— BackYard




"It's a Grave Mistake to Leave Out Things from the Past."


As a teenager, when light, sex and pleasure converge, you're catapulted into a world of posturing, hurt and reality. You're way better off sticking to perceptions of outside physical reality, slyly acknowledging real pain, both in yourself and in others, clearing the pipes of your own anger with appropriate releases, and going by what you decide is good for you. Then you can have a lot of fun!


Main Index ==> Click picture.

People are afraid they'll say the wrong thing, or they won't say enough. The way out is to say the "wrong thing!" — that is, to practice little scripts. After a while, you'll loosen up.

In all the attacks below, remember the underlying question being asked by the other person is, "Do you like me?"

It's best to say very little. Click the pictures or anywhere else for a script.



#. 1010, in my office! • 187 Miss Murphy!" [Graffiti meaning, "Kill Miss Murphy!"] • 80's an A in Canada. • $&@%# right!


A. A boy named Sue! • A bunch of goddam potheads! [Pretending that's what you're thinking] • A good life is the best revenge. • A little bit of a chicken. • A man needs a woman for confidence. He gets a boost on the job, career, with other men, and everywhere else when he knows inside he has someone to spend the night with and who is also a friend. (–George Sodini) • A man without a wife is but half a man. (–Benjamin Franklin) • A monkey could do that job. • A sense of humor is knowing what's important. • Achieving critical mass. • After meeting dozens of contacts, it dawned on me that all these prospects were always cordial and welcomed me even when they had no interest in my product, and I was never treated with disrespect. I suddenly realized that these prospects were fine people, and it dawned on me that I had no reason to think badly of anyone. It was a very positive discovery in my contacts with people. (–Laurence Gray Sprunt, "The Past ... A Stairway to the Future," Wrightsville Beach Magazine, April 2012, p. 38) • Ain't gonna help a nigger out any way. [From a beggar stalking you on the street] • Airport people are fun to work with. • All of this is highly complex and difficult to understand. • All people are liars. • All perceptions of beauty arise from the genitals. [Groping his crotch, attempting to perform a hootchy-kootchy dance] • All the other cabs take Eddy Street to 5th Street. • All we have to do is tighten it up just a little bit. • All you have to do is let the shit come out of your ass! [Telling jokes as you're going into the bathroom] • Allah-u-Akbar! – God is Great! [And then they start murdering] • And? • And, frankly, anyone who assumes that simply because someone uses humor, satire or irony to address a political situation, they are not serious about that situation, is a fool. • And how far along would you say is that project? • And how's that work out for you? • And they're right! • And we remember Earl Scruggs to this day; whereas the Kingston Trio had one or two hits and that's it. [Snide comment by commentator on National Public Radio] • And what about gay guys? Any gay guys on the 49ers? (–Artie Lange, January 28, 2013 :: You have to be careful; 49ers cornerback Chris Culliver wasn't prepared for this kind of trickery) • And what are you doing tomorrow? • And why are the rich shouldering the blame for a collective run of bad decision-making? After all, many of the rich got there through hard work ... 'People who get caught up in this paranoia ... haven't done anything to better themselves,' Dr. Dammann said, 'Even if they're right, there is a lot of wasted energy put into this. They need to look at the mistakes they've made in their life.' (–Paul Sullivan, "All This Anger Against the Rich May Be Unhealthy," NYT, October 17, 2009) • Any of the 'Practice Papers' left on my coffee table I used or the notes in my gym bag can be published freely. I will not be embarrassed, because, well, I will be dead. (–George Sodini) • Any stories for me? • Any thoughts as to why you're so unpopular? • Apparently, this fatty seems to think she can hang. The Medina Division made better tactical decisions. • Are women's reality shows neo-vaudeville or might they suggest a useful anatomy of hatred? I wouldn't watch so many if I didn't believe both were true. (–Virginia Heffernan) • Are you? • Are you a native? • Are you about finished? I need to brush my teeth. • Are you afraid? • Are you blind or something? You missed the turn! • Are you coming for someone? Are you picking somebody up? • Are you done? [You're literally twenty feet away from the ATM] • Are you done eating? [From the beggar you gave a few dollars to on the way into the restaurant, intercepting you the way out] • Are you driving the van? • Are you enjoying that? [Pulling a heavy load up the stairs] • Are you fat enough? • Are you feeling okay, Richard? • Are you finding everything all right? • Are you finding everything okay? • Are you gay? • Are you gay? [From your mother, who's trying to "out" you before she dies] • Are you :: gay? || straight? || married? || putting on a little weight? || pregnant? || the red Jeep over there? || a smoker? || a nonsmoker? || too good for us now? || happy? || a Democrat? || a Republican? || right wing? || left wing? || a voter? || one of those hippies? || going to eat that? || hungry? || leaving? || in line? || smarter than we'll ever hope to be? || a rich guy? || being smart with me? || going to be late? || on time? || early? || still here? || going to pick that up? || taking full responsibility for this? || an artist? || on the rag? || laughing at me? || a student? || the pilot? || born again? || just a housewife? || stupid? || an airhead? || suggesting something? || a witness to our times? || saying I am? || a history major? || the expert now? || a Christian? || a Jew? || taking a nap? || on duty? || using that? || done with that? || German? || French? || old enough? || drunk? || on drugs? || from Japan? || from China? || an accountant? || a Giants fan? || a writer? • Are you going to B or to 1? • Are you happy, Maria? • Are you having trouble hearing what I'm saying? • Are you headed for University Avenue? • Are you in a bad mood today? • Are you laughing at me? • Are you leaving? Hey! • Are you leaving that girl alone? • Are you mad-dogging me? • Are you making fun of me? • Are you not going [to the party] because Jack is not going? • Are you obsessive? • Are you picking someone up or are you available? • Are you prepared? • Are you ready for some football? Are you ready for some football? [Over-the-top excitement] • Are you responsible for this? • Are you somebody, or do you take salary? [What a certain Swiss aristocrat would say to greet people. –Dan] • Are you still working on your scaloppini? • Are you talking to me? • Are you the designated slut? [Abusive dialog from] • Are you thinking what I'm thinking? • Are you trying to get out? • Are you trying to stir up some shit? • Are you two going to start sucking each other's dicks? • Are you wearing black to protest oil spills? • Are you working tonight? [Here are the facts: 1. You're a server; 2. You're placing an order at the bar; 3. It's nighttime; 4. They're so busy living from their emotions, they have trouble observing anything in outside physical reality; 5. It makes you feel you're somehow being glossed over; 6. That's probably the way they feel all the time] :: WildCard-4 • Aren't you a little old to be here? • Aren't you Walt Disney? • As a mom, I am thrilled that my daughter wants to read all of The Babysitter Club books because I don't have to worry about anything inappropriate happening in the stories. (–Julie Peterson, mother of two in Mechanicsburg, Pa., who blogs at Booking Mama) • As long as you're happy. • As someone interested in a career in public health – a field focused on prevention and carrying out sustainable, long-term interventions – I am constantly quizzed about why I am not pursuing medicine if I am interested in really helping people. Why would I limit myself? (–Erika Ruben, St. Louis, June 19, 2013, as published in The New York Times, "For the Graduate, Just One Word: Reality," June 24, 2013) • As to pranks that were played back then, I don't remember them all, but again, high school days, if I did stupid things, why, I'm afraid I've got to say sorry for it. (–Mitt Romney, in a Fox News radio interview with Neil Cavuto, May 10, 2012) • As you can guess, unfortunately, I'm going to be using a credit card. • At any time if you feel at risk if you feel a situation is escalating. • At least we have a level playing field here in America – Anyone can make it, you know? • At least you're a good sport. • At least you're having fun. [Talking about some pursuit of yours (e.g., music, blog, etc.), after it comes out (usually by their prying) that it doesn't make you any money] (–Daniel) • Atta girl! [To a guy making a presentation in a prep school classroom, from the school bully] • Attacks: What to do/say when somebody disses you (weird, have a look) [Link from Gift Wrap – Monthly Newsletter for Gifted Teenager, Nov '02]


B. Back for more, huh? • BAD! ... BAD! ... BAD! [Including vigorous finger wagging, from a wacky pedestrian] • Bad things can happen in good places. (–Rodney Erickson, president of Penn State, October 2012) • Bang, bang, get out of here. [A copy of your own photo with threatening words inscribed below] • Be here now. • Be my guest. • Because of all the Blacks voting in Vermont. [Sarcastically] • Because we all like poo-poo. • Because you're a moron. • Berkeley Tenants Survey 2009 ... (25.) What was the approximate total income for your entire household before taxes in 2008? ... (42.) The first 400 people to return their completed survey will receive a [five dollar] gift card for one of the following Berkeley businesses. (circle the business you prefer) (A.) Peet's Coffee & Tea (B.) Pegasus Books. • Best verbal defence. • Best verbal defense. • Better get back to work on that. • Beyoncé Knowles should have won instead, for 'Single Ladies.' [Someone grabbing the microphone from you, during your acceptance speech] • Black people are constantly being stopped, searched, harassed, publicly humiliated, assaulted, arrested, and sometimes killed by police officers in this country for no good reason. (–Bob Herbert, "Anger Has Its Place," NYT, August 1, 2009) • Bogus! • Boomers Hit Another Milestone Of Self-Absorption: Turning 65 ... They are living longer, working longer and, researchers say, nursing some disappointment about how their lives have turned out. The self-aware, or self-absorbed, feel less self-fulfilled, and thus are racked with self-pity. (–Dan Barry, The New York Times, January 1, 2011) • Breathtaking! Roam around for a couple. [Link from Las Vegas Fixed Gear - the happy hour thread, to] • Bring a note from your mother. • But they didn't go to Dartmouth. • But you can't name the third one? [Moderator (and unseen TV Producer) following up Governor Rick Perry's unscripted "Commerce, Education and the, uh, what's the third one there, let's see ..." in a CNBC presidential debate] (–John Harwood, "'Oops' Moment Takes On a Life of Its Own," The Caucus – The Politics and Government Blog of The Times, The New York Times, November 13, 2011) • But you do whatever you want with it. • Butler's a little bulldog, huh? You're better than me, but here we come!


C. Cab driving? A monkey could do that job. • Call from ... Oxford Law. [Caller-ID announcement off your answering machine] • Call the human flesh search engines! [Chinese activist] • Calvin, why are we both failures? • Camel jockey! • Can I get you ... ? • Can I get you anything? [From a cute waitress] • Can I hold it a second? [Your going-away trophy] • Can I just see what your earphones sound like? • Can I see what you look like down there? • Can I try out your earpods for just forty-five seconds? – I want to test them to see if something's wrong with mine. [Five days later a technician at Apple Computer finds earwax plugging his left earpod – That's what he hadn't looked for or seen – CONTRARY TO WHAT YOUR KINDERGARTEN TEACHER MIGHT HAVE TAUGHT YOU, YOU DON'T HAVE TO SHARE!] • Can I use it after? • Can you call them? – You don't have a cell phone? • Can you get one more? • Can you help me with something to eat? • Can you lend me a hundred dollars? • Can you not hear me? Are your ears fat, too? • Can't take the heat. • Can't you get one bigger? [Your really big pickup truck] • CAN'T YOU READ? • Carry on! • Cheerios. • Come on, baby, I'm tired of talking – a little less conversation and a little more action. • Come on, cabbie! • Come on, come on, come on! She need to close the window! She needs to close the window and go home! • Come to my office. • Congratulations! • Could we please have at least one of these 'brainiacs' work on something beneficial to humanity? We are being entertained to death. (–Peter Muellner, Washington, 16 March 2010) • Could you call a number for me? • Could you give me a fifteen-minute capsule sketch of your entire philosophy?


