand ... You're not your brother's keeper."

Alla grandissima! A tribute.

—Don't allow yourself to wonder what you'll do next, and then you'll live into it.

"All it means is, you have more time to sit in front of a computer and play games."

—Avoid entanglements.

—A child molester may attack you.

"Larry, you're being inappropriate. You really are." (–Carrie Prejean, being pressed for information about a dispute on Larry King Live. In an 11 November 2009 interview, Mr. King asked the former Miss California USA why she had dropped her claims of religious discrimination, libel and slander against the Pageant. He insisted;. "Why settle since you had a fight to carry on?")

—Avoid entanglements.

—It's like the time of Edison, but to the thousandth.

"You're being extremely inappropriate." (–Carrie Prejean)

Alla grandissima! A tribute.

Long range ... Not many people have knapsacks at forty thousand feet.

"That's inappropriate."

—Avoid entanglements.

—It's funny who wants to get stuck on the farm and who doesn't.

"Who did you used to be?" [Belittling "Elderspeak"]

Alla grandissima! A tribute.

—A naked stranger ... Too bad Janice Joplin died ... Big shots! ... Navajo ... They all think I'm weird because I'm not seeking status in a prescribed manner.

"Jesus, you were stalking me now?"

—Avoid entanglements.

—You could hire an illegal immigrant.

"You're so superficial."

—Everyone's hungry.

—How easy it is to do things without doing anything.

"Got passed up again?"

—Avoid entanglements.

—You don't have to strive to be alive, because you are.

"Who needs you?"

Alla grandissima! A tribute.

Bitchy rednecks ... I don't even care anymore.

"I feel naked."

—Avoid entanglements.

—It's better if you don't freeze it.

[Someone on the cell phone, looking at you, though not talking to you after all]

—Someone else.

—There's a lot that's going on.

"Who knows what their rules are." [Wacky drivers]

Alla grandissima! A tribute.

—Be careful.

"Hey, who do you go to for taxes?"

—Everyone's hungry.

—Lucky for you people still get married.

"Are you dating someone from Danville?"

Alla grandissima! A tribute.

—You don't know how lucky I am.

"Why do people become ugly as they grow old?"

Alla grandissima! A tribute.

—There's a reason people drink wine in France.

"Oh! I thought you were Matt Schnider." [Who has a reputation for leaving work early]

—Someone else.

—He may feel it's the only way to relate to you.

"I heard the landlord telling you he was going to replace the back door."

—Avoid entanglements.

—Like a Daisy Cutter – all mixed up.

"I overheard the conversation."

Alla grandissima! A tribute.

—The fact too good to check.

"Have you ever heard of the American Vietnam War? American GI? Boom!"

—Everyone's hungry.

—When I was little.

"Hey, Richard, how's it hanging?"

—Everyone's hungry.

—The die is cast, as they say.

"Uh-oh! Trouble in paradise?"

—Avoid entanglements.

—The ones who bray at the moon whenever the sun is out?

"Oh, I saw your card; it's very nice. Did you scan a picture of Sam and then trace it?"

Alla grandissima! A tribute.

—You can't scare me.

"I was just wondering; my students do that."

—Everyone's hungry.

—That must be disappointing.

"Excuse me, are you the lady in charge of the coffee?" (–spoken to Naomi Halas, Rice University)

—Someone else.

—Oh, I like your work very much.

"I don't want to put something on the web, where it will be seen as inconsequential by people of power and influence, ignored by inconsequential people, or even read by inconsequential people – I want to exert my will upon the people of influence ... upon the movers and shakers!"

Alla grandissima! A tribute.

—One of these days they'll change your name to Alcoa.

"He's nothing; he's really inconsequential." [Your father]

Alla grandissima! A tribute.

—That's the trouble with having a lot of money.

"You copycat!"

Alla grandissima! A tribute.

—Just like you.

"I'm an atheist."

Alla grandissima! A tribute.

—What strikes your awe?

"I pity you."

Alla grandissima! A tribute.

—Not all tears are the same.

"What are you doing for Thanksgiving?"

—Everyone's hungry.

—Feeding a child – That's the definition of good.

"Well, it's really not cheating – He just didn't cite all the sources."

—Everyone's hungry.

—That's a real help.

"Are you a showgirl or a stripper?"

—Someone else.

—You know, I never thought of that – We're getting a screen.

"Well, you're a San Francisco taxi driver – You're a tourist when you drive over here."

—Avoid entanglements.

—It doesn't have to be good – It's what you're doing.

"Everything you're saying is a dodge."

—Everyone's hungry.

—And you don't even wonder why.

"Before she died, your mother told the entire town you were gay."

—Everyone's hungry.

—Deeply concerned.

"I like your faggot shoes."

—Everyone's hungry.

—Tell me about it!

"You wouldn't touch my wife, would you?"

—Everyone's hungry.

—Not without your go-ahead.

"I really feel sorry for Gina."

Alla grandissima! A tribute.

—I try and stay out of the way.

"How's she feel about that?"

Alla grandissima! A tribute.

—It's really deep.

"Don't you think she's a saint?"

—Everyone's hungry.

—I've always thought that.

"I must be losing my mind!"

—Avoid entanglements.

—Never again!

"However, I've also said a few other things about Evans' book: that when I prescribe that book to my clients, I also tell them that I think the author is herself angry (self-righteous), and is too hard on abusers (does not understand them). I've written articles about being 'stuck in anger' and being in 'VictimThink' based on my take of her work. This is only a partial summary of my mostly negative take of her work (except as per above), which I've written about across the site. My impression has only strengthened based on how she handled Becky's e-mail warning and how she (didn't) handle me. Add self-important to my laundry list. Ps: You don't have to agree with me."

—Everyone's hungry.

