— Non-escalating Verbal Self-Defense


"Daily Web Site teaches you how to defend yourself with words."








Essays | Links



User's Guide

Aim | Art

Tricks | BackYard

Site Map






Daily Splash!

Ideas | IngleNook




For Kids!








"You look retarded."


—That's all?
—Don't talk to me – My friends will laugh at me.


"You're like a hockey puck that's kind of slow."


—That's all?
—It makes you feel you've been pissing on the wrong tree.


"That was really dumb."


Could be.
—In ways you haven't thought of for years.


"You're as dumb as you look."


—I'm sure.
—I'm a bad influence, right?


"Can I ask you another question?"


—Really scary!
—Another one?


"If your IQ were six points higher, you could be a plant."


—Saved again!
—I'm trying to figure out if that's a compliment or an insult.


[Start at
the top]


"If you had half a brain, you'd be dangerous."


—It's chilling.
—Resourceful and spontaneous.


"And I thought I was stupid."


Could be.
—I'm sure you can figure it out.


"Even a woman should be able to grasp basic economics."


—The opposite.
—It's all the things they never talked about when I was little.


"It's not rocket science."


—Well, okay!
—In your back yard.


"It's not brain surgery."


—Well, okay!
—It'll take a little while.


"To the Nikko Hotel, nice and straight."


—Well, okay!
—I'm fixin' to.



"You're so stupid!"


—Just imagine.
—Like wild strawberries.


"You never even heard of the IRS?"


—Never mind!
—Whatever's necessary.


[Start at
the top]


"Have you ever taken the wrong exit before?" [From a passenger]


—Not often.
—Very frustrating.


"Whatever you say."


—Doesn't hurt.
—Whatever it is, it's good.




—Doesn't hurt.
—Having a nice time is the only safe thing.


"Whatever you think."


—Not often.
—Without even knowing it.


"Did we ask for your opinion?"


—Sour grapes.
—Well, you could try the Internet.


"Have a little respect for your elders, will you?"


—Doesn't hurt.
—You mean in 8000 BC?


"It's just like anything else."


—No worse!
—It's all jungle.


"That's one possibility."


—One's enough.


[Start at
the top]


"If what you have to say can't improve the silence, please say nothing at all."


—Just imagine.
—This is not an Indian burial ground.


"I beg your pardon?"


—Small world.
—Sorry it breaks your rule.




—Staggering, huh?
—You're smarter than that.


"Do birds fly? Do fish swim?"


—Staggering, huh?
—How did THAT happen?


"You don't know where that is? — That's scary."


—Protect yourself!
—Having a good mind in this culture is a handicap.


"Don't you know everything?"


—If only.
—It's better to be a moron who knows you're a moron than to think you're smart.


["They turned on the tower clock!"] "Now everyone knows what time it is."


—Never mind!
—This is a great discovery.


[Start at
the top]


"You don't know how to get to Burlingame Avenue?"


—We'll manage.
—There are lots of little things – You're not bad if you don't know them.


"You don't know that? Didn't they teach you that at Dartmouth?"


—Just imagine.
—Little do you know.


"It's your mind I like — Say something smart."


—What else?
—A list of things to do in Portland:
(1) Get out.


See also,


"That was smart." [Sarcastically]


—What else?
—Not all the time.


"You're a moron."


—Very simple.
—If you say something and someone can prove it's wrong, then you're a criminal.


"You moron!"


—Very simple.
—You're slipping.


"Do you know who that is?"


—And more!
—Who wouldn't?


[Start at
the top]


"Do you know where it is?"


—And more!
—I may be crazy, but I'm not stupid.


"You're not going to go on 9th Street?"


—Not always.
—That's another story.