D. Dang it, these fit everywhere but my thighs! I wish my legs weren't so huge. (–Harvested from "'Fat Talk' Carries a Cost," by Jan Hoffman, The New York Times, 28 May 2013) • David Daniels had his own sickness to deal with. • David, you're a complete f**king assh**e. • Dealing with insults from therapists. • Dealing with mean people. • DEAR RICHARD HART ... PINNACLE CREDIT SERVICES LLC HAS PURCHASED THE ABOVE REFERENCED ACCOUNT FROM THE ABOVE REFERENCED PREVIOUS CREDITOR ... AS OF THE DATE OF THIS LETTER YOU OWE $12182.89 .... • Defend friend bully rude comeback school. • Define single. [On a provocative T-shirt] • Desperate. • Dicksplash! • Did everything come out all right? [Telling jokes as you're coming out of the bathroom] • Did he knock that out of your hand? • Did it cost fifty dollars? [Scornfully] • Did you call me a nigger? [Coming and standing right in your face] • Did you ever have an accident? • Did you find that waitress sexy? • Did you get into Yale [Law School] only because you're Puerto Rican? [Interviewer at a law firm improperly grilling Sonia Sotomayor, who later became a Supreme Court Justice; he later congratulated her for having responded evenly, without getting all emotional, which she further took to be a sexist attack; she took his law firm to court] :: WildCard-9 • Did you go through my jewelry box? :: WildCard-7 • Did you know you snore? :: WildCard-5 • Did you leave a few bucks on the lid? – Just kidding! [After using the men's room at a roadside gay bar] • Did you like them? [All the the Sufi books by Idries Shah] • Did you move your old vacuum cleaner? • DID YOU SEE MY LIGHTS? • Did you sleep with her? • Did you sleep with her yet? • Did you take him to the vet? • Did you understand what I {said || explained || told you}? [Belittling "Elderspeak"] • Didn't they tell you to come down to the other door? • Do everyone a big favor and go sit in your room. • Do I like you? • Do I look like a Dave Matthews fan? • Do I look like I need to watch my weight? • Do we exude Canadian? • Do what you're told! • Do you always keep your dogs in your car? • Do you come out this way much? • Do you feel more relaxed now than you did when you came in? • Do you hate the World Bank? You don't hate the World Bank. You're mad at your father. You just want daddy to hug you more. • Do you have a boyfriend? • Do you have a friend? – Someone you talk to? • Do you have a girlfriend? • Do you have a girlfriend? • Do you have a pen in your purse? • Do you have a question? [You're immersed in reading something & they're trying to steal your attention] • Do you have cables? • Do you have issues? • Do you have someone? • Do you know where CellOne is? • Do you know you're in a crosswalk? [From a wacky pedestrian] • Do you like children? [From a child] • Do you like kids? :: WildCard-4 • Do you like pomegranates? • Do you like your SUV? • Do you own your own cab? • Do you really believe the things you say? • Do you really think you need another one? • Do you see what a pain-in-the-ass she is? [Sideswiping his own wife] • Do you speak for me? • Do you think there are things David Daniels didn't say?Do you think they sag too much? • Do you think you're a real man now? • Do you want to say hello to Richard? – He wants someone to say hello to him, to acknowledge his existence. • Do you want to see how I've become a cowboy? • Do you wear a kilt? • Doctor's orders? Is it a psychiatrist? • Does it mean anything? • Does it really matter? • Does that help with tips? • Doesn't confirmed bachelor mean gay? • Doesn't mind being insulted, so .... • D'oh! • Don't be a dick. • Don't be a fucking ass! • Don't be an asshole! ... Just saying. • Don't cut off your nose to spite your face. • Don't do anything unusually stupid. [Dialogue from Avatar]Don't forget to like yourself. • Don't forget your man-purse! • Don't get into too much trouble out there. • Don't get lost out there. • Don't go ahead of me! Wait for me! Wait for me! [From a furious person in a wheelchair, to the restaurant host, who's slowly leading the way to tables out on the patio] • Don't judge me – Then you're smaller. • Don't let anyone insult your spouse. • Don't let it strangle you! • Don't look so happy. • Don't pick anybody up – It could be the lonely stranger who badly needs a friend. • Don't talk to Richard; Richard is MY friend. • Don't tell my wife. • Don't you hate back-seat drivers? • Don't you know there's a war on? • Don't you look at me like that!


E. Eighty dollars! [Telling you the price of a ham & cheese deli sandwich] • Especially for you I gave up smoking. • Especially for you I left my mother. • Even if you go out and shoot yourself, no one will miss you! • Even Jimmy Carter would have given that order [to kill Osama Bin Laden]. (–Mitt Romney, April 30, 2012) • Even though she is a little fat, she has a nice shape. [A vicious aside to a friend] • Everybody lies. • Everyone feels sad that he's gone. • Everyone's nice when they're asleep. • Everything seems to be a target for him. • Excluding discrimination, being offended by something that had no malice behind it is stupid, and only serves in raising people on their illusionary high-horse shaped pedestals. Just let them know that. (–Bonaqua at Reddit) • Excuse me – Are you talking to me? • Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me! I've been trying to get a check for twenty minutes and I've got a movie. [a restaurant patron lying about any time spent] • Excuse me, we're going to SFO, right? • Excuse me, you're not first!


F. Failure is not an option. • Fancy that. • Find someone your own age. • Fish-face. [From the 2012 documentary, Bully – See also stargate22, intimidation, lying] • For a successful anti-bullying program, the school needs to survey the children and find out the details – where it happens, when it happens. (–Perri Klass, M.D., "At Last, Facing Down Bullies (and Their Enablers)," The New York Times, 9 June 2009) • For every atom belonging to me as good belongs to you. (–Walt Whitman, "Song of Myself") • For some of us. • Freak you! [Middle school talk] • From where? [From one of the school's "mean girls."] • Fuck off! • Fucking faggot!


G. Get a spine!! I've had breast cancer, a mastectomy and chemo, with minor health coverage and survived it ... Get a minnie mouse bandage and go to sleep. (–RuxP.) • Get up and do what you're told! • Getting wet? [You're wearing a poncho; you're close to home; it's really raining] • Girls prefer real things, not toothpicks. • Give it to him hard! [From the 2012 documentary, Bully – See also stargate22, intimidation, lying] • Give it to Richard. [Some food they're rejecting and sending back to the kitchen] • Give me five dollars. [Blocking your way into the restaurant] • GIVE ME THAT COCA-COLA CAN! – ONE, TWO, THREE ... [Overhearing an eleven-year-old boy threatening his eight-year-old sister] • Go back to your own country! • Go hang yourself. • Go on! Go on! What are you waiting for? [Furiously yelling at you] • Go step in front of a cement mixer, okay? • Go write. • God damn, I bet your dad'd be really shamed by you! [A History of Violence, 2005] • Going home? • Good luck with your theory. • Good verbal comebacks for a 14 year old. • Good-bye, now! [From behind you – as you're leaving a store] • Got your license? • GREAT TITS! [From a car window] • Grow your small dick. • Guys driving Corvettes are just saying they have big dicks. :: WildCard-10


H. Hard and raw verbal comebacks. • Has anyone famous ridden in your cab? • Hate is never a family value. • Have a good one. • Have you done your homework? • Have you ever been robbed? • Have you ever been taken out of context? • Have you figured it out? • Have you really tried to look for a job? Where did you go? • He could pick up some tips from you then. • He doesn't want to be friends with you? • He felt a little hurt. • He hasn't figured out, in 15 years of cab driving, that if he showed up on time he wouldn't get asked that question? • He [Mr. Obama] says marvelous things. He just hasn't done them. (–Mitt Romney, August 25, 2012) • He [Mr. Obama] takes his political inspiration from Europe, and from the socialist Democrats in Europe. (–Mitt Romney, September 22, 2011) • He said something about my mother. • He uses a live body shield, huh? • He was a charlatan. • He was indoctrinated as a child. His father was a communist. His mother was a leftist. He was sent to prep and Ivy League schools where his contempt for the country was reinforced. (–Rush Limbaugh, referring to Barack Obama, July 16, 2012) • He was sick in his own way. • He's a geek! [Geek - noun - 1. an odd or ridiculous person. 2. a carnival performer whose show consists of bizarre acts, such as biting the head off a live chicken. From Middle Low German, geck, fool.] • He's a major pain-in-the-ass. [Sideswiping her own husband] • He's extremely fragile. • He's frustrated because he cares about the small people and we care about the small people. (–BP Chairman Carl-Henric Svanberg after Mr. Obama's speech on the Gulf oil spill) • He's like most men: rude, lazy, fastidious, and ignorant. • He's really got you trained, doesn't he? • He's so laid-back. • Hello. [From a complete stranger – When you look up, you see their face is startlingly disfigured] • Hello, dog. • Hello, smallest meat of the year, how are you? • Here comes three-fifths! Hey, fraction! • Here we are again. • Here you go, dear – Appreciate it. [Paying for a taxi ride] • Here's a twenty and two cents. [Simultaneously handing you a ten-dollar bill and two pennies] • Here you go – It's eight. [Cheating you! -- Giving you seven one-dollar bills, that you're not supposed to count] • Hey, 1010! 1010! [From a sadistic cab driver] • Hey, 1985 Madonna, are you gonna get the person who did that? ... [Abusive dialog from] • Hey! Airport moving? • Hey, ass-wipe! • Hey, boss! You're late! • Hey, buddy, if you don't apologize to me, you're going to have a serious fucking problem. • Hey! CAN'T YOU READ? • Hey! Clear the bicycle way! [Pounding on your cab] :: WildCard-5 • Hey, didn't you used to have a blog? • HEY – Don't blame me for the wound in your crotch. • Hey, don't get your panties in a bunch. • Hey, fat ass! – Fucking emo freak! – Oink! Oink! • Hey, geek! • Hey, hey! Settle down! [From a pedestrian who has no clue you blasted your horn three times to keep some idiot from backing their car into you] • Hey, how's that fat girl you went out with? • Hey, I'm not through talking to you! • Hey, little girl! [To a younger, smaller boy] • Hey, man, how are you doing? • Hey Sara Lee, I was only kidding! COME BACK HERE – MY FRIEND LIKES TO GO HOGGIN. MORE CUSHION FOR THE PUSHIN! IT'S LIKE RIDING A MOPED!! • Hey, screw you, buddy. • Hey, skinny! • Hey, sweetheart! • Hey! What kind of language is that? • Hey, what's up, man? [Menacingly, from a sleeping dog you happened to wake up. The sarcasm involved in this is a subtext in their vicious intonation. They're afraid to be direct and simply say, "I'm going to kill you!"] • Hi, Blinky! • Hi. How are things going? [From an incessantly intrusive manager] • Hi, how's your day today? [From a stranger on the street] :: WildCard-5 • Hi, my name is Adam – What's your name? [Someone standing on the sidewalk holding a clipboard, intercepting you, pretending to be friendly] • Hi, Richard! [Pretending that you're "pals," and it's by no means your fault that you're not] • Hidden perils of emotionally laden words. • Hide Your Beagle, Vick's an Eagle. • His career is not a concern of mine. He's going to have to worry about that. I'm worried about my family and the character of my children. (–Jenny Sanford) • Homo! Homo! [From a five-year-old boy] • Honey, can you help me out a little? Can you help me find my puppy? • How about on your iPad? [Long since kaput!] • How are you doing, Sir? • How are you doing today? • How are you, Sir? ... Are you homeless? ... I'm a Vietnam veteran ... Are you a vet? ... Can you help me out a little bit? • How can we have a responsible distance? • How can you pay attention to your passengers and drive at the same time? • How come you don't want to talk to me? • How come you have so much stuff? • How come you never called me back? • How cruel are you allowed to be? • How do you do? • How do you do that? • How do you know I'm not packing a gun? • How do you know if it's a gangster? • How do you know you'll make the right decision? • How far down the rabbit hole do you want to go? • How have you been, sir? – So far, so good? • How is everything in Room 237? • How jammed is the freeway? • How long have you been dating? • How many degrees do you have? • How many degrees do you have in computer science? • How many houses do you own? [To Senator John McCain] • How many times have I told you not to use that fucking language? • How much is it, if you don't mind my asking? • How much longer are you going to hog the computer? • How often do you work at night? • How often is the weather like this? • How to come across non-defensive. • How to defuse an extremely hostile situation. [They take control of you from the back seat, and you let them, because they're the real deal – actual thugsTheir unconscious aim is to go back to prison – The sooner you can get away from them — in a public setting — the better – Feigning you've got something in your eye is a way out – Go by necessity – a twisted back, sudden cramps, diarrhea ...] • How to give clever non-rude comebacks for your older brother that makes fun of you. • How to make a verbal boundary. • How to respond to casual insults. • How to respond to verbal attacks and still get your point across. • How to use sarcasm in self defense. • How was the airport? • How was your day? • How well do you really know someone? • How would you know? • How ya' doin'? [Total stranger suddenly appearing in front of you] • HOW YOU BEEN? [Screaming at you] • How'd you do it? • How'd you do that? • How'd you get into that? • How's everything, Richard? • How's everything, Richard? Everything fine? • How's it going? • How's your tea, Richard? [From a frightened waitress] • Hunt the Homeless: Kill one for fun. We're 87 percent sure it's legal. [Blurb In Maxim, spotlighting a coming "hobo convention" in Iowa] (–Eric Lichtblau, "Attacks on Homeless Are Rising, Many Simply Motivated by Thrill," NYT, August 8, 2009)