—Just like the pyramids.

"You're not my therapist."

—Everyone's hungry.

—I don't have a beak.

"That's alright." [Refusing your business card]

—Avoid entanglements.

—I could live without the whole thing.

"No sale, not today."

—Someone else.

—Some do, some don't.

"Close, but no cigar."

—Someone else.

—Just lighting a match is nothing if it doesn't light up the whole world.

"All these seats are saved."

—Everyone's hungry.

—That's what happens.

[Someone playing favorites and not playing fair]

—Everyone's hungry.

—The same to you!

["What line of work are you in?"] "Who, me?"

—Everyone's hungry.

—And watch yourself at all times!

"Who asked you?"

—Everyone's hungry.

—I don't think I would be interested.

"The last person who did that was Alan Hevisi."

—Someone else.

—This is between you and me.

"Hey Icarus, who was the girl in the car with you?"

—Someone else.

[See Icarus and the Gutter Snipe]

"Sir! Sir! Who is your employer?" [From some self-styled security guard]

Alla grandissima! A tribute.

—There's not many, so it doesn't matter.

"You don't know who I am."

—Avoid entanglements.

—Only psychotic people don't see behind things.

"Who the fuck do you think you are?"

—Someone else.

—A stork brought you, but a blackbird smashed me on the Earth.

"He was in the sock drawer the whole time."

—Someone else.

—Is your foot over Bugs Bunny's hole?
























Fweequentry Axed Kwestians


"How's your Suburu?"


Someone asked my friend Adam, "How's your Suburu?" He had to explain he doesn't actually have a Suburu. I was really glad to overhear this exchange, because for the first time, I felt I wasn't alone.


"How's business?"


This question is so intimidating. When someone asked me this question this afternoon, upon seeing me floundering for a response, he added, "I mean, is it different from three years ago?"


"What are their names?"


No good has ever come from this question. No one has ever said, "Oh, those are great names for a Scottie and a Westie! Would you like to come to a party tonight? Some terrific girls are looking for you!"


"Paper or plastic?"


I try to reach beyond this question. For the longest time, I just said, "—Doesn't matter." Then one day it occurred to me to ask the grocer, "Well, what would be easiest for you?" He said, "Paper. It's easier for me to load these cans of dog food into paper." A few days later, another clerk said, "Plastic. They cost us much less, and the handles don't break."


"Do you know UNIX?"


This question makes me want to cry. Twice published, once in a refereed journal, with eighteen years experience as a systems programmer, including three on a VAX, I never understood why they were asking this — For "vi" experience? Knowledge of queuing algorithms inside the kernel? Systems Administration? Shell scripting? And if the latter, for which shell? Korn shell? Bourne shell? C shell? — I'd gaze quizzically at them, and say, "I guess so." After a while I just started driving a cab.


"Have you had any Windows experience?"


"What kind of cheese?"


I asked the waiter what were my choices. I wrote them down, left the restaurant, and went to the grocery store. Okay. Monterey Jack, Sharp Cheddar, Swiss, and Provolone — I spent about thirty dollars for the cheeses, a pound of Ground Sirloin, and a few things for the dogs. Now. The four burgers tasted pretty much the same, except I gave the leftover Provolone and Cheddar burgers to Achilles and Paris.


"What's the weather going to be this weekend?"


I've got this one down cold. "They don't know," I said brightly to the lady in the back seat of my cab. She did not like the idea of talking to a cab driver, I can tell you that. "They • don't • know," she repeated slowly.


"You go to work now or you go home?"


Fortnightly, I pick up my washed, starched, ironed and folded shirts from a Thai lady. I always say, "No starch," but it never does any good. "The Other," I replied, "... When you work, work hard, and when you play, don't work at all!"


20-MAY-1999. In my Verbal Self-Defense Workshops I come back to an overview again and again and again. Two kinds of people have enormous difficulty learning a new paradigm for responding to verbal assault. The first kind is a person who, very simply, doesn't have any ideals. They simply see life as a sort of game in which you go around copying people until you can get the better hand. The second kind is someone who is unconsciously addicted to verbal violence. The only reason they come to my workshop is to sharpen their arrows, and I don't really give them any help.

The biggest complaint I get is that the responses I teach have too many meanings! "But what does that response really mean?" they ask over and over. They don't immediately grasp that a response with one sharp meaning (an arrow) simply leads to a further exchange of arrows. For example, if someone uses either of the responses, "Grow up!" or "Drop dead!" (neither of which I teach) the other person can immediately shoot back, "—YOU could."

As an experiment, I asked one of my sharp-witted students to tell me what he would say if someone said, "Who the fuck do you think you are?" He immediately responded, "Yo' mama!"

"How did you know that response?" I asked him. He told me he learned it as a kid in New York. "So why can't a person spend a little time to learn something else as an adult?" I replied. Then I asked him to pretend he was a corporate CEO and to ask me the same question.

"Okay," he said, changing his voice to that of a CEO. "Who the fuck do you think you are?"

Alla grandissima! A tribute.

—Someone else.







As follows

CODE WORDS: abusers, advantages, alright, atheist, author, become, brother's, built, [cell], choir, cigar, cite, copycat, disagree, dodge, entire, [favorites], feel, fragile, games, hanging, herself, how'd, however, impression, inappropriate, inconsequential, jump, jump-start, keeper, lady, losing, landlord, Matt, moo, nobody's, organization, overheard, paradise, passed, pity, priest, pushing, relationship, saint, sale, saved, scratches, self-important, self-righteous, shoes, shoulder, showgirl, sock, sources, spiritual, stalking, stole, stripper, summary, superficial, Thanksgiving, therapist, therapists, touch, tourist, trace, Vietnam, warning, who, wondering



Alla grandissima! A tribute.