I. I actually look good. I dress good, am clean-shaven, bathe, touch of cologne – yet 30 million women rejected me – over an 18- or 25-year period. That is how I see it. Thirty million is my rough guestimate of how many desirable single women there are. (–George Sodini, in his notebooks, before he opened fire in a Pennsylvania fitness center, hitting 12 women, 3 fatally, before turning a gun on himself) • I admire you, because I've never had the courage to be so boring. • I agree with [President Obama]. He points out he did not cause the recession, but he did make it worse. And he says, well, look, things are getting better. And I sure hope they're getting better. Gosh, I hope they're getting better. But that's not because of him. That's in spite of him. (–Mitt Romney, April 18, 2012) • I always feel I'm faking it. • I am. [Menacingly, from a third party] • I am a Christian. • I am a limousine driver – I only drive very upper-end cars. [Lying] • I am not finished with you! [With malice] • I am The Joker. (–Another no-name shooter ... the Colorado Movie Massacre suspect ... the frightened neglected child ... the alleged gunman James Eagan Holmes ... the man who loses even his name in the fickle press ... whose experiences at the University of Colorado Denver Anschutz Medical Campus, where he had been treated by the psychiatrist directing the school's mental health services, continue to be shrouded in mystery, July 20, 2012) • I am the leader – You do as I say – You don't think. • I asked you how you are. • I believe in past lives – in reincarnation. • I bet you cry after sex. • I Brake 4 Pussy. • I can't believe I ate that brownie. I am so fat! • I can't meet with you without specifics. • I can't say what I like? :: WildCard-6 • I didn't hurt you. [Telling his little sister to stop crying after throwing a rock at her] • I disagree. • I don't believe in tit for tat. • I don't even have to ask, 'I could have had a V8!' I've got Richard Hart. • I don't give out personal information. • I don't have a life – But at least I embrace it. • I don't have any friends. • I don't know what your problem is. • I don't like people. • I don't like what you've become. • I don't like your tone – If it continues, you're out. • I don't look at this person as a person. [Father of seventeen-year-old girl, regarding the man being held in connection with her disappearance] • I don't love you anymore. I'm not sure I ever did. • I don't really like smart guys – I prefer to be smarter. • I don't want to be her partner. [Two fourth-grade girls whispering to each other, rejecting you for some reason – They may just feel inept, because they actually are inept!] • I don't want to get undressed in front of him ... I don't want him to see me. • I don't want to know you! • I don't want to play with you – Step back. • I don't write this to say how hurt my feelings are. Rather, I'm confused. It's O.K. if people would like to debate the merits (or lack thereof) of the opinions and facts discussed in my work. It's also O.K. with me if people simply don't like my work. What confounds me is why online commenters are so gratuitously nasty; why, when given the opportunity to have an educated disagreement with an author or other readers, they use the space allotted to spew venom instead of presenting a well-reasoned argument. (–Taffy Brodesser-Akner, "E-Playgrounds Can Get Vicious," The New York Times, April 22, 2010) • I feel damaged. • I feel kind of nervous going to school 'cause ... I like learning, but I have trouble making friends. • I feel like killing myself. • I feel sorry for her son. Can you imagine going through life with this woman? • I gave myself a standing ovation. • I got your jacket, ha-ha! [Group of boys taunting a young girl on the playground] • I guess it pays to be teacher's pet. • I had a chilling thought. • I hate it when people stare at me – It makes me feel like a freak. • I have a confession to make. • I have a real problem with the way you said something so let's discuss it. • I have an erection. • I have everything under control. • I have no friends and just don't fit in. [Suicide note from eighteen-year-old boy] • I have two things to say about that: There's a statement A, and there's a statement B, which is NOT A. There is no way to prove the truth of either one. • I haven't see you in a long time – Where've you been? • I haven't seen you in a while – Where have you been hiding? • I heard there were some other mechanics who said they could get that off. [Work crew foreman to escalator repair mechanics at the airport] • I hope I'm doing as well as you are when I reach your stage. • I just don't care. • I just want to congratulate you on your masterful air-conditioning work. • I just want to make something perfectly clear with you: We're not friends. • I knew you were going to say that! It's like hitting a stone wall. • I know a professor who worked there [your Alma Mater] – He said all the students were lazy and stupid. • I know exactly what you're thinking. • I know I'd be pissed if I looked like an extra from Desperately Seeking Susan. • I know, you feel privileged and honored. • I know your tricks. • I left school before they got to that. • I light my face so people can't see my double chin. • I like being a guest in my own house. :: WildCard-9 • I like sitting next to you, Sean – It makes me look so tough. • I like the card with the snow-covered hills. • I like the way the back of her bicycle sticks out. [In a loud enough voice for her to hear] * I like your little responses. :: WildCard-5 • I love you, but I don't like you. • I miss the kids. • I missed out. I left school before they got to that. • I need money for college, do you want to help me? • I need more than two dollars. • I need you to help jump my truck. • I never have any trouble parking over here. • I recognize you are increasingly more beautiful than you are intelligent. (–Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi to female politician Rosy Bindi, October 9, 2009) • I said, COFFEE! [A History of Violence, 2005] • I think Bethenny has a very serious problem with me. • I think it can now be said, without equivocation — without equivocation — that this man hates this country. He is trying — Barack Obama is trying — to dismantle, brick by brick, the American dream. (–Rush Limbaugh, July 16, 2012) • I think it's fair to say ... that the Cambridge police acted stupidly in arresting somebody when there was already proof that they were in their own home. (–U.S. President Barack Obama) • I think it's time for us to take a break. • I think my friends are scared of you. • I think of my mother every day. • I think that Sergeant Crowly has backed himself in a very tight corner, and I think that is most unfortunate. My offer to listen to a heartfelt and credible apology is a sincere one and continues to stand. (–Henry Louis Gates, Jr.) • I think they're trying to kill me. [The higher-ups in the organization] • I think what we're saying is, there's no boundaries for assholes. • I think what you're leaving out is that you really wanted to murder them for sending you off to summer camp at such a young age. • I think you should take inventory of yourself. That's ... wacko! • I think you stole it! [His high school ring] • I think you're a 3. • I think you're a joke at what you do. • I thought he was a new kind of politician. But instead, his campaign and the people working with him have focused almost exclusively on personal attacks ... It's really disappointing. (–Mitt Romney, referring to ads from an independent super PAC, August 8, 2012) • I told you not to rock back at the table! :: WildCard-10 • I took off today, Monday, and tomorrow to practice my routine and make sure it is well polished ... I need to work out every detail, there is only one shot. Also I need to be completely immersed into something before I can be successful. I haven't had a drink since Friday at about 2:30. Total effort needed. Tomorrow is the big day. (–George Sodini) • I want my mommy! I want my mommy! • I was just saying anything. • I was listening to the rain – Listening to you at the keyboard is like listening to the rain. • I was watching a huge bird on the feeder, pecking away in the little hole – A green parrot! • I wasn't aware of that. • I wasted all my pretty years on you. • I WILL be in the waiting room while my daughter-in-law is in labor, and all of you are welcome to come, too. MY SON will come and give me updates every hour on the hour. [At a large Thanksgiving gathering, after her daughter-in-law (pregnant with her first child) has been quietly rebuffing her] • I wonder why you created this illness (or experience). • I won't bother you anymore. • I would like a one-on-one with Officer Crowley, and I'd like him to apologize. But that will in no way determine if I sue him, the Police Department or the city. That will all be worked out, but I know I'm not going to let this drop. (–Henry Louis Gates, Jr., initially investigated for jimmying a jammed front door, then jailed for trying to humiliate a police officer in public and ongoing belligerence out on his front porch) • I wouldn't say it's a bug. • I'd ask you out if you had a more respectable job. • I'd like to get to know you. [Some random guy in a bar hitting on you] • I'd like to hear YOU say some words – I'm not too picky. [Super Bowl XLIV commercial, 7 February 2010] • I'll drop the subject entirely. • I'll have to give you a rain check. • I'll leave this with you so you can have it whenever you want it. • I'll meet you there. • I'll pay you ten bucks for a jump. • I'll put that in my notebook and never forget it. [Theatrically telling everyone what she's going to do with the sticker I gave her] • I'll send you flowers. • I'll wait while you clean that up. [You and your dog, just outside your front door] • I'll whop your ass! • I'm a believer in our Savior Jesus Christ and that's where I put my faith, my hope and my life. • I'm a born liar. • I'm a renown one-stop shopper. • I'm allergic to negative people. • I'm aware. • I'm calling your mother. • I'm doing illegal activities. • I'm glad I'm just wearing a skirt. • I'M GOING TO FUCKING STAB YOU!" [From out of the blue, on a city street in Chicago] • I'm going to use Silverado for the first time tomorrow night. • I'm just a housewife. • I'm just saying. • I'm just talking. • I'm like a snake that's shed its skin. • I'm moving out. The kids will understand. They'll want me to be happy. • I'm not a bully. • I'm not a good storyteller. [Self-attack] • I'm not done with you until you're six feet under. • I'm not religious. • I'm not sure what you mean, really. • I'm not your private secretary, you know? • I'm offended by your joke – I know someone who got into an accident while texting. [After making a joke about recklessly driving and texting at the same time] • I'm pretty tough. • I'm really a nightclub person. • I'm really awkward. [Self-attack] • I'm running for office, for Pete's sake, I can't have illegals! (–Mitt Romney) • I'M SO SORRY! • I'm so sorry your mother didn't love you as much as you wanted her to. • I'm sorry – I know I'm bothering you. • I'm sorry I'm bothering you. • I'm sorry – My mind is somewhere else. • I'm sorry. Really I am. [I open the fridge] Would you like cheesecake or chocolate cake? Probably both, I'm guessing. • I'm sorry ... What did you say? ... What did you say? [Belligerently] • I'm supposed to meet someone at the corner of Pine and Montgomery – then we'll wait and the fare will go higher, because it's all about you. • I'm sure I'll get the usual wave of hate mail ('Duh, this has been around for years? Where have you been?') But I don't care. I didn't know the SkyDrive had been made so capacious and so free to all. It's worth the humiliation just to spread the word. (–David Pogue) • I'm up here. [From a woman with unusually noticeable breasts] • I'm waiting to go to class, too. • I'm waiting to see what my next medical problem will be. • I've already "been there and bought the T-shirt." • I've always wanted to be in a sitcom. [Insincerely] • I've been around 60 years and I've yet to find something I'm passionate about except your mother. • I've been looking around that site, and can't understand it for a second. Maybe I'm just a dummy, but seriously, it's making no sense. • I've been on that bus; they're just as good as gold. [From the 2012 documentary, Bully – See also stargate22, intimidation, lying] • I've discovered a third way to come in – One, two, three! – Okay, Dave, whatever rocks your boat. [Talking to himself] • I've got one thing to say to you – Get back to work! • I've got schadenfreude coming out my ears. • I've got to take a shit at your house – I gotta go! – I'll piss in my pants! [Kids exchanging "shock talk" for the benefit of passerby] • I've had it with your bitching and complaining. • If I hadn't moved here, I'd have never met Shamaila. • If I wanted to, I could make you lie down in the middle of the road, and shoot you in the back of the head, and no one would say anything about it. [White police officer to a group of Black college kids he's pulled over near a small town in Louisiana] • If I were you, I'd sit next to the smart kid in English. • If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy? • If it feels wrong, it's wrong – Say something – It's your body. [Proposed public education campaign to speak directly to children regarding child sexual abuse, Charles M. Blow, "No More Suffering in Silence," NYT, October 10, 2009] • If it's too hot, we can play in my bedroom. [From a child molester] • If someone decides to become a pilot, he cannot be fearful – After returning to the country, we shall deal with this matter. (–Polish president Lech Kaczynski, to a pilot who defied him during a flight prior to the fatal plane crash in Russia on April 10, 2010, who on that earlier occasion diverted the flight to a safer airport, as reported in the Polish newspaper Dziennik) • If we're not here when you get back, it means I've run off with your wife to Tahiti. • If we're relying on a decision from a German judge about what our Constitution means, no president accountable to the people appointed that judge and no Senate accountable to the people confirmed that judge ... And yet he's playing a role in shaping the law that binds the people in this country. (–U.S. Supreme Court Chief Justice John G. Roberts, Jr. at his confirmation hearing) • If you are not outraged, you're not paying attention. • If you can't do it [run around naked, or switch all your clothes with a friend] when you're a kid, when can you do it, you know? (–Dr. Robert Kohlbrenner, quoted in "When Do They Need a Fig Leaf? – Children Like to Strip Down, But Not Everyone Approves," by Julie Scelfo, The New York Times, 16 July 2009) • If you didn't like the first, then you'll hate the second. [Lord of the Rings movie] • If you don't see them, they're not here – Two and two is four! [Angrily] :: WildCard-13 • If you ever come back here again, I'll have you arrested! What you do is steal my joy! What you do is criminal! • If you figure everything out, you're dead. • If you go down to the woods today, you're in for a big surprise! • If you got up and moved your fat hips, my wife could sit down. • If you guys don't behave, you're going to get detentions, or you're going to get benched! [From a wayward nun in charge of the school kids] • If you had to name something, what would you say is the biggest misperception that people have of you? • If you love Los Angeles so much, why don't you live there? • If you make that mistake again, I'll cut your balls off. • If you return to China, your dead corpse will be chopped into 10,000 pieces. [Chinese activist] • If you say so. • If you say these people [school bullies] aren't my friends, then what friends do I have? [From the 2012 documentary, Bully – See also stargate22, intimidation, lying] • If you touch that agenda, I'll cut your hands off. • If you wait long enough, it will come floating down the river. • If you're counting on it to pay off, you're not really being generous, are you? • If you're going to tell me how to drive, get out of the car. • If you're so rich, you can treat me again. • If your investigative work is as limp as your dick, you might as well leave right now. • In hindsight, would you do anything differently? • In the language world, everything is probability. But in our legal system, we have real problems with understanding probability. Everyone has problems with probability. (–James W. Pennebaker, professor of psychology at the University of Texas) • In theory? In reality as well. • In this family, you do what the little missuz says, right? • In your face! – Freak you! [Middle school talk] • Internet nudes wear you out, don't they? • Irish slut! • IS everyone so creeped out that they didn't CHECK the site? It seems to be about defending yourself from bullying, actually. Don't know what's so creepy about that. • Is it all one family? • Is it from your personal experience? [Erotica you wrote] • Is it going to rain next month? • Is it homemade, or do they get it from Italy? • Is it lucrative? • Is it paying off? • Is it pretty enough for you out here today? • Is it worth it? • Is this because we're being taped? • Is that the best you can do? • Is that what most people do? • Is that where you take all your first dates? • Is the family back? [From a nosy neighbor] • Is this free? Is there someone sitting here? [The bar stool on your left, from a group that's studiously ignoring you] • Is this one taken? [The bar stool on your right, from a reverend who's studiously concentrating on a pearl-studded Blackberry] • Is this the last one? [Harry Potter movie] • Is this the minor league of cab driving? And like, New York City's the major league? • Is this there's shopping and everything? • Is your offer still good? • Isn't that a private institution? – Well, is it accredited? • It is all random and unpredictable. [Exaggerating or distorting your claims, then attacking the distortion] • It isn't worth it. [Turning on their heels, without paying, after you've made them a double-scoop vanilla ice-cream cone] • It only means that she doesn't have enough mind grapes or thoughtsicles, as Tracy Morgan refers to brain droppings on '30 Rock,' to be president soon. (–Maureen Dowd) • It opens at four. • It seemed to be a rational decision at the time. • It sent me over the edge. • It sounds like you're mocking them. • It started out as ribbing, sort of a pointed ribbing about his hair, but it very quickly became an assault, and he was taken down to the ground, pinned. It all happened very quickly. It was like a pack of dogs. (–Phillip Maxwell, a lawyer in Michigan, who participated in the episode, describing how Mitt Romney returned from spring break in his senior year at Cranbrook, a private school in Michigan, to find that John Lauber, a quiet, offbeat type, had bleached his hair blond. "Mr. Romney, brandishing a pair of scissors, led other boys on a hunt for Mr. Lauber, teasing him and holding him down, while Mr. Romney snipped off his long locks," as reported in "Bullying Story Spurs an Apology From Romney," by Ashley Parker and Jodi Kantor, The New York Times, May 11, 2012) • It was so calm [In the previous school administration], and you could teach. No one was constantly looking over your shoulder. (–A teacher in a Midwestern elementary school, in a formal group teachers' meeting, making obliquely sarcastic comments to test the waters, as reported by John Tierney in "Can You Believe How Mean Office Gossip Can Be?" The New York Times, 3 November 2009) • It will be good to have a Negro in the White House. It will be practical. Black on white, it will be easier to shoot him. (–Host on the "Bye-Bye" comedy show, broadcast on the French-language Radio Canada network) • It would have been better if you had died in that car accident, rather than your younger brother. [As reported by Richard A. Friedman, M.D., "When Parents Are Too Toxic to Tolerate," The New York Times, 20 October 2009] • It's a bad sign. • It's a bit out of your league. • It's a little late in the game to be asking for this. • It's a trick question – Watch out for that one. • It's arriving Wednesday – You can vacuum on Thursday. • It's because you're anal retentive. • It's better than the alternative. • It's empowering. • It's getting weird. • It's going to be a shitty day. • It's good you can admit that. • It's got all these things going on all the time – a cornucopia. [Trying to sound smart, without actually saying anything] • It's highway robbery, man. • It's impressive. • It's in the spring. [They'd rather make up an answer to appear knowledgeable than tell you they have no idea when it is – It's a form of lying, or misleading at best – it turns out the fast of Ramadan is sometime in September or October] • It's nice to see Sue Sarandon young. [Two old guys] • It's not age-appropriate to expect children to be concerned with their parents' happiness – Not unless you want to create co-dependents who'll spend their lives in bad relationships and therapy. • It's not going to happen. • It's not good – Broken already – First thing in the morning. • It's not very good. [Making every attempt to spoil a movie for you] • It's only ten dollars an hour. [Unattributed subject] • 'It's really simple,' Mr. Anderson said in a telephone interview. 'Mea culpa.' He said that he originally had put the Wikipedia material in quotations, but that he and his publisher had not been able to agree on a format for citations. When he took the passages out of quotations, he failed to attribute Wikipedia or rewrite the material in his own words. 'That's my screw-up,' he said. [Apologizing to Motoko Rich, at The New York Times, for copying parts of his forthcoming book, "Free: The Future of a Radical Price," from Wikipedia without attribution] • It's remarkable that something like that [Google] can have such an influence on my life and it's only been around fourteen years. :: WildCard-21 • It's too bad you lost your job at IBM. • It's unknowable. • It's your loss.


J. Jim says she had major reconstructive surgery. • Johann Sebastian Bach? • Juda, you're turning into a moron before my eyes! • Juror ID: 102843020 ¶ Attention Potential Juror: A printing error occurred on the jury summons recently issued to you regarding your upcoming week of service. ¶ On the back of your summons, in the Not Qualified Section, Item B, the instructions stated for this item are incorrect. Also, please disregard the phone number listed as it is not for your court location. ¶ If you are seeking an excuse because you do not have sufficient knowledge of the English language, DO NOT CALL that phone number. Simply check the appropriated box and return the bottom portion of the form in the envelope provided with your original summons. ¶ Thank you, and we apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused you. ¶ THE ORIGINAL SUMMONS IS VALID, AND YOU ARE TO REPORT FOR JURY DUTY AS DIRECTED. [Unsigned, undated follow-up postcard] • Just one more minute! [You're in your boss's office at five-minutes-to-ten; your girlfriend is outside the office building waiting with packed bags for you both to catch a cab to the airport; and your boss intends to keep you wrapped up in a rambling business strategy conference half an hour – if you let him]


K. Keep people straight! • Kicking Your Girlfriend in the Fanny because she won't make you a Sandwich. • Kids don't like you at my school – They think you're creepy. [From the 2012 documentary, Bully – See also stargate22, intimidation, lying] • Kids will be kids; boys will be boys; they're just cruel at this age. • Kind of tight today? • Knock, knock!


L. Language, huh? [In warning tones] • Larry, you're being inappropriate. You really are. (–Carrie Prejean, being pressed for information about a dispute on Larry King Live. In an 11 November 2009 interview, Mr. King asked the former Miss California USA why she had dropped her claims of religious discrimination, libel and slander against the Pageant. He insisted;. "Why settle since you had a fight to carry on?") • Lasagne. • Last month I mailed the letter to your post office address, but the post office returned my letter back to me. • Last night when you fell asleep on the sofa, you were a tremendous snorer. :: WildCard-14 • Laughter incited by sexually perverted comments made by a 62-year-old male celebrity aimed at a 14-year-old girl is not only disgusting, but it reminds us some Hollywood/N.Y. entertainers have a long way to go in understanding what the rest of America understands — that acceptance of inappropriate sexual comments about an underage girl, who could be anyone's daughter, contributes to the atrociously high rate of sexual exploitation of minors by older men who use and abuse others ... I doubt he'd ever dare make such comments about anyone else's daughter. (–Alaska Governor Sarah Palin) • Let the symphony begin! • Let's do this you punk bitch! [A History of Violence, 2005] • Let's get off this subject. • Let's pretend we don't exist – Let's pretend we're in Antarctica. • Let's put an end to verbal abuse once and for all! [Promotion for a self-help book on verbal self-defense] • Let's talk about boundaries. • Life in the United States is mind-bogglingly violent. But we should take particular notice of the staggering amount of violence brought down on the nation's women and girls each and every day for no other reason than who the are. They are attacked because they are female. (–Bob Herbert, "Women at Risk," NYT, August 8, 2009) • Life is very lonely when you are always right. • Like I'm supposed to care? • Listen boys, Charlie feels like he's being bullied in sailing, and people aren't being nice to him. [Woman addressing a table of kids, half of whom weren't even in the sailing class, with her son sitting alone at another table] • Listen, I have a Ph.D. in interpersonal relations – I have a rapport with kids and I'm trying to talk to them. • Little Italy's not too big – It's a small area, right? • Look alive! Look alive! • Look at the fat chick. • Look at the note he wrote! [Laughing as they begin reading your note aloud] • Look what you did. • Love is all you need.


M. Make a left turn at the northwest corner of 19th Street. • Makes sense. • Man, I will fuck you up! [Trying to ignite a barroom brawl – It all began at stargate32] • Mary, you regurgitate Democratic talking points well. • Mathias said... This is nuts. Like the wit of the staircase filtered through paranoid schizophrenia. Almost better than Timecube. • Maybe he's in a better place. [Actually he died] • Maybe ... it's al-Qa'ida. • Maybe it's no good. [This website] • Maybe made by a shrink (psychologist) who went insane.... • Maybe they try too hard. • Maybe you did something to deserve it. • Meaning? • Mom, you're a goldfish! • Mr. Original. • Mr. President, you're entitled as the president to your own airplane and your own house, but not to your own facts. (–Mitt Romney, October 3, 2012) :: WildCard-21Mr. Richard! • My baby does not need a public school teacher as a father. [Two young girls] • My concern has been the atrocities there in Darfur and the relevance to me with that issue as we spoke about Africa and some of the countries there that were kind of the people succumbing to the dictators and the corruption of some collapsed governments on the continent, the relevance was Alaska's investment in Darfur with some of our permanent fund dollars. (–Sarah Palin) • My crab is not cracked – I WANT MY CRAB CRACKED! – I WANT MY CRAB CRACKED! • My God, honey! You have really big tits! [One woman to another, in the guise of "friendly girl-talk"] • My God! You're so rich! [Cash you carry to make change] • My grandchildren listen to what I say, but don't hear what I'm saying. • My meeting was not a invitation, we need to meet. I will plan to see you right after class on 10-29-2012 at 2 p.m. [sic] :: WildCard-10 • My middle name is Pussy! [From an eight-year-old girl] • My mother told everyone in town I was gay. • My paintings are boring – All my friends are so talented. [From a human sinkhole of negativity] • My pair is way too long. I need to be taller or skinnier. • My suggestion: get another job. This suggestion is not too demanding: unless you are a slave, I assume you have some amount of control over your job selection ... Please, don't drive a school bus blindfolded. (–Nassim Nicholas Taleb, The Black Swan, p. 163)


N. Need something? • Never thought that so small woody exists. • «new idea that you discovered about verbal responses to students» ... «smart comebacks to adult bullies» ... «what to do when teenage girls verbally attack you» ... «biting comebacks to internet insults» ... «great comebacks when someone is verbally abusing you» ... «THE ART OF DEFENDING ONESELF AGAINST VERBAL ATTACK» ... «how to handle verbal insults and triggers» ... «verbal response trigger» ... «list of words defending self» ... «snappy comebacks to stupid insults» ... «WHAT TO SAY IF YOU JUST SHOT SOMEONE IN SELF DEFENCE» ... «self defense words beginning with l» ... «instances of people getting in trouble for self defense» ... «verbal defense i was only kidding –yankovic» ... «word synonymous with self defense» ... «how to respond to a verbal insult» ... «verbally sticking up for one self» ... «responding to verbal insults» • Nice talking to you, Richard – You're a nice laugh. • No. • No fighting today? • No good deed goes unpunished. • No, ... I don't like people. • No, I'm from Italy. • No, I'm just not in the mood for you this morning. • No. I'm waiting to go to class, too. • No, it isn't. • No, they mop it. • No victory mosque at Ground Zero! • Nobody over twenty-five-years-old had tents there! [Disrupting your story of some old people at Burning Man, disputing your honest observations, attempting to ignite a barroom brawl – whereupon you instantly find yourself transported to stargate74] • Non-escalating verbal self defense. Grand Celestial Do. If only so that I can bookmark this thread as a meta-bookmark for delusional websites. [Link from metafilter, "The successor to TimeCube?"] • Not the longest ride of the day. • Not up to your standards. • Not your day. • Nothing outlandish. • Nothing's wrong; we didn't do anything; everything's fine. [From the 2012 documentary, Bully – See also stargate22, intimidation, lying] • Now I love being home in this place where Ann and I were raised, where both of us were born. Ann was born in Henry Ford Hospital. I was born in Harper Hospital. No one's ever asked to see my birth certificate. They know that this is the place that we were born and raised. (–Mitt Romney, August 24, 2012) • Now I'm excited. • Now I'm leader of the pack! Except I'm wiser, more relaxed, happier, warmer, more filled with life ... • Now listen to me, young man! • Now that's racist. • Now you can get rid of your old computer. • Now you sound the same way you were reacting to that professor in school last week. [Suddenly turning on you & betraying a confidence] :: WildCard-16Nut.


O. Oh, and Jessica? You're a total freak – Hide your ugly and dumb! • Oh, come on! [Angrily] • Oh, come on! Don't be like that. • Oh, did he put a new lock on? [Lying; the lock was put on at his request] :: WildCard-8 • Oh, humor me – Come on! • Oh, right! So this transfer is from this morning, and you're trying to get a free ride! [A bus driver speaking Very Loudly, treating you like a thief in front of everyone, for accidentally picking the wrong transfer out of a fistful] • Oh, that's too bad. • Oh, yeah! • Oh, you can give me a blowjob later, B.J. [Banter between two straight guys] • Oh, you mean, like, Frisbee brand? [Derisively, scornfully, viciously, from a store clerk attempting to sell expensive knockoffs] • Oh, you're a writer, too? • Oh, you're just a Canadian. • Okay! Congratulations! • Okay, Pollyanna. • Okay, so you don't want to talk to me? All right. • Okay, well, now you're weirding me out! • Old habits die hard. • On a scale of 1 to 10, how weird are you? • On the other hand, [Michael] Vick is in survival mode and is likely to say anything to get the public on his side, or at least somewhat off his back. • Once I shot an elephant wearing my pajamas. (–Groucho Marx) • Once perceived as somewhat eccentric, grassroots vanity sites for writer wannabes, web logs, or blogs, are being taken very seriously these days. • One day! One day! • One of them! • One of you kids threw this candy wrapper on the ground, so I want you all to line up and stick out your tongues. • One study described obese patients as 'awkward, unattractive, ugly, and unlikely to comply with treatment.' (This last is significant, because doctors who think patients won't follow their instructions treat and prescribe for them differently.) (–Harriet Brown, "For Obese People, Prejudice in Plain Sight," NYT, 16 March 2010) • One word for self-defence. • One word for self defending. • Ooo, something for Vogue! – Wearing flip-flops at the airport – You're styled out! • Over in the City they've already sold thirty medallions.


P. Passive witnesses to such behavior – other students, teachers or parents – who do nothing are coconspirators in the bullying behavior. (–Mark D. Smaller, Director, Analytic Service to Adolescents Program, Morton Alternative School, Chicago) • Pathetic. • Penny: In choir that girl was sitting in front of us and we kept going, 'Moo.' ... Karen: We were going, 'Come here, cow; come here, cow.' ... Bonnie: I know. She is one ... Penny: She looks like a big fat cow ... Julie: Who is that? ... Bonnie: That girl on the basketball team ... Penny: That big red-headed cow ... Julie: Oh, yeah. I know. She is a cow. (–A group of eighth-grade girls in the cafeteria discussing an overweight classmate whose breasts they consider too large for her age, as reported by John Tierney in "Can You Believe How Mean Office Gossip Can Be?" The New York Times, 3 November 2009) • People attach no value to it if it's free. • Perhaps this is what still distinguishes the philosophical life: that 'once in a lifetime' convulsion, in which one reinvents reality around oneself. It is a project doomed to fail, and compromises will always be made. But what, in life, could be more interesting? (–Sarah Bakewell) • Please accept my apologies! • Please go back in your house. • pleaz don't be mad at me but I can't resist...nice I better not. damnit! Altho' those are really pretty. ["Nice jugs!"] :: WildCard-22Power to the people! • Psst ... Susie! What's 12 + 7 ? (–Calvin)


Q. Question? • Quit while you're ahead.


R. Rachel's a lousy whore! • Read the actual way it's worded though. It sounds like some brain-controlling cult or something. And there is little to no sense in the words used. • Read this and tell me what you think of it. [Like a school teacher, they have kind of a stubborn meanness; you don't have to read anything! You could skim it, though technically, why bother?] • REAL SMART, ASSHOLE! [Redneck Harley-Davidson rider to Mexican tow truck driver blocking the way] • Really? That's too bad. [Crisp, cruel] • Recovery programs are for losers. • Relax and let your mind go blank – That should be easy for you. [Dialogue from Avatar] • Richard Ames Hart. • Richard, do you go by Dick? • Richard! How're you doing, guy? • Richard, pull on this string! • Richard! Ready to start? • Richard, what's going on, man? • Ricky is so square! • Roberta always has to go back for something. [Habitually talking about you in the third person, as if you're not there] • Round up, deuce up! [Someone copying you] • ROW FIVE! ... I KNOW THAT!


S. Sacramento and Montgomery! [You're driving in a direction they didn't expect – They act as if everyone's always cheated them – Delusions of grandeur – They'll never reach your level of insanity] • Say something unforgettable, guys! • See if you have a life. • See, when you come, you spoil the whole holiday. [At a Thanksgiving reunion] • Seems terrible. • Seriously – If I stuck my dick in your mouth would that shut you up? [Abusive dialog from] • She doesn't fancy you. • She, my darling, is conspicuously single. Maybe if she had gone to Wellesley she would have amounted to something. • She said I'm stupid! My father's a doctor! How can I be stupid? • She should be taken to a state prison, raped and left for dead in a ditch. (–Blog posting threatening 20-year-old Elizabeth Lambert, for violently retaliating after her shorts were tugged on in a soccer game) • She should learn to ignore stuff. [Counselor to mother of eleven-year-old girl, who had been bullied at summer camp by other children] • She should understand the value of an education and pay her own loans. • She was having so much sex, it's amazing she can still walk. ... She was having sex so frequently that she can't afford all the birth-control pills that she needs. (–Rush Limbaugh) • She was so great when she was young. • She's been sexed. [Sexually awakened] • Ships passing in the night. • Shoot all the whining Canadians! [In restaurants, "Canadians" is a code word for "Black people," as in, "bad tippers." Technically, there is no such thing as "race." What we call "race" is really a loose collection of characteristics, not limited to habitual facial expressions, tones of voice, ready-made attitudes, collective "tribal" postures, and even habitual constellations of emotions which people pretend are "real." These are simply emotional ruts. What we all are is people. Complexly textured skin tones are well-understood by artists such as Pablo Picasso, Édouard Manet, Mark Twain, Stevie Wonder and good Will Shakespeare. What's missing in righteous muggins is a sense of humor. It's that simple. Uh-oh! Here come the screaming Niggers!] • Shoot all the whining Niggers! • Should Obama be killed? :: No; maybe; yes; yes if he cuts my health care. (Poll on a Facebook page which is being investigated by the Secret Service, according to Thomas L. Friedman, "Where Did 'We' Go?" The New York Times, September 30, 2009) • Shouldn't you be blocking an intersection right now? How many anti-sweatshop petitions have you signed? – EVEN THOUGH YOU HAVE REEBOKS ON. Very anti-globalization to wear those with your animal tested Clinique make-up made in Nepal. Well, at least you're consistent in your shameless hypocrisy. • Shut up, spaz! • Shut your hole! • Silence is betrayal. • Siri, I think it's time for us to take a break. • Sissy bitches! ... Motherf*ckers! ... C*nts! • So a couple of months ago I was late for something and grabbed a quick cab ride. The driver was a very effeminate, mustachioed older fellow who made some odd remarks about how hostile women passengers are to him... So I told him about an old acquaintance of mine whom I'd defuse when she was mad. He just lit up, way beyond what the idle story deserved, and when I got out he handed me his business card, which was just a URL ... His website is an endless warren of crazy. ( Seriously, just click some links. [Link from Quarter To Three Forums > Quarter to Three Boards > Everything else taxi1010 - The Art of Non-Escalating Verbal Self Defense - User Name Remember Me?] • So do you ride around all day thinking of things to say? • So here we are, alone at last. • So, how's school? • So it's a study of nastiness then. [This website] • So simply because I'm a woman, I'm not permitted to speak? [To a police officer, at a traffic stop] • So ... tell me what you don't like about yourself. • So what are you going to do? – Go home to mommy? • So who lives in all these houses? • So you don't want to sit with me? • So you got a bone all the time, huh? • So you have your whole life in a safe-deposit box. • So you think it's fine to laugh about something like that? [A kill-or-be-killed ghetto ethos] • Sold out. • Some explanations are pointless. • Some has-been. • Some problems don't have solutions. • Some requests are time-bound; I ask you to do, and not think! • Someday, someday, but certainly not now, I'd like to learn how to have a conversation. • Someone embittered you. • Someone should put him to sleep. • Someone's been smoking in this cab! • Something's wrong? • Sometimes, researchers say, one homeless person attacks another in turf battles or other disputes. But more often, they say, the assailants are outsiders: men or in most cases teenage boys who punch, kick, shoot or set afire people living on the streets, frequently killing them, simply for the sport of it, their victims all but invisible to society ... Some of the Las Vegas homeless resort to living in a maze of underground flood channels beneath the Strip. There they face flash floods, disease, black widows, and dank, pitch-dark conditions, but some tunnel dwellers say life there is better than being harassed and threatened by assailants and the police. (–Eric Lichtblau, "Attacks on Homeless Are Rising, Many Simply Motivated by Thrill," NYT, August 8, 2009) • Sometimes we need that – You better learn how to deal with people instead of sitting behind a desk! • ... spilled 80s all over you. • Stanford Court Hotel Restrooms Now for Guest Use Only :: The Stanford Court Hotel has decided to join other Nob Hill hotels in keeping restrooms for guest use only. We apologize for the inconvenience and appreciate your continued help with our shared customers. [Posted at the cashier window of a San Francisco taxi company] • Stay in the classroom and shelter in place! [Gunshots or a shooter in the building] • Stay out of my way! • Starts at $3.10? • Staying dry? [You're wearing a poncho; you're far from home; it's really raining] • Stop arguing, dude! Do you have a vagina? • Stop being charming! • Stop smiling! • Stop! Stop! Stop! Pull over! ... You almost killed me! • Stop that whistling! • Stop verbal attacks from mate. • Stop whining. • Stuff it! I do the thinking around here! • Summons for Jury Service, Superior Court of California, County of Alameda ... Failure to respond to this summons will subject you to a fine, a jail term or both. ¶ POSTPONEMENTS: For a postponement, you can call the number listed on the front .... [Original notification]


T. Take this gun and kill that fat girl over there – How can that be bad? – Fat girls aren't real people. • Taylor Swift is angry, darn it! – Am I dealing with a complete retard? • Tell me what number you'd give yourself, from 1 to 10. • Tell us, oh, master! • Tell us what you learned. • Ten years from now ... Ricky Hart ... a floorwalker at Montaldo's. • Thank you! [Sarcastically] • Thank you ... and try not to be weird to people. • Thank you, baby! • Thank you for that lesson. • Thanks. [Sarcastically] • Thanks for the history lesson. • Thanks for the tip. • Thanks for thinking about me. [From one of the school's "mean girls."] • Thanks for waiting. • Thanks Richard - I think I see your point. I'm hoping to get into some NLP next year. • That gives you a sense of fulfillment. • That guy's a fairy. [In passing] • That incident calls his candor into serious question. (–Mitt Romney) • That is cool! • That is really vital – Very important. [Putting two seconds back on the clock at the end of a 49 to 7 football game] • That jacket you're wearing – It takes a unique kind of girl to pull that off. • That means you have a girl's personality. • That outfit is interesting. • That website [taxi1010] is frightening. i don't know what to make of it. at first it was funny, but then i realized (thought i realized) that they are dead, dead serious. and it creeps me out but i can't stop looking at me. please help. • That's a bit harsh. • That's a good idea – You should make a talent for everything. • That's a novel idea. [You turned on the light] • That's a strange combination – computer science and erotic poetry. • That's funny, I heard [a certain well-known drummer] had died, and that reminded me of you. • That's not convincing. • That's not something a real man does ... It's unsanitary. • That's not very nice. • That's not your experience. • That's personal. • That's rather personal. • That's ridiculous. • That's scary the way you said that. • That's so gay. • That's something we have in common – Our sisters are our muses. • That's the right answer. • That's what makes the Internet free. • That's what she said. • That's what you say. [Your core philosophy] (–Ray Kurtzweil, How to Create a Mind: The Secret of Human Thought Revealed, Viking Penguin, The Penguin Group Inc., New York, 2012, p. 241) :: WildCard-4 • The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco. Mark Twain. [Their idea of carrying on a conversation is to swamp you with one important-sounding quotation after another, leaving you with little more than a hollow, empty feeling, leading you to believe you can somehow respond in a suitably clever way to people long dead, and failing to find any simple, sincere or honest resonance inside yourself, you struggle to pony up with phony (or simply mute) acknowledgment of their passable theatrics as you stifle the urge to kill them] • The answer to the trivia quiz is that St. Patrick drove all the snakes out of Ireland ... but I don't know ... they don't have snakes in Ireland. • The authorities don't seem to understand the way Twitter works. There's no provision in the law for people being hyperbolic, sarcastic or ironic. For a country that prides itself on its sense of irony, that is unfortunate. (–Padraig Reidy, news editor of Index on Censorship, a London magazine that covers free-speech issues) • The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting different results. (–Albert Einstein) • The elephant in the room no one talks about. • The family of Norman Rockwell is waging a fierce campaign against a new biography of him, bristling at the book's suggestions that Rockwell, artist of small-town Americana, could have been secretly gay or harbored pedophilic impulses. (–Julie Bosman, "Rockwell Biography Angers His Family," The New York Times, December 3, 2013) • The first thing you see in India is indignity: filthy slums, boulevard defecation, puffed-out bellies. You feel shocked but also noble in your compassion. Then it becomes normal. You see that the true degradation is in human relationships, in the belief that people come in different levels of humanness. The idea is so pervasive and tempting of your vanity that, in time, it infects you, too. (–Anand Giridharadas, "Letter from India: Questions I Never Got to Answer," International Herald Tribune, 19 June 2009) • The great subjects of online video are stunts, pranks, violence, gotchas, virtuosity, upsets and transformations. Where television is supposed to satisfy expectations with its genres and formulas, online video confounds them. (—Virginia Heffernan, "The Susan Boyle Experience," The New York Times Magazine, 28 June 2009) • The last few years have been the best Barack Obama can do, but it's not the best America can do. (–Mitt Romney, April 24, 2012) • The left media and the right media are in a state of open warfare, and the left wants to take the moral high ground by proclaiming that they are practicing unbiased journalism, but that doesn't pass the smell test. • The material is not age-appropriate. • The most important thing in life is having a child. • The only reason to buy a Prius is so you can drive around like a smug eco-holier-than-thou. • The plaintive story of Michael's unhappy marriage to a once-wild woman is all but buried under the movie's unsavory portrait of shamefaced middle-aged men drooling over underage nubile flesh. (–Stephen Holden, "The Babysitters," NYT, May 9, 2008) • The postman always rings twice. • The president seems to be running just to hang on to power. I think he will do anything in his power to try and get reelected. (–Mitt Romney, "CBS This Morning," August 15, 2012) • The same day that Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak stepped down, [Lara] Logan was surveying the mood of anti-Mubarak protesters for a '60 Minutes' story when she and her team 'were surrounded by a dangerous element amidst the celebration,' CBS said in a statement Tuesday. The network said that a group of 200 people were then 'whipped into a frenzy,' pulling Logan away from her crew and attacking her until a group of women and Egyptian soldiers intervened. (–Melissa Maerz, The Los Angeles Times, February 15, 2011) • The technology is only second-rate. [Criticizing your new iPad] • The unemployed need not apply. [For any work] • The volley of the conversation, as at a tennis match, was all that he took with him. For what he wanted and what satisfied him was the activity of his own mind. This need and satisfaction kept him from becoming truly interested in other human beings, although he sought them out all the time. He was like a travelling virtuoso who performs brilliant set-pieces and departs before coming to know his listeners. (–Delmore Schwartz, The World is a Wedding, New Directions, Norfolk, Connecticut, 1948, page 34) • The walk of shame. • The world does not revolve around you. • THE WORLD IS COMING TO AN END! [Earthquake in Haiti] • There are no winners; there are no losers. • There are people who have lived for centuries. • There are times in every relationship when the parties involved need a break. • There is always something more interesting on Twitter than whatever you happen to be working on. (–David Carr, "Why Twitter Will Endure," The New York Times, 3 January 2010) • There is something psychologically wrong with you, my friend, but I'm sure I'm not the first person to tell you that. :: WildCard-21 • There was a video of two really old, infirm men – They were our age. • There's a fine line between stupid and clever. • There's a naked hen in the refrigerator. • There's a really good sushi restaurant up the street – I can't see it right now. • There's Navid! [Her bully cousin] • There's no excuse for domestic violence. • There's no question that I did some stupid things in high school, and obviously, if I hurt someone by virtue of that, I would be very sorry for it and apologize for it, (–Mitt Romney, as reported in "Bullying Story Spurs an Apology From Romney," by Ashley Parker and Jodi Kantor, The New York Times, May 11, 2012) • There's nothing going on now, is there? • There's nothing to talk about. • There's one thing you haven't mentioned – That you wanted to kill them for sending you away. • These are not consequential people – a confederacy of fools. • They get you either way. • They push me, strangle me, take things from me, sit on me. • They're going to charge you extra for that. • They're not your friends. • Think you're so funny? • This explains why you can never envy another person. • This guy's ability to take everything as a personal affront but also to want to be perceived as taking it like an adult ... mind-blowing. [Link from message board] • This is a hundred and seventy dollars – Better count it. [It's actually a hundred-fifty, short a twenty] • This is a one-time thing – Don't tell anyone else. [Being told to do something unethical by a boss – They're trying to take you into a place you don't want to go ... "... like fabricating or destroying documents, lying to clients, or anything well outside the normal course of business." (–Eilene Zimmerman, "Does That Request Pass The Smell Test?" The New York Times, October 24, 2010) – She's not a pushover! ... Never sign anyone else's loan!] • This is just painful. [Said about your work or some effort of yours] • THIS IS OUR BUSINESS! NOT YOURS! [Some thug beating the crap out of his girlfriend, up on a hillside] (An hour later, in real life, to avenge being sprayed with pepper spray, he and a mate will go on a shooting rampage, killing two) • This is the right timing – I was wondering how I was going to get in there. • This is very important. • This means I get it for free today! • This president is a nice guy who just doesn't get it. (–Mitt Romney, January 8, 2012) • This president spends a lot of time apologizing for America – He should be apologizing to America. (–Mitt Romney) • This room is a little too self-aware. • Those are the things I do. • Thoughts of suicide. • Tiger Woods was idealized by us, his audience. In fact, he is a normal, flawed human being, who is additionally cut off from himself and from his ability to connect intimately because of the false idealization we have foisted on him. (–Kenneth M. Settel, psychiatrist) • Timing is everything in life, isn't it? • To me, Taxi1010 represents an incoherent perversion of the standard elements found in most digital text and websites. And, in many ways, it illustrates (and exaggerates) the (irrational) fears that many educators have about the harmful effects of new digital literacies on student composition. [Link from Amy's Technology and Rhetoric Blog, September 19, 2011] • Today is my Friday. • Tom has a Ph.D. – He should be able to figure it out – Yours doesn't count. • Totally unrealistic. • Try not to overthink it. • Try to stay out of trouble. • Turn your skinny white ass around and watch the movie! [From the troublemaker behind you, to your wife] • Two ships passing in the night. [Except we're not at sea, it isn't night, we're not very big, and supposedly we can see each other]


U. u dick. • Uppity Nigger! • Usually all I have to do is take off my clothes.


V. Verbal comebacks for teachers. • Verbal comebacks when someone calls you a monkey • Verbal defence for introvert. • Verbal defense strategies for children. • Verbal defense to use when called a bad nickname • Verbal judo simple secret. • Verbal self defense for women establishing boundaries. • Verbal/emotional abuse moving on what to watch for next time. • Very observant. • Violently Raping Your Friend Just for Laughs.


W. WAIT UNTIL WE CROSS THE STREET, ASSHOLE! [For all to hear] • Warning: Rats can cost you your job and your family. [Intimidating sign, with hand-scrawled picture of a rat, posted in your work area] • Was it busy today, sir? • Was that a test? • Was that aimed at me? • Was that in San Francisco? [Codeword for "Are you gay?"] • We all have our difficulties. • We are here to pick up their car. • We cannot but regard Mrs. Clinton as a funny lady as she likes to utter such rhetoric, unaware of the elementary etiquette in the international community ... Sometimes she looks like a primary schoolgirl and sometimes a pensioner going shopping. [Spokesman for the North Korean Foreign Ministry, referring to Hillary Clinton] • We could go over there and ask him if he has three guns! • We could live together twenty years, and at the end not understand a word the other is saying. • We did some psilocybin. [Your wife and some of her buddies, hoping for cool over the edge] • We don't care about her. • We got a name here? • We have to check [that the door's locked] – We're both seniors now. • We're going to SFO, right? • We're not spring chickens. • We're not the same, O.K.? This is you [—she holds her left hand low, parallel to the table—], this is me [—her right hand flies up above her head—]. • We're on the way down – failed mystics. • 'We've asked ourselves over and over again, should we come forward or let this thing die?' Ms. Rockwell said. 'People are now starting to refer to Pop,' she added, using her grandfather's nickname, 'as a closeted homosexual.' (–Julie Bosman, "Rockwell Biography Angers His Family," The New York Times, December 3, 2013) • We've been waiting an hour for you guys! These guys get here in ten minutes. [They called two taxi companies from their remote trailer park] • We've got to all run faster and run smarter. • Wednesday. • Weird. • Welcome to the bigger picture. • Welcome to the human race. • Welcome to the sidewalk, man! [Sarcastically, from an irate pedestrian; you're pinned in a driveway by heavy traffic] • Well, a part of it is the danger. • Well, at least she's got the body for it. [Bare-chested shoulder riding during a midsummer 2010 "Naked Day" heat wave in New York City] • Well, at least you're having fun. [Talking about some pursuit of yours (e.g., music, blog, etc.), after it comes out (usually by their prying) that it doesn't make you any money] (–Daniel) • Well, doesn't it take two to tango? [The burden of taking on outlandish debt offered by predatory lenders -- Do nothing for four to seven years and the Debt Collection Statute of Limitations will kick in, and the debt will become uncollectible, all without having to go into bankruptcy – Meanwhile, (1.) don't tell anyone why you've had your telephone disconnected, (2.) don't restart the clock (by (a.) making a payment, or even by (b.) making an oral promise to pay), and (3.) learn to live within your means] • Well, he did call you his sweetheart. • Well, I am immune to verbal attack. • Well, I don't want to get into it. Let's forget it. • Well, I'd like to get to know you. [Some random guy in a bar hitting on you] • Well, it's more your taste than mine. [Scowling sourly at the cameo brooch you saved up for and bought for your mother when you were fourteen years old] • Well now Richard, I hope you don't take this the wrong way – He totally disinterests me. [The upstairs neighbor he writes notes to the landlord and police about] • Well, say good-bye to all the leftovers. [Abusive dialog from] • Well, we only came because Michael wanted to know who all his relatives are. • Well, we're going to have to meet up in my office. • Well, you can't have everything. • Well, you had a university education – I didn't. • Well, you should. • Well, you were his sweetheart. • Well, you're feeding them. [The birds, mice, rats, squirrels and probably spiders who forage beneath the bird feeder] • Well, you've thought of everything, haven't you? • Were you playing with yourself during the performance? • What a commentary there ... That's pretty pathetic, good ole David Letterman. (–Alaska Governor Sarah Palin) • What a couple of mavens. [Carefully moving a table] • What a douchebag – He's a real D-bag! • What about mind reading? • What are you, a moron? • What are you afraid of? • What are you going to do about it? • What are you going to do about it? • What are you going to do with THAT? [Your academic field of interest, English literature] • What are you implying? • What are you looking at? Are you staring at me? Are you mad-dogging me? • What are you working on? • What are your greatest achievements? • What can we do to give you the distance you need, without hurting the family? • What did I do to deserve a child like you? • What did Karen say when you told her you were going to a stag party? • What did they get you for? • What difference does it make? – It's just money. • What do girls want? • What do you do about bullies? • What do you do to relax? • What do you do when someone's sitting in the back seat holding a cocked gun to your head? • What do you like best so far? [From a flirting waitress] • What do you mean by that? • What do you need? • What do you think? • What do you want? • WHAT DO YOU WANT? [Dripping scorn, putting on airs] • What does it say about the college coed Susan Fluke [sic], who goes before a congressional committee and essentially says that she must be paid to have sex? What does that make her? It makes her a slut, right? It makes her a prostitute. She wants to be paid to have sex. (–Rush Limbaugh attacking Sandra Fluke on a radio program broadcast on February 29, 2012) • What does Mr. Clinton think about it? [Student to Secretary of State Hillary Clinton at a question-and-answer session in the Democratic Republic of Congo] • What goes up must come down. • What happened to you on Sunday? • What have I done? • What have we learned? • WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING? [From someone who hasn't seen you in a while, puffing themselves up and getting all worked up about it] • What have you done to support new product development in the past six months? • What I like is that you're always flying by the seat of your pants. • What if someone says, 'You're an asshole!' —? • What is government if words have no meaning? (–Jared L. Loughner to Representative Gabrielle Giffords, Democrat of Arizona, months before going on an impulsive shooting rampage, killing six, including a child) – One unconscious memory buried on top of another unconscious memory leads to impulsive teenage behavior ... Motivated by thrill ... Anything to avoid feeling bad ... Manic! ... fuels their anger ... they get impulsive. • What is it supposed to represent? [Your painting] • What is 'Slow gold?' • What is the real meaning of logic? • What Is This I Don't Even -- -- Seriously, what is this? Came across this while searching 'creepiest website' and it certainly does give off a creepy vibe ... After reading a bit of it, I can only assume it is one of the three. 1) Website created by non-English speaker. 2) Website created by idiot. or 3) Website created by weirdo with an ulterior motive. [Link from ParanoiaAgent, October 18, 2010] • What made him snap? • What, no sweet potatoes? • What number are you for? [From a complete stranger coming out of a large apartment building] • What one word best describes you? • What time is it? • What to do about robotic people. • What to say when a bully board member verbally attacks you. • What to say when someone says "what's up, smart-ass?" • What up, bitch! • What was her name? • What was that movie about the serial killer? [Also see stargate41] • What was your major? Did your parents send you a bill for college? How are those Marxist Literary Critique classes working out for you? You work at Barnes and Noble don't you? • What way are we going? [Suddenly coming awake in the back seat of the taxi] • What were you doing in there? • What were you doing in there? [A boy and girl locked inside the bathroom to see how boys and girls are different] • What would Chris want for Sam? :: WildCard-6 • What would make you happy right now? :: WildCard-7 • What you don't know about self defense. • What, you're justifying what happened? • What's a simple example of verbal self-defense? • What's a woman? • What's come over you? • What's funny? • What's new, Richard? • What's the difference between misperception and perception? • What's the matter, you going faggot? • What's the scam here? • What's the weather been? • What's the weather going to be? • What's the worst place you've ever lived? • What's the worst thing that's ever happened to you in your life? [At a job interview] • What's this pretty girl's name? • What's up, smart-ass? • What's wrong? • What's wrong with someone saying, 'What's the matter with you?' • What's wrong with you? You only do what you like to do. • What's your agenda for this trip? • What's your problem? • Whatever! [Truly angry] • Whatever works. • When? [Pressuring you for a date] • When did you get here? • When I'm there, I tend to focus on the cold. • When in doubt. • When is Broadway going to recognize my incredible dancing skills? • When is Easter? • When verbal abusers push your buttons. • When you're an old man you start to develop breasts. • Where did you pick that up? How do you know that? • Where is heaven? • When your time is up, your time is up. • Where are the most shops? • Where are these words coming from? • Where are you? • Where did you buy it? • Where did you get this? [A 5-euro bill] • Where did you hide the money? When you're not here, I'm going to go through your things and find it. • Where have you been hiding? • Where have you been? Yesterday you're not here. • Where the hell have you been? I've been trying to reach you for three days! • Where were you? • Where's the bluebird? • Where's the funeral, Ree-sharr? • Whether he is celibate or not, the person who views himself as a 'homosexual person,' rather than as a person called to be a spiritual father – that person should not be a priest. (–The Rev. David Toups, the director of the secretariat of clergy, consecrated life and vocations of the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops) • Whether I'm in a bad mood is none of your concern. • Who are you looking at, pussy boy? [People drive around in red convertibles trying to steal other people's happiness; the way out is to be slightly worse than they are] • Who knows? Maybe one day we can be friends. • Who trained you? • Who'd you vote for? • Who's your daddy? • Why are we both failures? • WHY ARE YOU MESSING WITH MY HUSBAND? [Screamed at a pretty woman crossing the street] • Why are you so desperate? • Why are you wearing a pussy boy shirt, pussy boy? (–from "The Trauma of the Pink Shirt" by Simon Critchley, a philosophy professor at the New School, published in The New York Times, April 14, 2013) • Why aren't you at IBM anymore? • Why can't you do what you're told? • Why did you get a shovel? • Why did you order that pie in the first place? • Why didn't they have Joe Montana? • Why do this? ... To young girls? Just read below ... It seems many teenage girls have sex frequently. One 16 year old does it usually three times a day with her boyfriend, So, err, after a month of that, this little hoe has had more sex than ME in my LIFE, and I am 48. One more reason. Thanks for nada, bitches! Bye. (–George Sodini, in the month before he went on a shooting rampage, killing three women, injuring another nine, before suddenly stopping and shooting himself) • Why do we do these exercises you call 'silk reeling' — ? Why not do what Dr. Starr does? • Why do you let people do this to you? [Bully you] • Why do you want a white one? [You're holding out for a white iPhone 4] • Why don't you find a girlfriend? • Why don't you get to work on it? • Why don't you go jump in a lake? • Why don't you have friends who come over? • Why don't you let me read for you? – You have a very old soul. [From a fortune teller] • Why don't you move back there then? • Why don't you write them a letter and ask them? • Why haven't you been coming here for lunch? [Spoken in a low voice, trying to "engage" you] • Why is 42 the answer to everything? • Why is everyone crying about verbal abuse in the game? IT'S A GAME! • Why is the Internet such a cruel playground? • Why shouldn't we look to the wisdom of a judge from abroad with at least as much ease as we would read a law review article written by a professor? (–U.S. Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg) • Why would you? • Wild rice is hard to digest. • Will you step outside please? [From a manager] • Winning takes care of everything, doesn't it? • Words with humorous associations. • Works of art are not required to exist. There is nothing outside of them that requires their existence. If Shakespeare had never existed we would not miss his works, for there would be nothing missing. (–Richard Poirier) • Wow! That's a bit harsh. • Write a book about all your taxi experiences.




Y. Ya, I'll speak with your mama outside. (–Henry Louis Gates, Jr., who in police parlance, was getting lippy with Cambridge police Sergeant James Crowley, who had been seeking identification after a neighborhood report of a break-in. Professor Gates followed Sgt. Crowley out onto the porch, yelling at him in the presence of a growing crowd, "Why, because I'm a Black man in America?" and stated soon thereafter he intends to make a movie about the incident ... reportedly having screamed out on his own front porch, which had now become a public setting, "I'M NOT SOMEONE TO MESS WITH!") • Yeah! I'm too tired to think. • Yeah, pussRun away! [A History of Violence, 2005] • Yeah, sure. • Yeah! Tell it like it is, baby! • Yeah, that was a really long text. [Self-attack] • Yep. • Yes. • Yes. We're neurotics; he's psychotic. • You always want what you don't have. • You and I are cuckolds! • You are a cold and mean person. • You are a number three. • You are building an image. • You are getting your fancy degree; doesn't Sam deserve a quality education as good as yours? :: WildCard-16 • You are in big trouble, young man! • You are right; we need you to remind us of the weakness of the general methods, but you cannot throw the baby out with the bath water. • You are single-handedly trying to ruin my poetry. • You are status driven. • You begin to wonder what's the matter with the long-term unemployed. • You betrayed those who had high hopes for you. • You bumped me on purpose! [Out on the street] • You can dish it out but you can't take it! • You can't examine your life if you can't remember it. • You can't fool me! ... I know your tricks. • You can't look back – It doesn't do much good. • You can't win 'em all. • You could become an art critic. • You could come and pick me up at five o'clock. • You could do some contract programming on the side. • You could put some rat traps out in the water heater shed. • You couldn't handle half of me. [Taunt from one of the school's mean girls] • You cut me off! [From a ditzy bicyclist] • You didn't go to the airport? • You didn't see or hear anything, did you? [To an enlisted sailor having just witnessed a physical brawl between two officers on an aircraft carrier] • You don't act like you like me. • You don't have a pot to piss in. You don't have to be in a group to be happy. • You don't have to be as off-the-rails as Charlie Sheen to get help. (–Neda Ulaby, NPR News) • You don't have to go into a trance, so you can easily wonder about what you notice no faster than you feel ready to become aware that your hand is slowly rising .... • You don't know me! You don't know my child! [The abused toddler an eighteen-year-old mother has been repeatedly slapping in a New York City subway] • You don't know what you're walking into. • You don't think that's relevant? • You don't like that? • You don't like us, do you? [From the leader of a posse out on the prowl, their menacing probes covered with a thin veneer: "What was that movie about the serial killer?" -- Get away from them as soon as you reach a public setting -- Think ahead -- Meanwhile, do, think, and say as little as possible: "—How's that?" "—Big change!" "—Who knows?" "—Multifaceted. Claw hook!" – Try not to talk back -- Let them meet their fate elsewhere] • You don't want to say. • You driving somewhere? [Bumming a ride after you commit to where you're going] • You ever wake up in the middle of the night because a couple of cats are clawing each other to death outside your window? That's what it's like listening to you speak. [Abusive dialog from] • You f**king fairy! ... You're a f**king f**got! (–Mike Rice, Rutgers basketball coach, as reported by ABC, CNN and mainstr**m media, April 3, 2013) • You give up too easily. • YOU GOT SOMETHING TO SAY? [They think you "snuck up on them." What they're really angry about is the sudden surge of adrenaline they feel, just below their level of consciousness] • You have a nice name. • You have a supercilious [disdainful, haughty or proud] manner – Has any woman ever said that to you before? • You have five children with four women you never married. [Sixty Minutes journalist to Clint Eastwood] • You have money? [Taxi driver to Black woman standing on the curb with her child] • You have no idea what it's like to have a child who is mentally ill. • You have really nice eyes. • You have sisters! That means you have a girl's personality. • You have the attention span of a gnat! :: WildCard-8 • You have to take it with a grain of salt. • You have your opinion and I have my opinion. • You haven't returned any of my phone calls. • You just got back? • You know, excuses are easy. What we need is a firm commitment, ... get a small revenue stream going. We've got a solid customer base? • You know I don't agree with all the people who support me and my guess is they don't all agree with everything I believe in. But I need to get 50.1 percent or more and I'm appreciative to have the help of a lot of good people. (–Mitt Romney) • You know the nice thing about smiles? They're free. • You know what? • You know what? You just ruined my life. • You know what? You're the best. • You know what I mean? • You know what your problem is? • You know, you've been such a nice person explaining that to me, I promise to give you a complete blowjob! I mean it, a total blowjob! • You laugh annoyingly. • YOU LIE! [Representative Joe WIlson from South Carolina, heckling the President of the United States during a major address before Congress] • You look depressed – What is it? • You look like a deer caught in the headlights, right? – Shit! • You look like nothing! [Little bully making fun of eleven-year-old girl on Dress-Up Day at summer camp] • You may want to start pulling your weight. • You mean like a battle of wits with an unarmed person? • You must be joking – You are so not fat. Just look at my thighs. • You must enjoy this in a sick kind of way. • You must have been audited by the IRS at one time. • You need to pay yourself first – You need to put money in an IRA. • You need to turn that off now! [From an extremely ugly flight attendant on a severe toot] • You overthink everything and when it's something that's really important, you don't think at all! • You people are so incompetent – Why don't you go back to India? (–Pauline W. Chen, M.D., "When the Patient Is Racist," The New York Times, July 30, 2013) • You seem a little forgetful, man. • You set me up! • You should be writing this down. • You should get it checked. [The temperamental credit card machine you've brought to their attention] • You should read this book. • You should stay home with your husband rather than seek employment out of town. • You should write a culinary column. • You Silver Laked it! [Said something as beautiful or true as a haiku you once wrote, named At Silver Lake] • You sly dog! • You speak Japanese? Does that help with tips? • You take care of all those bullies! • You talk funny. [One five-year-old boy to another] • You talkin' to me? YOU TALKIN' TO ME!!? • You think you keep saying that, it's gonna change anything? [A History of Violence, 2005] • You two should have a conversation. [From a "high-maintenance" beauty to two of her suitors] • You used to know how to write. Now you are pushing trash!? You should be fired and replaced by somebody who has some clue what he's doing. (–Hate mail to David Pogue, June 21, 2012) • You want this? [Sopping newspaper] • You were a sociology major, weren't you? • You were wrong! [Untroubled by reality, they refer to random events from the past] • You will burn in hell! • You will have the ability to gain a deeper and more meaningful understanding of bullies, their behaviors and their issues. [Testimonial for a self-help book on verbal self-defense] • You WILL talk to me! [From your brother, the prince of darkness] • You'll get your chance in a moment – I'm still speaking. (–Mitt Romney in the televised presidential debate, October 16, 2012) :: WildCard-10 • You'll never accomplish anything. • You're a druggie – You're a whore and a slut and deserve to die. • You're a little f**king fairy! • You're a long way from Boston. • You're a loser! – Even if you go out and shoot yourself, no one will miss you! • You're a real lady killer, Phil. [Sarcastically] • You're a strange man, Richard. • You're a woman! [A woman striking out at her soon-to-be-ex-boyfriend] • You're all fucked-up, you know? You're all fucked-up. • You're always so serious all the time. • YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE! • You're being a real bitch about all of this. • You're being extremely inappropriate. (–Carrie Prejean) • You're being too sensitive. • You're carried away because you want to be carried away. You're caught up in it because you want to be caught up in it. [In pre-election fervor] • You're cute when you're losing. • You're gay, who cares about you? – You should kill yourself – You should go away. • You're getting spoiled. • You're going to get in trouble. • You're going to laugh at me? You can laugh at me for a while. • You're mentally ill. • You're my big baby! • You're not a member. • You're not an asshole, Mark – You're just trying so hard to be. • You're not in our gang – This is a private club – You can't be a member. [To a four-year-old girl] • You're not scary! [Push!] • You're one day late. • You're one sick, miserable, evil SOB. (–Sean Hannity to cleric Anjem Choudary, Fox News, February 2, 2011) • You're picking on my child. [Parent to teacher] • You're probably the kind of person who would espouse partial-birth abortion as a form of birth control. • You're so fat! Fatty, fat, fat! [One five-year-old boy to another] • You're studying English literature? – Isn't that useless? • You're talking rubbish. • You're the best argument I know for mercy killing. • You're the last one? • You're the most helpless person in the world! • You're tolerant, aren't you, dude? • You're too nice. [Teenage girl to teenage boy] • You're using undue familiarity. • You're worthless. • You've got a one-track mind. • You've got a whole lot of 'splainin' to do! • You've got some loose ends here. • You've got to get your emotions under control. • You've got to somehow integrate with the other guys. • Young man, were you getting fresh with me? • Your American soccer is rubbish! • Your brain must be a miserable place. • Your dog is really messed-up. • Your effort to continue to try and create fear and deception here is unbecoming ... You know the level of misrepresentation is just not becoming, Shannon. That's just wrong. (–Mitt Romney debating Shannon O'brien in the 2002 Massachusetts gubernatorial race) :: WildCard-28 • Your loss, not mine! [Bitterly, because it's the end of your shift, and by not taking them, your thirty dollar late fee can be avoided] • Your mind is the free theater hither and thither they dominate. • Your review was the dumbest thing I've ever read. It strains me to avoid profanity in describing how stupid you sound. (–Vitriolic e-mail to David Pogue, published in "The Voice-Off: Android Vs. Siri," The New York Times, 22 August 2013) :: WildCard-21 • Your waitress made me extremely uncomfortable today. She ruined my entire morning. I'm very upset. I'll be contacting KQED. • Your work is like haiku.